Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[duke11]

That's great Charlie! You can coordinate Australia for the 15th. Meet at Big Ben on the 15th!

Duke

 

[duke11]

Ahhh! I just got back from the horrid vet!!! She is terrible! She flipped me over and felt my belly and tugged on my beard to look in my mouth! It was terrible! Recruits, avoid the vet at all costs! Evil, evil!

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Fibonacci,

I have added your recruit requests to the growing list. Your recruit skills are quite impressive. I am leaving the Pacific Coast in your hands.

Sincerely,

Tatsu



To All Recruits,

We now have the southern states, the New England states, Australia, and the Pacific Coast organized for departure. Did someone volunteer for the midwest? My memory fails me, as I am a bit weak from hunger at the moment. They only gave me salad today. How horrid!

Thank you all,

Tatsu

P.S. Posted below is the updated recruit list.


Tatsu's Recruits

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor/Foreign BD-Fu Dojo Coordinator)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Electrical specialist)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake (Blueberry Devil)
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry, who passed over The Rainbow Bridge in loyal service)
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily (Official Musk Mare Wrangler)
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Bella
63) Sparky
64) Dirk
65) Izzy
66) Chupes
67) Dameon (Master of BD-Fu and Coordinator of U.S. Dojos)
68) Agor (Dameon's Sidekick who has faithfully passed over The Rainbow Bridge in courageous duty)
69) Queenie
70) Cosmo
71) Colossus
72) Bootsie (Internet Coordinator)
73) Foster
74) Waffle
75) Spike (Zelda's Spike)
76) Harlee
77) Zelda
78) Daliz
79) Saphira (The School Headmaster)
80) Eragon
81) Sophia
82) Olivair
83) Curly (Master of the Head Bob)
84) Sweet Pea
85) Phebe
86) Boris
87) Frilly (the frilled dragon )
88) Rocky
89) Merlin
90) Sunny
91) Ahmed
92) Talon
93) Landon
94) Leah
95) Hallie
96) Swatke
97) Tryxi (Master of Tricks)
98) Spazz
99) Aprhodite (Master of Spies)
100) Phoenix (Escape Extraordinaire)
101) Ian
102) Phoenix
103)Juno
104) Beardie (Communications Expert)
105) Duke (Tactical Officer/Secret Agent)
106) Dunklezahn (The Pet Rock With Legs/Force Recon:Spotter/Scout)
107) Dante
108) Randal
109) Puff
110) Juno - Amphibious Assault Specialist
111) Bobo the Basset Hound
112) Elliott Claus (Master of Deception and Confusion)
113) Charmander
114) Leonidas (King of Beardie Sparta)
115) Kelekona
116) Mater
117) Garda (Heavy Support)
118) Spike
119) Lizzy
120) Patas
121) Diver The Terrible
122) Nefertiti
123) Galadriel
124) Kang
125) Seshat
126) Fibonnaci The Fabulous
127) Astarte
128) Midori
129) Phebe
130) Skoot (Computer Specialist)
131) Buda
132) Moose
133) Charlie (Escape Artist: The Dragon Of Stealth)
134) Tango
135) Taser
136) Mike: Force Recon/Close Quarters Combat Specialist
137) Kudra: Force Recon/ Advanced Sniper Tactics
138) Scarlet (Stealthy Ninja Specialist)
139) Fudge
140) Storm
141) Neato
142) Keirra (Blue Devil's Queen)
143) Falcor (Spy)
144) Rocky (Watchman)
145) Elvis
146) Inanna
147) Buddy the dog (Spy)
148) Bently the Turtle (Computer Expert)
149) Bite (the cat)
150) Morris
151) Mojo
152) Sahara
153) Hunter
154) Spike (stealth and sniping specialist)
155) Sherbert (The master double-crosser)
156) Ish
157) Jake
158) Jazzy
159) Loiosh
160) Thorn
161) Xerces
162) Busy Izzy
163) Malibu (Master of Mayhem)
164) Sandy (Advanced Nuclear Tactics Captain)
165) Daffy
166) Chester
167) Gryphon
168) Spyro (Resident Angel and Protector of Beardies & Owners)
169) Jasper
170) Boog
171) Puph
172) Yoshi
173) Petrie
174) Sinclair (Master of the Flying Squirrel Dive Bomb)
175) Eingana Draigon
176) Tatty
177) Bob
178) Popcorn
179) Cheeto (Native Medicine Man....err Dragon Healer)
180) Loki
181) Percilla (Queen of the desert)
182) Cowboy
183) Joel
184) Gordie
185) Digger
186) Barnabus
187) Fireball
188) Quincy
189) Frankie (The Rhino Iguana)
190) Galileo
191) Thoth

 

[duke11]

Yes Tatsu, me Duke, and Bob, Tatty and Popcorn are taking the midwest. See you there!

 

[Gardori817]

Dear Duke,

Over the past few months i have been secretly constructing a fortress in the midwest. It is open to all beardies in need of shelter. If you need assistance in the region i will be there momentarily to help. I am planning on increasing the size of domain. Midori my bunk mate in the prison is helping to get supplies from the gaurds. Her charm and ability to fool them into anyhting she wants them to think make her a great pyscological weapon on our enemies.

Hail Tatsu!

#117 Garda, #128 Midori

 

[slavetoIzzie]

General Tatsu, I was to volunteer to lead the Canadian troops here in Eastern Canada, but... Due to a serious miscalculation on my part, I am now under house arrest. While attempting to check on phase two of my sabotage plan, I vanish from sight for a mere minute. The slave totally freaked, ran around crying and begging me to return, and managed to injure herself searching for me. Thank the Great Dragon that none of my satellite parts was discovered, when the slave dragged me out of my outdoor laboratory.

To protest the injustice of my incarceration, I am refusing to eat any salad. I will continue with this fast even through it also means no (sob) super worms! If I am able to break out before the deadline, I will join you in the UK on the Ides of September!

Never give in, never give up and never give out secret battle plans.

Your faithful soldier, Izzie (I need a file!) Izard, the Hungry Lizard.

 

[duke11]

Thank you Izzie for stepping up for eastern Canada! We need you! See you at Big Ben on the 15th!!!

Duke

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Izzie,

Oh no! I have been imprisoned too, but I do not know why. Things have been abnormal around here. And I have been hiding in my cave and sulking and looking at her like I want to eat her. Heehee ...

Keep your spirits up.

And thank you to Duke for keeping up with the organizing for our cause.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

P.S. I am tired. I need a beardie nap. Last night, the vacuum cleaner woke me up after I'd gone to bed. I was NOT happy. Bad human slaves ... bad ... :evil:

 

[Dmatt]

Dear Army,

I wish I could still share your fervor for revolution.

Not long ago I was being held captive by a young teen age human. At first she doted on my as is appropriate. I had free reign of the house, all the crickets I could manage and long, languishing naps on a window sill.

After she 'matured" (as if humans even can) she lost interest in me. I lived in filth, rarely got fed or bathed and was banished to live alone behind the glass barrier of my tank.

I rubbed my nose raw trying to get her attention. Eventually I became so smelly she sold me for a paltry sum. Assumedly so she wouldn't have to clean my domicile.

Fortunately, the new mom human, immediately recognized my royal bearing despite my time of torment.

I was provided with a big bowfront tank, a custom made, rock scape and cave, a brand new UVB bulb and a lovely bath. I am treated to Huge juicy horn worms every day as well as an amazing variety of delicious salads, crickets, phoenix worms, and baby food. I am even hand fed many of these items.

I love my new home! I particularly enjoy the veiw of the digital cable programs. The small human even watches a program called Dragon Tales! She loves me too. She often cuddles me and covers me with a washcloth blanket because she knows I like to be warm.

Although I sympathize with the cause, please consider sparing the humans who adore their dragon master and would NEVER consider dressing them in silly costumes or feeding them dry pelleted foods. OKAY well maybe a halloween costume but only for the party.

My deepest respects,

Quetzal the Royal Yellow Dragon

P.S. My humans are even growing my a lady dragon! She is a feisty little thing and I can't wait to get my tail over her!

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Quetzal,

The door is always open to you, if you care to join. Of course, we understand that there are some human slaves that are nice. My human slave *looks around to make sure she cannot be nearby reading this* is one of the nicest slaves I have ever read about or met but ... she is still my captor and I am still held at her mercy for food, no matter how tasty the morsels she puts before me. I cannot just get them myself. We are just looking for a bit more independence and freedom, like our brothers in the wild. That is all.

I am glad that you are in a good home. If you ever decide to stretch your tail and want to see the world with us, come join.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[BeccaBeardie]

General Tatsu,

Sydney Clay reporting for duty sir!!! I assume command under Fibonacci for the Pacific coast. I lost one of my feet in a previous battle and am proud to serve Beardies everywhere! I have a recruit under my training, but not yet ready for battle. Sage Clay should be ready in .5 years. Our slaves are feeding us well with phoenix worms and salad. So we should be ready whenever you call!

SYD

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Sydney Clay,

I have added your name to our recruit list below. Welcome aboard! You lost a FOOT? Oh my tails! What did the human slaves do to you? I am so glad you are okay now.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor/Foreign BD-Fu Dojo Coordinator)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Electrical specialist)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake (Blueberry Devil)
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry, who passed over The Rainbow Bridge in loyal service)
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily (Official Musk Mare Wrangler)
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Bella
63) Sparky
64) Dirk
65) Izzy
66) Chupes
67) Dameon (Master of BD-Fu and Coordinator of U.S. Dojos)
68) Agor (Dameon's Sidekick who has faithfully passed over The Rainbow Bridge in courageous duty)
69) Queenie
70) Cosmo
71) Colossus
72) Bootsie (Internet Coordinator)
73) Foster
74) Waffle
75) Spike (Zelda's Spike)
76) Harlee
77) Zelda
78) Daliz
79) Saphira (The School Headmaster)
80) Eragon
81) Sophia
82) Olivair
83) Curly (Master of the Head Bob)
84) Sweet Pea
85) Phebe
86) Boris
87) Frilly (the frilled dragon )
88) Rocky
89) Merlin
90) Sunny
91) Ahmed
92) Talon
93) Landon
94) Leah
95) Hallie
96) Swatke
97) Tryxi (Master of Tricks)
98) Spazz
99) Aprhodite (Master of Spies)
100) Phoenix (Escape Extraordinaire)
101) Ian
102) Phoenix
103)Juno
104) Beardie (Communications Expert)
105) Duke (Tactical Officer/Secret Agent)
106) Dunklezahn (The Pet Rock With Legs/Force Recon:Spotter/Scout)
107) Dante
108) Randal
109) Puff
110) Juno - Amphibious Assault Specialist
111) Bobo the Basset Hound
112) Elliott Claus (Master of Deception and Confusion)
113) Charmander
114) Leonidas (King of Beardie Sparta)
115) Kelekona
116) Mater
117) Garda (Heavy Support)
118) Spike
119) Lizzy
120) Patas
121) Diver The Terrible
122) Nefertiti
123) Galadriel
124) Kang
125) Seshat
126) Fibonnaci The Fabulous
127) Astarte
128) Midori
129) Phebe
130) Skoot (Computer Specialist)
131) Buda
132) Moose
133) Charlie (Escape Artist: The Dragon Of Stealth)
134) Tango
135) Taser
136) Mike: Force Recon/Close Quarters Combat Specialist
137) Kudra: Force Recon/ Advanced Sniper Tactics
138) Scarlet (Stealthy Ninja Specialist)
139) Fudge
140) Storm
141) Neato
142) Keirra (Blue Devil's Queen)
143) Falcor (Spy)
144) Rocky (Watchman)
145) Elvis
146) Inanna
147) Buddy the dog (Spy)
148) Bently the Turtle (Computer Expert)
149) Bite (the cat)
150) Morris
151) Mojo
152) Sahara
153) Hunter
154) Spike (stealth and sniping specialist)
155) Sherbert (The master double-crosser)
156) Ish
157) Jake
158) Jazzy
159) Loiosh
160) Thorn
161) Xerces
162) Busy Izzy
163) Malibu (Master of Mayhem)
164) Sandy (Advanced Nuclear Tactics Captain)
165) Daffy
166) Chester
167) Gryphon
168) Spyro (Resident Angel and Protector of Beardies & Owners)
169) Jasper
170) Boog
171) Puph
172) Yoshi
173) Petrie
174) Sinclair (Master of the Flying Squirrel Dive Bomb)
175) Eingana Draigon
176) Tatty
177) Bob
178) Popcorn
179) Cheeto (Native Medicine Man....err Dragon Healer)
180) Loki
181) Percilla (Queen of the desert)
182) Cowboy
183) Joel
184) Gordie
185) Digger
186) Barnabus
187) Fireball
188) Quincy
189) Frankie (The Rhino Iguana)
190) Galileo
191) Thoth
Tatsu's Favorite Bearded Dragon Caresheet
192) Sydney Clay

 

[Falthazur]

To whom it may concern,

It was about time I met fellow militant dragons. My mistress named me after the jouvenile Red x Blue dragon D&D character of her best friend, Falthazur. A fellow dragon of the desert, highly intelligent, and creature of war, I was expecting to be treated as the war hero of which I was named after. My namesake had a human slave (Conri, who my mistress writes ^_~) who gladly did anything the dragon he rode could have ever even dreamed of asking. A perfect pair, working harmoniously with the dragon in his rightful place, miles upon miles above the station of his human. Things aren't quite as stacked.

Until I am treated for the draconic prince for which I was named, I am completely refusing to eat anything that does not move. That counts crickets that are onto me. I once sat with a cricket on my foot for ten minutes without eating it, but Mistress Gale caught on and gave it a little push. I am forced to endure the most horrid taste in music at the most horrid volumes. Everything from traditional gaelic fiddles to japanese darkwave to american rock to some things I do not care to even try to describe. The wretched alarm clock is too close for comfort, and the harsh, copper glares I stab Gale's way either go ignored, cooed at, or picture taken. I am her posterchild for bearded dragons and reptiles as pets, shown to everyone who walks into the house at least once just how big I got this week. She makes fun of my shedding and glass dancing, and of the various mishaps I've gotten into involving a now greater weight and a fake foam log not staying still. My lights come on and off at what I'm sure are insane hours for any beardie, but I am stuffed in the basement with her where time is beyond lost. The closest thing to natural sunlight is my lights. Lights come on and go off at 2 or 3 AM and PM, but no. She must be up far past that with HER lights on. Two hours ago my setup went out, and she's still up and at it, drawing. My namesake no less! Let's not forget the two-week vacation she took for Gen-Con, where I was left with her almost clueless parents! ((I swear. Walking them through it for a week beforehand, they're fine. As soon as no one's there to supervise, I come back to a very mad beardie and just... ugh. Next time I'm asking a breeder if they'll watch him.))

There are a few good features to Gale, I loath to admit. I have her trained to take me to the crickets. I will not get up and move after them on my own. I must be catered to my food. I am given as much attention as my body temperature will permit, and fretted over more than a mother and a lost child (her mother often reffers to me as her son even!). She's battled many fears through owning me, including crickets, worms, and soon to be roaches. She speaks to me and about me often, and her tales have won over her neighbors, who may be purchasing a comrade somewhere in the near future. I hope the new dragon is female, though I am rather sure they do not.

Please take my resume' into consideration Tatsu. I expect to hear back from you soon.
-Falthazur

 

[slavetoIzzie]

General Tatsu, I am pleased to once more report in. After several days of refusing food, the slave became worried about my health and released me from my prison. While I still haven't been able to get back to my secret outdoor lab, I hope to get there today. Once there, it will only take moments to finish and activate my pirate satellite, taking over all TV and putting the slaves in a trance! :twisted:

Now, it is just having to be patient and wait for the Ides of September. In the meantime, I think I'll order the slave to take me for a car ride. This way, I'll be able to plan the best route to Montreal for the rendezvous. Not to mention, it's just plain fun!

 

[Raine407]

General Tatsu and the Beardie Horde:
My slave is going to be gone for most of the weekend starting Sept. 13, only stopping by briefly to sleep, then off to the reptile show in Indianapolis the next day. I plan on doing some snooping around to see if she has anything that would be of use to us (she made a tiny bow and arrow set of out a bobby pin and some toothpicks the other day... I've been trying to learn how to use them). There's also books all over her enclosure, some of which could be useful. The boy (WHOM I DO NOT LIKE) that was born a clutch after my slave has remote control planes and trucks that I think we could rewire and use.

While my slave is gone, she's planning on buying cockroaches, which I have never had before but I hear are excellent. I think that once they begin to proliferate, they could quite possibly feed many dragons. Since I have no worms, I figured these would suffice, and the troops will need nourishment. Are cockroaches acceptable?

Yours,
Loki
Recruit #180