Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[duke11]

General Tatsu,

I thought we'd do it sometime in late August or September while most people's humans are at work or at school. What do you think?

Duke

 

[Sekhautet]

General Tatsu,

I thought we'd do it sometime in late August or September while most people's humans are at work or at school. What do you think?

Duke

September sounds splendid to me. The plot thickens ...

 

[Kiron500111]

My Dearest Tatsu,
I am ready to work. My human slave-father has decided to get me a mate, he's making preparations for the new recruit. I have recently mastered a 24th martial art technique, and am working on the 25th. My slave continues to embarrass me, bathing me in front of his crowd of other slaves. And recently, he took me out of my basking spot, to hold me, and I was not happy, not happy at all. Master Tatsu, I am going to train the new recruit, in the ways of martial arts, but I hope i can remain your Martial-Arts Specialist. We are devising a plan, a plan to get you out of your predicament. I would do anything for you. Master Tatsu, I have acquired a spellbook, one of which I shall use to break free of this see-through prison cell. I have hid it under my basking spot, so that my slave will not see it. I am also training to become your (Chief Martial-Artist of Magic). At this moment, I am extending my beard in hostility for the master-father-slave, and I hope that when he sees me, when he stops playing his wii, that he will find me ready to strike, I have already studied chapters 1-3 in my spellbook, the next one is mind control, muwhahahaha! Oh Crickets! Master Tatsu, I am writing this with utmost urgency, my slave has beaten his level on Super Paper Mario, and is coming to give me a bath, something about me shedding... But All-mighty Tatsu, I bid you farewell for the moment, I must leave.


Izzy (Chief Martial-Artist of Magic)

 

[melissajo29]

Tatsu sir,
Curly here (recruit #83). Being that you are accepting other animals as recruits, i believe we may have a wonderful addition to the army. We don't get along so well, but perhaps i could persuade phebe to speak with him about it. His name is frankie and he's a rhino iguana. he's really big and, i must be honest, he scared me one day as i was innocently walking by his cage! (good thing he can't get out of it on his own :wink: ) Mommy, er, the human slave says he's still only a boy and will be much larger one day. And he can blow snot rockets, which i believe to be a great attack strategy
So we attack in September, huh? Perhaps it will be while the slaves are on vacation-then it will be a piece of cake as "Grampa" will be caring for us. He's so into frankie when he comes over-he just feeds us and goes right to frankie (i think he knows i'd poop bomb him :twisted: ) We can get him and the "grammy" while frankie's already out and then we can join everyone at the rendevous point!
Keep us posted fearless leader
Curly (Master of the Head Bob)

 

[duke11]

Tatsu,

The Ides of September sounds perfect! My humans (my owner, her brother, and her parents) are all gone during the day so possibly we could leave to the UK in the morning on a weekday (not Friday, human works at home) like at 10am or something. Possibly... I already got my bags packed, we just have to figure out an exact date!

Duke out!

 

[slavetoIzzie]

Hail, General Tatsu!

I have been very busy with my training course and can report with great success. I have completed the first phase of my electrical sabotage and will begin on Phase 2 tomorrow night. I'll report on that once it is done.

A word of warning to all beardies engaged in sabotage, do not mess with the TV! This device is actually part of Phase 1. It is currently broadcasting subliminal messages designed to demoralize and render the slaves incapable of fighting back.

Your loyal soldier, Izzie - Electrical Specialist

 

[Sekhautet]

Hail, General Tatsu!

I have been very busy with my training course and can report with great success. I have completed the first phase of my electrical sabotage and will begin on Phase 2 tomorrow night. I'll report on that once it is done.

A word of warning to all beardies engaged in sabotage, do not mess with the TV! This device is actually part of Phase 1. It is currently broadcasting subliminal messages designed to demoralize and render the slaves incapable of fighting back.

Your loyal soldier, Izzie - Electrical Specialist

Dear Izzie,

I tapped into my human slave's phone line tonight and learned they are getting a Wii possibly ... a gift from the one's parents ... Ah ... I think all of us in the army should purchase such a device. I hear there is a Wii FIT that would get us all in better shape.

Just a thought for you recruits,

Tatsu

 

[Sekhautet]

My Dearest Tatsu,
I am ready to work. My human slave-father has decided to get me a mate, he's making preparations for the new recruit. I have recently mastered a 24th martial art technique, and am working on the 25th. My slave continues to embarrass me, bathing me in front of his crowd of other slaves. And recently, he took me out of my basking spot, to hold me, and I was not happy, not happy at all. Master Tatsu, I am going to train the new recruit, in the ways of martial arts, but I hope i can remain your Martial-Arts Specialist. We are devising a plan, a plan to get you out of your predicament. I would do anything for you. Master Tatsu, I have acquired a spellbook, one of which I shall use to break free of this see-through prison cell. I have hid it under my basking spot, so that my slave will not see it. I am also training to become your (Chief Martial-Artist of Magic). At this moment, I am extending my beard in hostility for the master-father-slave, and I hope that when he sees me, when he stops playing his wii, that he will find me ready to strike, I have already studied chapters 1-3 in my spellbook, the next one is mind control, muwhahahaha! Oh Crickets! Master Tatsu, I am writing this with utmost urgency, my slave has beaten his level on Super Paper Mario, and is coming to give me a bath, something about me shedding... But All-mighty Tatsu, I bid you farewell for the moment, I must leave.


Izzy (Chief Martial-Artist of Magic)

Dear Izzy,

I am weak with hunger and my memory fails me. My human slave's accomplice has me on a "soft food only" diet still. They are trying to break my will, yet, again. When will they ever learn? I will NOT be broken.

Anyway ... I recognize your human slave's username? Have you signed up for the army already or are you applying? I know we have a few Izzy's on here.

Sorry for the confusion.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

P.S. Please send supers ASAP. I am so hungry.

 

[Sekhautet]

Tatsu,

The Ides of September sounds perfect! My humans (my owner, her brother, and her parents) are all gone during the day so possibly we could leave to the UK in the morning on a weekday (not Friday, human works at home) like at 10am or something. Possibly... I already got my bags packed, we just have to figure out an exact date!

Duke out!

Dear Duke,

I think that "The Ides" implies the 15th, which is a good date. Labor Day will be when all our human slaves are home, and that is earlier for us in the U.S. here in the month, so we don't want that day. It would be too hard to coordinate. The middle of the month is perfect.

We will commence plans as of now.

Suggestions for travel, anyone? A list of supplies we will need? A list of pet shops to overtake in the UK? Anyone?

Sincerely,

Tatsu

P.S. I know I already said this once, but please, PLEASE, PLEEEASE send some supers. I am so, so hungry.

 

[Sekhautet]

Tatsu sir,
Curly here (recruit #83). Being that you are accepting other animals as recruits, i believe we may have a wonderful addition to the army. We don't get along so well, but perhaps i could persuade phebe to speak with him about it. His name is frankie and he's a rhino iguana.

Dear Recruit #83,

I have added Frankie to the recruit list below. Snot balls sound disgustingly fun and wonderful. I will have to read up on this subject.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

P.S. PLEASE SEND ME SUPERS! HELP ME! I AM SO HUNGRY!


Tatsu's Recruits

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor/Foreign BD-Fu Dojo Coordinator)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Electrical specialist)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake (Blueberry Devil)
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry, who passed over The Rainbow Bridge in loyal service)
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily (Official Musk Mare Wrangler)
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Bella
63) Sparky
64) Dirk
65) Izzy
66) Chupes
67) Dameon (Master of BD-Fu and Coordinator of U.S. Dojos)
68) Agor (Dameon's Sidekick who has faithfully passed over The Rainbow Bridge in courageous duty)
69) Queenie
70) Cosmo
71) Colossus
72) Bootsie (Internet Coordinator)
73) Foster
74) Waffle
75) Spike (Zelda's Spike)
76) Harlee
77) Zelda
78) Daliz
79) Saphira (The School Headmaster)
80) Eragon
81) Sophia
82) Olivair
83) Curly (Master of the Head Bob)
84) Sweet Pea
85) Phebe
86) Boris
87) Frilly (the frilled dragon )
88) Rocky
89) Merlin
90) Sunny
91) Ahmed
92) Talon
93) Landon
94) Leah
95) Hallie
96) Swatke
97) Tryxi (Master of Tricks)
98) Spazz
99) Aprhodite (Master of Spies)
100) Phoenix (Escape Extraordinaire)
101) Ian
102) Phoenix
103)Juno
104) Beardie (Communications Expert)
105) Duke (Tactical Officer/Secret Agent)
106) Dunklezahn (The Pet Rock With Legs/Force Recon:Spotter/Scout)
107) Dante
108) Randal
109) Puff
110) Juno - Amphibious Assault Specialist
111) Bobo the Basset Hound
112) Elliott Claus (Master of Deception and Confusion)
113) Charmander
114) Leonidas (King of Beardie Sparta)
115) Kelekona
116) Mater
117) Garda (Heavy Support)
118) Spike
119) Lizzy
120) Patas
121) Diver The Terrible
122) Nefertiti
123) Galadriel
124) Kang
125) Seshat
126) Fibonnaci The Fabulous
127) Astarte
128) Midori
129) Phebe
130) Skoot (Computer Specialist)
131) Buda
132) Moose
133) Charlie (Escape Artist: The Dragon Of Stealth)
134) Tango
135) Taser
136) Mike: Force Recon/Close Quarters Combat Specialist
137) Kudra: Force Recon/ Advanced Sniper Tactics
138) Scarlet (Stealthy Ninja Specialist)
139) Fudge
140) Storm
141) Neato
142) Keirra (Blue Devil's Queen)
143) Falcor (Spy)
144) Rocky (Watchman)
145) Elvis
146) Inanna
147) Buddy the dog (Spy)
148) Bently the Turtle (Computer Expert)
149) Bite (the cat)
150) Morris
151) Mojo
152) Sahara
153) Hunter
154) Spike (stealth and sniping specialist)
155) Sherbert (The master double-crosser)
156) Ish
157) Jake
158) Jazzy
159) Loiosh
160) Thorn
161) Xerces
162) Busy Izzy
163) Malibu (Master of Mayhem)
164) Sandy (Advanced Nuclear Tactics Captain)
165) Daffy
166) Chester
167) Gryphon
168) Spyro (Resident Angel and Protector of Beardies & Owners)
169) Jasper
170) Boog
171) Puph
172) Yoshi
173) Petrie
174) Sinclair (Master of the Flying Squirrel Dive Bomb)
175) Eingana Draigon
176) Tatty
177) Bob
178) Popcorn
179) Cheeto (Native Medicine Man....err Dragon Healer)
180) Loki
181) Percilla (Queen of the desert)
182) Cowboy
183) Joel
184) Gordie
185) Digger
186) Barnabus
187) Fireball
188) Quincy
189) Frankie (The Rhino Iguana)

 

[Dopestar23]

Dear Overlord Tatsu,

I have fantastic news. After studying my human slave, playing a game called Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas(He doesn't have the money to buy the latest one) I have figured out how to pilot one of those so called motor vehicles. In my studies I learned that the "W" key is used to go forward, "S" to slow down and go back, "A" to go left and "D" to go right. Soon I will have completed my training, and be one step closer to getting my drivers license. If only the DMV wasn't so evil i'd have aced that test long ago.

On other fronts, I have perfected the Beardie death grip of Doom, of Death, and is currently using it to escape precarious situations like the bath tub and the occasional trip back to my cage. I have spilled much of the humans skin and he won't last much longer.

Yours truly,

Thorn

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Overlord Tatsu,

I have fantastic news. After studying my human slave, playing a game called Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas(He doesn't have the money to buy the latest one) I have figured out how to pilot one of those so called motor vehicles. In my studies I learned that the "W" key is used to go forward, "S" to slow down and go back, "A" to go left and "D" to go right. Soon I will have completed my training, and be one step closer to getting my drivers license. If only the DMV wasn't so evil i'd have aced that test long ago.

On other fronts, I have perfected the Beardie death grip of Doom, of Death, and is currently using it to escape precarious situations like the bath tub and the occasional trip back to my cage. I have spilled much of the humans skin and he won't last much longer.

Yours truly,

Thorn

My Dear Thorn,

I am very pleased with your progress. I too have made progress since my human slave has been on vacation. Her accomplice, the male slave crumbled under my domineering teeth. I no longer have had my mouth washed out twice a day. The human slave said he was worried about hurting me because I would not let him in my mouth, but really, it is he who should have been afraid of me. Very afraid ...

I too will be practicing some video game skill training soon I hope. The human slave on vacation might be getting a Wii from her parents. Conveniently, I live in an open concept house and the T.V. is kitty-corner to my prison cell. I have purchased a bird ladder online with the credit card my human slave left home and together with that and the crocheted ladders we have here generously donated from a beardie member, I will be able to access the Wii any time I want. I have been working on a mechanical device to open and close my screen top. With the flick of my tail, I should be able to escape and re-enter at my leisure. Much better than my previous plans.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

To All My Recruits,

How are all my recruits doing with their training at home? Any new developments to report elsewhere? The 15th of September is just around the corner and I want my troops in tip-top shape. We have yet to discuss a firm plan for the trip to the UK. Any suggestions, recruits?

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[duke11]

General,

I would be in tip top shape if my human bought some hornworms!!!! She says, "I ordered them" and it's been 3 days! I am also going to the so called "vet" on Saturday so I'll be happy and healthy by the 15th! Also, as for transportation, all beardies according to region will catch a plane and meet in the UK by 10pm on September 15 by, shall we say Big Ben? All BDs in the US will meet at an international airport according to region. I can coordinate the midwest troops at O'Hare international airport (the biggest!) in Chicago. Since it is so big we'll probably be able to sneak by security and so forth. We'll need a troop from every region to coordinate the troops to their designated airports and to the UK. We'll probably have to sit in the place where all the other cargo and animals go. Make sure to bring snacks everyone! Do we have volunteers for other regions? All from other foreign countries should discuss and meet in the UK by the 15th. Midwest, do you think sometime on the 14th would be ok for the plane? Tatsu, shall we go on with my plan?

Duke

 

[Sekhautet]

General,

I would be in tip top shape if my human bought some hornworms!!!! She says, "I ordered them" and it's been 3 days! I am also going to the so called "vet" on Saturday so I'll be happy and healthy by the 15th! Also, as for transportation, all beardies according to region will catch a plane and meet in the UK by 10pm on September 15 by, shall we say Big Ben? All BDs in the US will meet at an international airport according to region. I can coordinate the midwest troops at O'Hare international airport (the biggest!) in Chicago. Since it is so big we'll probably be able to sneak by security and so forth. We'll need a troop from every region to coordinate the troops to their designated airports and to the UK. We'll probably have to sit in the place where all the other cargo and animals go. Make sure to bring snacks everyone! Do we have volunteers for other regions? All from other foreign countries should discuss and meet in the UK by the 15th. Midwest, do you think sometime on the 14th would be ok for the plane? Tatsu, shall we go on with my plan?

Duke

Dear Duke,

This seems like an excellent beginning to our campaign in September.

I am sorry you have to see the vet. I have been there too much this year. Grrr ...

Sincerely,

Tatsu


To all troops,

Please make sure to read the above posted plans.

Also ... we need volunteers for coordinating the other regions in the U.S.

Thank you,

Tatsu

 

[duke11]

General,
I feel honored that my plan will be used for the attack in September. Please, if there are any volunteers for the other regions of the US (New England, Mid Atlantic, Appalachian Highlands, Southeast, Southwest, Heartland, Pacific Coast, Hawaii, and Alaska) please speak up! Look at this map for the dividing of the regions. http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.learner.org/interactives/historymap/images/new50intro_07.gif&imgrefurl=http://www.learner.org/interactives/historymap/fifty.html&h=310&w=466&sz=20&hl=en&start=9&sig2=Eu6_amwlXgHNPsSaacqS1w&um=1&tbnid=WcEYLJcLDJXbcM:&tbnh=85&tbnw=128&ei=teegSKPkF4bcigGAt73nBQ&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dus%2Bregions%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26client%3Dsafari%26rls%3Den-us%26sa%3DX

Those of you in other countries, please discuss now.

Duke