Pookie's Minions - Pookie's Gone ☹

[Goonie]

Thank you, Tonja.
I had always been a little unrealistic in thinking that my babies will be with me forever, that they'll never get sick and will never get older. As each of their age numbers kept going up and up, the fairy tale me started to stress over the inevitable, and that ended up stressing me even more to the point of depression. It's a horrible thing when the heart takes over the mind.

I'm grieving the best way I know how without stressing or worrying Pookie (as he's very in-tuned to my emotions and reacts to them). I'd flip-flop between extreme sadness and anger; maybe one day I'll find the "I'm so glad I had the chance to be her mommy" emotion.

 

[sweetiepie9]

You'll get there Gina, it just takes time. I'm glad you're there for Pookie, though, I know how tuned in he is to you. Take care of yourself, too, k?

 

[Goonie]

Take care of yourself, too, k?

I'm trying, really.

 

[sweetiepie9]

I understand completely, I've been there so many times over the last 1 1/2 yrs.

 

[athenacp]

Gina, i remember posting a poem that I had found under Digger's memorial and I thought I would report here for you It 's from a humna point of view, but it did comfort me at the time.

When tomorrow starts without me
and I'm not there to see
if the sun should rise and find your eyes
all filled with tears for me

I wish so much you wouldn't cry
the way you did today
while thinking of the many things
we didn't get to say

I know how much you love me
as much as I love you
and each time that you think of me
I know you'll miss me, too

But when tomorrow starts without me
please try to understand
that an angel came and called my name
and took me by the hand

And said my place was ready
in heaven far above
and that I'd have to leave behind
all those I dearly love

But as I turned to walk away
a tear fell from my eye
for all my life I'd always thought
I didn't want to die

I had so much to live for
so much left yet to do
it almost seemed impossible
that I was leaving you

I thought of all the yesterdays
the good ones and the bad
I thought of all the love we shared
and all the fun we had

If I could relive yesterday
just even for a while
I'd say goodbye and hug you
and maybe see you smile

But then I fully realized
that this could never be
for emptiness and memories
would take the place of me

And when I thought of worldly things
I might miss, come tomorrow
I thought of you, and when I did
my heart was filled with sorrow

But when I walked through Heaven's gate
I felt so much at home
when God looked down and smiled at me
from His great golden throne

He said "this is eternity
and all I've promised you
today your life on earth is past
but here life starts anew

I promise no tomorrow
but today will always last
and since each day's the same way
there's no longing for the past

You have been so faithful
so trusting and so true
though there were times you did some things
you knew you shouldn't do

But you have been forgiven
and now at last you're free
so won't you come and take my hand
and share eternity with me?"

So when tomorrow starts without me
don't think we're far apart
for every time you think of me
I'm right there, in your heart

-author unknown

 

[Goonie]

Oh, Mary, you have no idea how that poem applies to Digi. Though she wasn't a human, it still translated to how she was and how our relationship was. Thank you so much for posting it.

***********************
I had a really bad night last night. I was doing really good focusing my mind on everything other than Digi, until I came home from Zim's vet appointment. It all started when I got her blanket back, and all of my emotions spilled over like a tsunami. When I went to bed at sometime after 12am, the guilt and anger enveloped me, and I cried and cried and cried. When I finally stopped crying, I suddenly "saw" (a mental image) Digi sitting in a lush green field, looking slim and beautiful as ever. She was smiling and looking behind her shoulder at me watching her, watching her and smiling because she was chasing a white butterfly. I told her that she was being silly for trying to catch the butterfly because she can't eat it. She stopped, looked back, and smiled her biggest smile. Then the butterfly landed on her nose and she just sat there, looking at it but not trying to get it. I told her that she was being a good girl for not attacking the butterfly, and suddenly, the butterfly just disappeared into thin air. She sat in the grass looking up at the powder blue sky, seeming very calm and content to be wherever she was. That was when I knew that I had to say my goodbyes, but not before telling her one last time that I loved her and missed her. Then I cried some more until I cried myself to sleep.

I know that this all seem rather crazy, but I swear that I wasn't forcing myself to see Digi. I did try before last night, but all I saw was how tired she looked during her last 2 days with me. I couldn't see the happy girl that I once knew, no matter how hard I tried.

***********************
Guess who not only appeared from deep inside her cave this morning, but also walked out and basked and acted like a crazy girl pacing back and forth? Gianna! She spent close to an hour outside of her cave, half of the time basking high up on her tree branch and half of the time pacing and bouncing all over her house. And once the pacing and bouncing was done, she quietly walked back into her cave and slept.

If that wasn't enough for me to cheer, but about a half hour ago, MoMo had also peeked out of her cave and actually had her eyes opened wide! She still has her head out of the cave and held up high.

But wait! There's more! Pookie climbed up his inside ladder and wanted to come out to play! Of course, he was reacting to Gianna's craziness, but still. Because MoMo was still deep inside her cave, he opted for visiting Squirt. However, when he got there, all he saw was a blanket covering up a bed. No Squirt, because he's still sleeping. So, instead of finding someone else to play with, Pookie decided to deposit a very big poop just before Zim's bed, then walked back up his outside ladder and just chilled.

It had been a very strange 16 hours so far.

 

[sweetiepie9]

Oh Gina, I'm so glad you saw Digi at peace, in a happy place. It will help you grieve, for sure. And what a great deal to see today, Gianna, MoMo and Pookie. Too bad Spike is still sleeping :lol: That would have been fun to watch.

I loved that poem that Mary sent to you, it hit me in my heart, too. I made me think that my babies are all in a good place, like Digi. Made my heart melt. Thanks Mary!

 

[athenacp]

She was smiling and looking behind her shoulder at me watching her, watching her and smiling because she was chasing a white butterfly. I told her that she was being silly for trying to catch the butterfly because she can't eat it. She stopped, looked back, and smiled her biggest smile. Then the butterfly landed on her nose and she just sat there, looking at it but not trying to get it. I told her that she was being a good girl for not attacking the butterfly, and suddenly, the butterfly just disappeared into thin air. She sat in the grass looking up at the powder blue sky, seeming very calm and content to be wherever she was.

Gina, the butterfly! I got chills!!! I once read somewhere that seeing a butterfly after the death of a loved one meant that the loved one is in heaven and was sending down a butterfly to let the person left behind know not to grieve, they are in a very happy place!

Very awesome to see that she sent you a message!

(((HUGS)))

 

[Goonie]

Gina, the butterfly! I got chills!!! I once read somewhere that seeing a butterfly after the death of a loved one meant that the loved one is in heaven and was sending down a butterfly to let the person left behind know not to grieve, they are in a very happy place!

Oh my god! I didn't make the connection with the butterfly and a higher message; I just thought it was so cute how she was trying to catch it.

 

[diamc]

Oh Gina, the way you described Digi with the butterfly was perfect, I could see it too. So happy to hear that she was smiling and very content. That was such a special message and beautiful to see. She is at peace and wanted you to know that, that's the reason for her mental image that you absorbed.

That poem that Mary shared was beautiful and said so much. I know we can all relate and feel all those words very deeply. Thanks so much Mary, guess we all needed it.

So good to hear that Gianna woke up and was quite active and even MoMo opened her eyes wide too. Yay for Pookie climbing his ladder & wanting to play. Must have been so great to see all of them doing those things. Hopefully you will see Squirt awake very soon too.

 

[Goonie]

Forever my Digi . . . Forever my Babycakes

(if you wish to see the picture in a larger format, here's the direct link: http://i984.photobucket.com/albums/ae330/digi_beardie/2015_11-21.jpg)

 

[sweetiepie9]

Aww, Gina, that was perfect. Loved that you added the white butterfly :love5: She at peace and you will be one day soon, too. You have to go through your grief, there's nothing that will stop that but to have had that vision of Digi and to know she's ok, it all makes my heart warm. Can feel the love from her to you.

 

[diamc]

Gina, that is just so precious. Now we can all see your image perfectly. Absolutely beautiful and that poem says it all. She looks so content & at peace. You have such amazing memories of her that you will always cherish and hold close to your heart.

Thanks for sharing that loving memorial with us.

 

[Esther19]

Absolutely beautiful, Gina.

 

[beardie parents]

i agree, it is beautiful.