Here are the long-awaited updates. Sorry there's so much. It's all of the posts that I made in Facebook.
August 10 at 5:53pm
I don't usually do things like this (actually, I don't think I'd ever done something like this), but this time's different. So here it goes:
I need positive vibes and prayers for my baby, Pookie. He will be anesthetized tomorrow morning so the vet could investigate a strange growth to his right lower eyelid. At this point, I don't know if a biopsy would also be done; I guess it would depend on what the vet finds.
Whatever the outcome of tomorrow's poke-n-prod is, I just want my baby to 1) wake up after the procedure, 2) fully recover from the anesthesia with no ill effects, and 3) not have a cancerous tumor.
I also need someone to tell me to not worry, that my baby will be fine, that he'll still be here to celebrate his 8th birthday on 9/5.
August 11 at 1:54pm
Just got off the phone with the vet. The "strange lump" on Pookie's lower eyelid appear to be tumorous, that it covered the entire eyelid width. He performed a biopsy and the sample will be sent out to the lab today. We won't know what the tumor is (whether it's a harmless soft tissue tumor or something worse) until the pathology results come back.
I was told that I can go and pick up my baby at 3pm, but that he may still be a little groggy. I'll have to administer eye ointment for healing/prevent infection; that should be interesting.
The next few days will be just as grueling as this morning had been
Thanks to everyone for their prayers.
August 11 at 4:11pm
Pookie is home!
When he was brought out to the lobby, his colors were so light and he had on the prettiest and brightest of oranges on his beard. I guess happy drugs work the same on beardies
I have to put ointment in his eye twice a day, and keep him from climbing for 24 hours. Other than that, it should be business as usual until we get the lab results back.
August 11 at 6:46pm
Around 5pm, I asked Pookie if he was hungry and wanted to eat something. I asked him all of the foods, starting with lettuce (general term for his greens, not iceberg itself), then cheerios, then worms, to which he ignored me. It wasn't until I asked "Do you want some green beans?" that he opened his good eye
really big, and just stared at me. I asked again just to be sure, and he maintained his stare. After defrosting then cooling down a small bunch of frozen green beans, I handed one to him and he just gobbled it down, then another, then another, until he was full after 5 big pieces. I'm so glad that he still has an appetite and ability to tell me what he wanted <3
August 12 at 10:50am
So far, he'd tried to scratch his face with his back foot twice; luckily he couldn't reach it. As soon as I say "Eh eh eh! No scratching your eye!", he'd stop and put his foot down. He allowed me to rinse his eye with a saline solution, then put the ointment in/on it.
August 12 at 3:54pm
Pookie update (8/12, 3:41pm): Since being woken up a little before 8am, he had been doing well. When I removed his blankie, he was still fast asleep; it wasn't until I softly called his name (repeatedly
) that he slowly woke up. He had on the prettiest yellow/orange specks on his beard. About a half hour later, I put him back into his house, where he quietly sat for awhile until he suddenly decided to rub his eye against the corner of his (hard) couch. It was then that I immediately picked him up and placed him on top of the couch, in front of the window. Since then, he tried to scratch his eye 3 times, but luckily his back foot couldn't reach it; and twice rubbed the right side of his face on the lambskin cover. But he would stop as soon as I said "eh eh eh!".
He had eaten 5 worms, 3 cheerios, and 4 pieces (all over 1.5 inches long) of green beans. I'm so glad that his appetite is still the same, that the anesthesia didn't upset his tummy.
He also allowed me to rinse out his eye with a saline solution, dab it dry with a paper towel, then put the Rx ointment in/on his eye, with no fuss at all.
In a nutshell, my baby is being a good boy/patient <3
As for me, I'd been trying to keep my mind busy so I won't dwell on the unknown. Thanks to everyone who tried to keep me sane yesterday, and for all of your well wishes and prayers.
August 12 at 8:40pm
There are 3 small stitches to his eyelid. I haven't seen it yet, because I'm blind as a bat within arms' length but didn't see the need to put on my reading glasses to see it. I'm glad that I was able to rinse off the dried up blood from yesterday. I'm sure it felt soothing because he didn't even shake his head.
So, that will be part of my morning routine - rinse his eye out with saline then put the ointment in the eye, then plop him in front of the window instead of putting him back home.
August 15 at 2:28pm
(why do all of my important phone calls come in while I'm in the bathroom!)
Finally received the dreaded phone call from the vet regarding Pookie's eyelid growth. His lengthy voicemail message stated that the lab results came back with a positive of squamous cell carcinoma. Fortunately(?), it seems to be localized to just his lower eyelid. At this point in time, he's not sure on the margin of removal until he goes into the eyelid. Also, he stated that, after consult with a former colleague, squamous cell carcinoma had been a frequent occurrence in bearded dragons as of late. He will call back on Monday to discuss where we go from here as far as surgery is concerned.
Am I relieved to finally get results? Yes. Am I relieved that it's localized? Yes. Am I any less upset that this happened to my baby? NO!
August 21 at 6:16pm
Pookie update (8/21):
We saw the ophthalmologist today. Dr. Pierce looked at both of Pookie's eyes (for comparison, I assume) and gave us a bit of good news: There is no tumor growing behind his eye. ^_^ (I should have not thought that there would be, since the eyeball would be pushed outwards if there were any tumors growing.) We didn't need to have an ultrasound, which probably saved me hundreds of dollars (not that it would have stopped me), because of the absence of a bulging eyeball.
Because the tumor spans corner to corner on the lower eyelid, there may be the possibility that he could lose some of his upper eyelid as well, which could result in the removal of his eye altogether. "Why?", you ask? Because there'd be no way for him to blink or protect his eye with so much eyelid loss. So, with that said, Dr. Pierce suggested an alternative to surgery: treatment using medication where it would kill the carcinoma cells, which may reduce the size of the tumor, which may save some of the eyelids. The only problem is that he's not aware of this treatment ever done on a bearded dragon (or any reptile, for that matter) before; only had been successful in treatment of horses. He will be doing some research into whether this could be possible, and how to achieve the correct compound mixture. If this alternative doesn't work, then surgery is the only option.
So, as of this writing, we're waiting for the hopeful alternative treatment so some of his eyelids could be saved.
Here are some photos of my baby with owie eye and his long-awaited COS. It was not easy finding a clear plastic sheet that was flexible enough to bend, but not too thin that it may cut him. I finally had to resort to using a plastic serving lid from Party City.
August 21 at 6:43pm
Oh, I completely forgot to tell you guys about the funny parts of our visit today.
As soon as we walked up to the reception desk, we were "aww'd" and "ooo'd" by all of the staff, and a few strange, but intrigued, looks from visiting clients. Pookie was very well behaved while sitting in the waiting room and all throughout the exam, but as soon as the docs were done looking at him, he started to bolt. Even while we were back in the waiting room (waiting for paperwork and pay the bill), he kept trying to run for the door, and off of the reception counter while I was paying the bill. I couldn't even hold him to my chest! However, as soon as we walked outside and headed to the car, he was calm as a cucumber, and didn't move a muscle during the entire car ride home. He knew he was done even before I did. Brat!
August 25 at 2:52pm
The initial information given to me by my vet was semi-positive, in that he would be ok once the tumor was removed. Now, after a visit with an ophthalmologist, Pookie was pretty much given a death sentence, that he has a few months to live even if surgery was successful, because the cells would come back ten-fold if it does decide to come back.
Dr. Pierce (the ophthalmologist that my regular vet referred us to) had mentioned a treatment that was successful in treating horses with SCC, but after additional research and consultation with other herp specialists, this treatment (a cocktail of multiple medicines, almost like chemotherapy) had never been administered to a bearded dragon before, and no one is comfortable in trying it. He gave me two options: strontium radiation or complete removal of lower eyelid. He also said that the radiation isn't a guarantee, that if there were cells that weren't irradiated, it would become more aggressive and could potentially grow deeper into any cavity. Removal of the eyelid (AND subsequently eye itself because there's no way a beardie's could 'live' without a lower eyelid, to prevent infection or other adverse effects) would be the best option, but that in itself still isn't a guarantee. Dr. Pierce stated that, once the cancer cells are present, the possibility of return is greater and could be far worse than the initial growth. In addition, he stated that Pookie has 4-5 months left to live, despite having the surgery to remove the tumor, and that I need to have the surgery performed as soon as possible or his life will be that much faster shortened.
Here's the rant (and cursing) part: Why in the hell would Dr. Pierce give me so much optimism on Friday (during our initial consultation), then turn around and give me a ****ing death sentence for Pookie? Also, I thought that this type of cancer was easily "treatable", in that as long as the margin of removal was good, the chances of it returning was slim. If, after removal of both eyelid and eye itself, the cancer would still come back, that Pookie only has 4-5 months to live regardless, then why the hell would I want to put him through the surgery and possibly severe depression afterwards from not being able to see from his right side?! Why would I make him suffer more than he should if it won't make a damn of a difference either way?! If Pookie only has 4-5 months left to live, wouldn't/shouldn't I just allow him to live it the way he is now, where he's happy?
August 26 at 11:59pm
Dum-dum me decided to go into the office today, only because I had a staff meeting to attend to. My intention was to only be there until after the meeting, then come back home to finish out the day. Well, I ended up staying for lunch, a very extended lunch, and by the time I got back to my desk, it was well after 2pm. By then, my emotions (and guilt) had gotten the best of me, and I suddenly found myself going into an emotional downward spiral. I asked my manager if I could leave, that was on the verge of an emotional meltdown; to my surprise, she told me that she was surprised that I showed up. On the way home, I suddenly looked up at the sky and the clouds, and saw beams of light piercing through the clouds, like the ones you see when someone had passed away. I immediately had this uneasy, sinking feeling, a feeling of doom. My mind raced and thought that Pookie had suddenly passed away while I was at work, and that I wasn't there to comfort him during his last hours. The guilt was overwhelming, so much so that I actually feared going home, feared what I would find when I stepped foot inside the house.
As soon as I got home, I immediately looked on top of the couch (his normal perching spot) for Pookie, but he wasn't there. Then I looked inside his house, and again, he wasn't there. Just as I was getting ready to go into panic mode, I saw him sitting in front of the girls' house, just as he'd always done. He was fine, he wasn't hurting, he was just fine.
What did all of this tell me? That I cannot be away from the house, away from Pookie, for more than an hour, which was what I'd been doing for the past 3 weeks.
August 27 at 1:12am
It wasn't until the specialist gave my Pookster a 4-5 month death sentence that I'd been even more worried about leaving him. Before that, it was merely to watch that he didn't rub his eye too much. Now, I'm afraid that he'll pass away at the drop of a hat. Damn that doctor!
August 30 at 4:47pm
Why didn't anyone tell me that I'd been the cause of Pookie's "depression" (unwillingness to eat as much as he should and just moping around the house)?!
Ever since we received the bad news, I'd been keeping him in the house "for his protection". Little did I know that I was doing more harm than good. Our hour long visit to PetSmart (where he got mad at me because I wouldn't let him crawl onto a customer's lap) then almost hour long visit to the beach really perked him up, so much so that he ate 9 Cheerios and 4 worms this morning.
September 7 at 12:37am
Update on Pookie (for those who honestly care):
We went for a second opinion on Friday, with an Avian & Exotics vet. Dr. McC was a very knowledgeable exotics vet, had wonderful bedside manners, and properly answered all of my questions and concerns. She offered me options other than surgery, but also provided me with the possible pitfalls. She even consulted with both the surgeon and ophthalmologist at the vet hospital before telling me anything concrete. She gave Pookie a quick exam and said that he looked good overall.
Towards the end of the appointment, my guilt conscience got to the best of me and I had to fess up that the reason why we were there was because we wanted a second opinion. I told Dr. McC that the other doctor gave my baby a death sentence of 4-5 months, that chemotherapy was not an option because it had never been done before. Well, that did not sit well with Dr. McC; she told me that Pookie would not die in 4-5 months, and that she would do a little more research into the success rate with removal of SCC in bearded dragons. To my surprise, I received a call from Dr. McC on Saturday morning, with information that brought me a huge sigh of relief. There were two documented cases of bearded dragons with SCC of the eyelid, and both had surgery to remove the tumor, eyelid, and the eye. Both beardies survived at least 1.5 years after their surgeries. One was 8 years old when the surgery was performed, but a necropsy wasn't performed to determine the cause of death; the other beardie did not die of a reoccurring cancer growth.
With that said, because Pookie would never allow me to administer lubricating drops into his eye every few hours for the rest of his life, I had made the difficult decision to remove not just the tumor and lower eyelid, but his eye as well. This decision was not made with ease, trust me. As of this writing, I'm still asking myself, "Are you sure you're doing the right thing?", but I know it has to be done, for Pookie's sake. Also, after monitoring his behavior this past week, I noticed that he was using his right eye to see less and less. It wasn't because he couldn't see out of his right eye, but more that he could see better with his left. My smarty-pants baby was already adjusting his life before he needed to <3
Pookie is scheduled for surgery on Tuesday. Due to the invasive surgery, they'll be keeping him overnight for observations and pain management. And yes, they do have staff at the hospital after hours. If all goes well, I should be able to pick him up some time Wednesday morning.
Please continue to pray for my baby, pray that he does well during and after the surgery.
September 8 at 1:22pm
Pookie was dropped off at the vet hospital this morning, along with his blanket and Mr. Bear, in case he got scared and needed his security BFF. Of course, I cried while we waited for the tech to come. I told Pookie that he had to be brave and be a good boy, that the doctors will take good care of him. I also told him that I love him very much, that I will miss him, and that I will see him again no later than tomorrow. While we waited to be seen, Pookie was wrapped up in his blanket for warmth, with Mr. Bear sitting on the bench next to us. I don't know if it's because I kept stroking him and talking to him, but his beard was so yellow and he was so calm, even when strangers and their dogs walked by.
According to the tech, they perform surgeries at 1pm, so Pookie should be in surgery by now.
How am I doing? I'm numb. I want to cry, but something is preventing me from doing so. I think my heart had shut down to avoid having an emotional meltdown. My brain keeps thinking about our sleep last night, how, despite my limbs going numb from not moving, Pookie slept on my chest the entire night.
September 8 at 2:12pm
Dr. McC just called (thank god that Zim decided to come inside when he did). Pookie's surgery went well, but there was unexpected bleeding that caused them to close the wound a little earlier than planned. What that means is that some of the granular tear ducts may have been left behind (couldn't tell due to the blood present), which could cause the socket to continue to "tear". But that could be addressed by going back in to cleaning remove the ducts or an injection to paralyze them for good.
He is already starting to wake up, though incredibly groggy. He'll be kept overnight to ensure that the stitches hold, no additional bleeding occurs, and pain management. As always, no news is good news . . . so of course, I'm hoping for no news including up until I pick him up tomorrow.
September 9 at 9:21am
I just heard from the vet. She said that Pookie did very well overnight and that the incision looks good. There was a bit of crusting around the incision, but that was from the leakage from yesterday. He "snubbed her" (hee hee) when she tried to get him to eat some greens.
I CAN PICK HIM UP AT 2PM!!!
September 9 at 3:36pm
Pookie's home!
We had to wait a little bit for him to be brought out to the exam room because he was having a photo shoot. They thought he was the most adorable beardie ever, especially with his Mr. Bear.
Surprisingly, he still had all of his happy colors and wasn't mad at me at all. Both Dr. McC and the tech were very impressed with how well behaved he was, including getting his med injections.
As for home care, I have to give him daily injections of Metacam (beardie equivalent of Advil) for 5 days, not wash or clean the surgery site (to allow healing to begin), and prevent him from rubbing/scratching his face. We have a follow-up next Wednesday to ensure that everything's healing well. The sutures won't come out until 3-4 weeks from now.
(side note: He's already head bobbing at Gianna, who just started to frantically pace the front of her house. She hasn't been this active for nearly a month.)
September 16 at 11:44pm
Pookie had his post-surgery follow-up visit today and everything is healing up nicely. The vet was still impressed at how well he looked overall.
Of course, I had to ask the silly question of whether Pookie had snuggled up to Mr. Bear while he was in the hospital (because the suspense was killing me). Dr. McC chuckled and said that he had his head rested on Mr. Bear's legs whenever he was in the enclosure, that it was the cutest thing ever. That's why they wanted to take photos of him
If nothing happens between now and 2 weeks later, the stitches should be removed. (Note to self: Call tomorrow to make the appointment)
September 17 at 12:02am
Oh, I forgot to mention that Gianna was unusually calm and quiet again today. She didn't do her usual pacing and begging to come out to play. I didn't put too much thought into why until I picked up Pookie (from the floor of the hallway) to go to his doctor's appointment. The sudden change in posture and the look on Gianna's face was one of fear, almost to the point of panic. As soon as I saw her look at me then at Pookie, I immediately realized that she was afraid that Pookie was going away again, that she may not see her Daddy come back home. Of course, I told her that we were only going for a checkup, that we'd be back real soon.
The first thing I did when we got back was to put Pookie in front of Gianna (while she was in her house) and tell her that he's ok. She gave him a very intense stare, and he did the same to her, but with no black beards nor head bobs from either of them. It wasn't until she shifted her glance that I moved Pookie to the top of the couch so he could look out of the window.
(and no, I am not making this up; Gianna seriously had a look of concern)
September 24 at 12:06am
Pookie and I just can't win
When I fed Pookie worms both yesterday and this morning, he seemed to be having some trouble keeping the worms from escaping from the right side of his mouth. I figured that it was the worms being more wriggly than usual and didn't think twice about it again. It wasn't until I was all ready to leave for work this morning that something clicked, something bad.
As I was getting ready to open the front door to leave, and saying my goodbyes to everyone, I suddenly noticed a very dark spot on Pookie's right eye (or lack thereof). Because I'm blind as a bat past 10 feet, I decided to walk back upstairs and get a closer look. And because I'm blind as a bat seeing closeup as well, I couldn't tell what the spot was, so I touched his face to see if it'd rub off. Well, that was not the right thing to do because Pookie flinched and tried to run off. Since his surgery, he had never flinched when I touched the right side of his face, including his eyelid. I tried to touch him again, and again, he flinched and tried to run off. I then realized that it wasn't dirt (though there was no way that he could've gotten dirt on his face), that the spot was dried up blood.
If it wasn't for the fact that I had a meeting at work today, I would've immediately called the vet and rushed him over. Even though Pookie didn't seem fazed by this new development, I didn't want to chance it. So, off to work I went in the hopes that I could immediately come home after the 11am meeting. HA! At 4:45pm, I finally gave up trying to speak to my manager in person and sent her an email telling her that I called to make an emergency appointment for Pookie and left.
Turns out, he had somehow pulled out a couple of stitches, which resulted in little bleeding. I have no idea when he could've done this, because I didn't see anything there last night nor this morning. At least I didn't think I saw anything
Not wanting to see an open cavity for the rest of his life, I opted to have his eyelids re-sewn back together. However, if after removing the current sutures revealed torn eyelid skin where they'd have to cut more of it off, there may not be enough eyelid at the torn area to have sutures, and they may have to leave it open anyway
I hope to God that everything will be fine with his eyelids and that they'll be able to sew it back together.
We were only a week away from having the stitches removed
September 25 at 12:27pm
Pookie update: Just heard from Dr. McC. Re-closing of his eye went very well. The front part of the surgery site was already healed. Unfortunately, he did end up tearing through the eyelid, so the re-closing is now very tightly stretched. I will have to be very careful with his level of activity to prevent another tear.
He'd been in recovery for almost an hour, but is still groggy, so I won't be able to pick him up yet. Hope I'll receive the all-go call in a few hours.
September 25 at 3:00pm
It's three o'clock. Why haven't I received a call from the vet hospital to tell me that I can pick up my Pookster?
September 25 at 3:04pm
They just called. Pookie is still enjoying his "nap time", though everything seems to be ok (breathing is fine). The vet tech said that I can pick him up at 4pm.
September 26 at 5:18pm
Pookie update: Because he tore the stitches out from his upper eyelid, Dr. McC had to shave some of it off, which meant that she had to stretch the upper eyelid down tightly in order to close him back up. The concaved eye socket is now really showing through, making him look even more lopsided
The front half of his eye had already healed (thank god), so the sutures were just removed.
While we were still at the vet hospital, he barely opened his eye to acknowledge that I was there. He was still all sorts of sleepy and didn't want anything to do with anyone. Even during the ride home, he didn't want to wake up. However, within 5 minutes of being put back into his home (tank), a flash of something happened and Pookie opened his eye, immediately
black bearded and head bobbed at the girls. Then, a minute later, he flew up his inside ladder and up & over and down the outside ladder he went. He bearded at the girls for hours, never wanting them to his sights.
After speaking with a friend last night, we concluded that Pookie was totally playing the "woes me" game, the "have pity on me" scam
What a brat!
So far, he's doing well. He's eating and
drinking and exhibiting his normal energy level. My biggest challenge is keeping him from having another nutso day like he did last Tuesday for the next 2 weeks.
September 26 at 5:26pm
Oh shoot, I completely forgot to post what the vet said about his surgery site. When she removed the stitches to clean the area and close it again, she said that everything looked really good on the inside, that there weren't any residual blood nor other fluids. If he hadn't torn the stitches open, it would've been completely healed in a matter of days.
October 10 at 8:56pm
Pookie update: Since his re-closure of his eye, he'd been doing well. He hasn't acted like a ping-pong ball at all. Sure, he still came out to visit everyone, but they'd been short and not as crazed as on that one Tuesday. So far, everything looks good with the new the new stitches; we have 4 days to go until they get to be removed. Keep your fingers crossed that all will be well until then.
He gave Zim a kiss earlier. Of course, my heart melted and I gave him a kiss and hug for that.
Right now, Pookie is snuggling with me. He didn't want to go back home after his
bath, and he climbed up on me instead. <3
October 19 at 3:43pm
Pookie update: We had what I thought was our last vet visit (other than the regular checkups) last Wednesday. The last of the sutures were removed and the eye (or lack thereof) healed very well. During a routine quickie exam while he was in the back, Dr. McC felt a "mass" in his abdomen, in the vicinity of his intestines and stomach. Due to the squeezing that she gave him, Pookie released a small poop that mostly contained small pieces of greens. When Dr. McC came back into the exam room with Pookie, she showed me where the "mass" was and showed concern that it could be a growth; however, she quickly added that there wasn't anything unusual in his abdomen the last time Pookie was examined about a week ago. She said that it could simply be undigested food, despite the fact that he had pooped. I quickly remembered that I had fed him worms in the late afternoon the day before, and asked if the "mass" could still be the worms trying to digest. Going on that information, Dr. McC asked to see him back in a week, with the hopes that whatever's in his abdomen would have moved past his digestive tract.
Just when I thought I was finally able to not worry and celebrate Pookie's fight with cancer, I was once again struck with an anvil of worry. This is why it'd taken me days to post this update. I pray to God that the "mass" is nothing to be concerned about.
October 21 at 1:10pm
Pookie update:
Despite a very healthy poop this morning, Dr. McC still felt a mass in his abdomen. It was still a firm mass. Without knowing exactly where the mass resides and what it's attached to, she can't offer a sound diagnosis. Half of me wanted to find out what's going on, while the other half was screaming, "NO MORE BAD NEWS!!!".
I left my baby there to have an ultrasound performed. Depending on what that reveals, we may or may not have more issues to deal with long term.
October 21 at 3:01pm
Pookie update (2:48pm):
Just spoke with the vet and she delivered bad news on Pookie.
The "mass" that she felt was a tumor on his liver. As if that wasn't bad enough, the liver itself is inflamed and had swelled about twice its size. There also were lots of small nodules on the liver. Without performing additional exploratory testing, we won't know what the tumor is, meaning what type of cancer it is.
Even if I opted to have the tumor removed (which I'm not; there's no way I'm putting him through another invasive surgery), there's no guarantee that the nodules won't eventually develop into another tumor. Chemotherapy also isn't a guarantee.
I asked all sorts of questions, including what the prognosis is. Dr. McC said that, based on how fast the tumor had grown, we're looking at only weeks left. At this point, I can only make him as comfortable as possible, including giving him supplements to avoid a fast-coming liver failure . . . and spoil him as much as possible.
OH GOD, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITHOUT MY POOKIE!
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