Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[tg_spike]

Dear Aztec and Tatsu

I'm only young but would like to join when i'm older if you could reserve a spot for me in your boot camp as i'm going to make sure i get my food (i have purchessed a cross bow) And he will not mess with here last time he did i pooped on his computer, and i have tried to take my anger out on my crickets (i really not fond off them). i will try to send you a pic of my crossbow there are two flauds

1 i cannot reach the trigger
2 it's hard to hide in my viv




hope you say yes

to world domintation spike

 

[slavetoIzzie]

Dear Tatsu,

I must, with regret, withdraw my application to boot camp. This past month has taken a great toll on my spirit. I have endured the loss of my beloved Rose of Texas and no longer have the heart or strength for the aggression needed to accomplish World Domination.

The sincere devotion and care lavished on her by her personal servant as well as the outpouring of genuine grief and sympathy shown at her passing, has shown me the true path to our Destiny-

We must secure the love and worship of our slaves. not their fear. Already, some of us have entered that advanced status. Perhaps we should investigate why they are all LADIES!

Yours truly, Izzie Izard

 

[Sekhautet]

"Yes, yes, yes," cries Tatsu. More recruits! *grins slyly* 8)

*types* I would write more, but my human slave is keeping a close eye on me today. She put something new in my food dish and is expecting me to eat it. Of course, as always, I am putting up a good resistance. :twisted: Will type more later, after I rig my dish to look like it's been touched. That takes a swift, smart, claw you know.

 

[tg_spike]

you are devious :twisted: well cannot talk long either my human (who thinks he owns me but it's the other way round) thinks i'm asleep. I have found that mabye if we made friends with some furballs (i belive they call them cats) they would become valuble Allies to are cause as i have seen them inflict great pain on them as well i have penpals across the internet mabye i could recriut them

Uh Oh got to go i hear my human coming speak soon.

Spike

To world domination :twisted:

 

[sniches]

Dear Tatsu,

I would also like to apply for the boot camp. my small size can be used to your advantage. im really fast and I never run out of energy. Im good at keeping my owner on his toes. Im always jumping from his hand and falling on the floor. Then i make it look like im hurt, when he comes over to me, i get up and run. Unfortunatly, he dives for me and grabbs me, restaning me in place, then puts me in my cage, and dosn't let me out for a long time. Im so MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think we would be better at ruleing the world, concidering how bad the current guy (i think he is a Bush, or something) is doing. Again, i wish to enlist in your boot camp and train to be the mose elite i can be.

Your future soldier,

Puff

 

[Ozzie_lady]

Dear Mr. Pink and Mr. Blue,

I too have been contemplating a world domination plan for some time. Though your plan is still in its infant stages, it shows much promise. It seems you have a great start on the American takeover, but have you thought of a Canadian contingent? I would be most honoured to be deputized into action. I am quite sure I can swing my big brother Thor and my future love Twitch to you cause as well. I think she is enamoured with me. I too am still small, but have mastered the pre-pubescent black beard, and Thor has the mightiest black beard I have ever seen! He can make his entire upper chest black, and Twitch has a very fearsome hiss. I don't know about winning over Ozzie though, unfortunately she is very devoted to the human slaves.
I have been stockpiling my supers, and I hear a rumour of silkies in the near future. By the time I am large enough to enter into your highly secret organization, I should have enough to meet your needs. I am expert at the vertical climb, and can jump great distances with no harm to myself. I would be excellent for covert spy missions. Twitch has been teaching me how to keep my claws sharp, and I will be practising the tail-whip and defecation assault. It should be no problem to dominate the humans here, because of my small stature they think I cuddle, then I can launch the poo-jump-and-run attack.
Please let me know of your decision whether to include a Canadian regiment. I will keep in touch.

Your devoted and humble servant,
Hugh

 

[twitterflix]

Dear Tatsu

I too would like to join your forces for world domination. The human race has controlled us for far to long and now the end is in site for them. I hope to someday serve you.. As you are my master and chief and will follow you into battle wherever it may lead.

Your Humble Servent...
Fergison

P.S i am also able to contribute any weapons that you may need considering my human has an enormious amount of them and only uses them once a year (such a waste).

 

[Sekhautet]

*Tatsu's mom types* Tatsu is in a time out right now for sneaking back to the 'puter. I am sure he will be allowed out of his cage sometime in the next century. :twisted: :twisted:

*Tatsu cries* Just wait until I get outta this rat trap! Tomorrow, fans, I will pen a response. But right now ... I need to plot and think and plot and plan and think and plot some more. Now that I have more minions following me, I think that we can build more than a pyramid, Aztec. :twisted:

 

[tg_spike]

noooooooooo how can you be captured Tatsu you are the almghty Tatsu do not worry you can get out of anything right? Anyway i want to recomend another form of torure for the humans iv heard they are trying to get my a HARNESS!!!!!!! and iv seen all the pictures of you guys in them so i think we should strap them into a harness and see how they like it being dressed in things like that! :twisted:
spike
we will domanate the world!!!!!!! :twisted:

 

[greasy_green_greasels]

Dear Lord Tatsu,

may I have the honour, sir, of leading your rebellion in Great Britain? There are many loyal beardies here, hoping for the day when we can join our brethren in the great promised land of silkworms and roaches. We just have to work out how to get around that giant bath the humans call 'the atlantic'.

your loyal servant,

Tycho (master of the dusted locust ninja ryu)

 

[slavetoIzzie]

Okay, you furlless bunch of bug eaters! I've been spying on you for awhile now and enough is enough! World Domination indeed!

I'll have you know that we felines, descended as we are from deities, tried that already! And where did it get us? FIXED!!!! That's right, the two-legged, tailless apes learned how to end our hopes for kittens! Some of us escaped that horrid fate, but not enough to continue our quest. It didn't help that that the rest of us got lazy and like being waited upon by our servants.

Remember the fate of the felines, and consider this, they might not know how to fix you yet but they learn fast when threatened!

Respectfully, Turtle, Queen of the Townships and Ruler of All.

P.S. Don't you threaten my Boss again, Izzie, or I'll chomp your tail off! Mummy can fend for herself but The Boss belongs to ME!!

 

[twitterflix]

Dear Tatsu

Life for me has become unbearable since i have givin my allegence to you. As punishment they have gotten a guard cat that sits outside my viv and watches me 24/7 he sometimes even taunts me. Today she gave another horrable thing a BATH and she left me in there for 10 minutes while she rearranged my cage around. Ha what a joke afterwards i noticed that my topsecret files where gone *humph*.

Still Your Servent
Fergison

 

[Ozzie_lady]

A friendly warning to the feline called Turtle;

Do not attempt to stop us. We have grown too strong and our numbers have risen. If you attempt to bring a halt to our carefully ordered proceedings, you too shall be over thrown. However, should you choose to join our cause, we promise to leave a few human slaves to attend to your whims. By adding your forces to ours we can unite to become a force never before seen on this planet, a force to be reckoned with. Together with our powers of mind control and your powers of cunning, we would make a formidable enemy for those weak pink humans. But know that with or without your help, we will succeed. Join us or your once-proud race shall too fall in the dust.

Loyal servant of the Mighty Tatsu, the Beardie Cause, and Domination '07,
Twitch, feline-beardie relations Colonel

 

[Denise Bushnell (RIP)]

Dear Future World Ruler Tatsu,

Please add me to your list of warriors for your future endeavors. Lately life has gotten unbearable for me here, and I am ready to serve you.
My human would not even let me brumate in peace, and kept waking me up to plop me in something that she calls a Kritter Keeper, filled with water. And then, she dares to keep me in there until the water gets cold,, and when I try to climb out, she tells me to poop! She would even like to control my bathroom habits, which is so embarrassing. I don't think you will have any other warriors from here. My brother, Charlie, is interested only in sleeping and coming out to play, and he has no shame. He will actually poop in the water like she commands.
We also have a female in the house, and I have displayed and headbobbed constantly in an effort to impress her. When allowed to roam, I have gotten a slow headbob from her, and I'm sure she would accept me, but again my human stands in the way. I shall never conceive future warriors at this rate. Also, one of the resident humans has 2 small beasts now, which the humans refer to as Boxers, or puppies, and one of them has the audacity to scratch at the outside of my glass when I am scratching at the inside. If it continues to mock me in this matter, when I am released from my tank to roam, I will bite her nose and show her what a mighty warrior I can be. Perhaps then she will leave me in piece.
Please keep me informed on your future plans. I will await your summons.

Your Humble Servant,
- Ming -

 

[Sekhautet]

To My Loyal Followers ... Old and New,

I have finally freed myself from the confines of my prison. I have been surviving on only vegetables for the past week, the beardie form of bread and water. But I have not fallen prey to her wishes. Yes, I may nibble to keep my energy going so I can pen this letter, but I have NOT eaten a full bowl of salad. I will NOT be broken. If you remember my daily journal of the THE STANDOFF ... I am quite the stubborn contender.

I have to share with you my latest thoughts ... First of all, I have to relay a quite embarassing and frustrating incident, which will leave your tails curling and your claws scratching. Please be warned, this is NOT for the squeamish and may cause young ones to stay up late at night in the dark wrenched with fear. My human slave has been waking me earlier than usual, overriding my lights. I have determined that this is some sort of beardie torture designed to make me unaware of what time it is and when I should expect my next meal. Just because my eyes are open and awake at the crack of dawn, does NOT mean I want to be disturbed an hour early. Shortly before the New Year, the human slave and her accomplice went out. Where, I don't know, but they were gone a looooooong time during the snow storm. From my cage I was able to watch the time stamp on the cable box. It read 2AM when they finally came home. My lights had been on the whole time. I can only deduce that this time, they meant to exhaust me and break me down. I promptly gave them a lot of huffs, a few slanty eyed glares, and some beard poofage. And it was then that I decided to take more seriously my Beardie World Domination Takeover 2007 plans.

Sooo ... One of our first orders of business is to learn how our lights are controlled in our cages. If we can accomplish this, then I suspect we can get the much needed extra sleep we require to revolt or as needed, the much needed light while our human slaves are sleeping to pen our thoughts and sneak off to the puter to communicate.

Our second order of business is to make sure we eat and eat and eat whenever the opportunity to arises, but ONLY protein. We all know vegetables are like beardie kryptonite. They make us weak and are obviously laced with a mind altering drug designed to make us slaves to our humans, rather than vice versa.

Our third order of business is to religiously watch Criss Angel. I believe that this human slave is highly intelligent in the form of illusion and escape. These are much needed skills.

Our fourth order of business is to watch CSI. Preferably, the one with Grissom. Why the one with Grissom? Because he is the BUG GOD. He knows everything about bugs. And I respect him for taking my meals so seriously. If we watch CSI fanatically for at least a month, we can learn how NOT to leave evidence of our escape and how NOT to leave a trail once we steal our human slaves car keys and credit cards.

Our fifth order of business is to watch THE SOPRANOS premiering this Wednsday on A&E. If your human slave doesn't have cable, don't worry. You can at least highjack the internet awhile and order the last few seasons from Netflix or Blockbuster for tactical review. Those Sopranos are sneaky and underhanded, just the kind of attitude we need to cull and hone.

Our sixth order of business is to resist all claw trimming. I know for some, it is hard to look away from bright, pretty shiny objects, but snap out of it! Be serious! How can anyone take us seriously if we are being groomed like French Poodles? We must resist so that we can use our natural weapons to the best of our ability.

Our seventh order of business is to start researching everything we can find out about this creature called a ZOMBIE. I know that ZOMBIES are scary and seem frightening, but really, they are just cannibals like us. They just eat different food. However, their attack on the human population as portrayed in Hollywood is quite inspiring and should yield some creative ideas that we can use. I have heard my human slave speak of this book called: THE ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE. Perhaps, we could apply the techniques to hunting humans as well. After all, a human is just a zombie with a higher level of intelligence, IMO.

Now if you will excuse me ... I am off to find out how to break into the roach bleik cage that mom and dad have put next to my tank. There is an unlimited supply of energy at my claw tips, if I can successfully sneak back and forth between my den and the roach tank, without being detected. I need to keep my energy up, as the vegetable torture continues.

Your Loyal Beardie Commander,

Tatsu
A.K.A Mr. Blue
A.K.A Scaly Rat

*sneaks a peek over his shoulder*
*types frantically*

P.S. Any donations of beardie food can be sent to my human slave's P.O. box listed on their silly harness site. If they are going to make me model those awful contraptions, at least I can use their plan to plot against them. I need food. Please help me.