Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[Sekhautet]

My apologies, Midori. I have added you to our list.

Dear Recruits,

I have unleashed a secret attack on my human slaves. I called it Operation Tornado. This last Wednesday, I used my super secret science gear from Acme to create an actual tornado complete with raging lightning storms. The lightning struck the tree outside my human slave's townhouse and crashed into their vehicle, causing some major damage. That should keep them stranded at home for awhile and catering to my every whim. And should also ensure there are no trips to the evil vet's any time soon.

Mwaaahahahahaha!

Stay strong,

Tatsu


Tatsu's Recruits

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor/Foreign BD-Fu Dojo Coordinator)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry, who passed over The Rainbow Bridge in loyal service)
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily (Official Musk Mare Wrangler)
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Bella
63) Sparky
64) Dirk
65) Izzy
66) Chupes
67) Dameon (Master of BD-Fu and Coordinator of U.S. Dojos)
68) Agor (Dameon's Sidekick)
69) Queenie
70) Cosmo
71) Colossus
72) Bootsie (Internet Coordinator)
73) Foster
74) Waffle
75) Spike (Zelda's Spike)
76) Harlee
77) Zelda
78) Daliz
79) Saphira (The School Headmaster)
80) Eragon
81) Sophia
82) Olivair
83) Curly (Master of the Head Bob)
84) Sweet Pea
85) Phebe
86) Boris
87) Frilly (the frilled dragon )
88) Rocky
89) Merlin
90) Sunny
91) Ahmed
92) Talon
93) Landon
94) Leah
95) Hallie
96) Swatke
97) Tryxi (Master of Tricks)
98) Spazz
99) Aprhodite (Master of Spies)
100) Phoenix (Escape Extraordinaire)
101) Ian
102) Phoenix
103)Juno
104) Beardie (Communications Expert)
105) Duke (Tactical Officer/Secret Agent)
106) Dunklezahn (The Pet Rock With Legs)
107) Dante
108) Randal
109) Puff
110) Juno - Amphibious Assault Specialist
111) Bobo the Basset Hound
112) Elliott Claus (Master of Deception and Confusion)
113) Charmander
114) Leonidas (King of Beardie Sparta)
115) Kelekona
116) Mater
117) Garda
118) Spike
119) Lizzy
120) Patas
121) Diver The Terrible
122) Nefertiti
123) Galadriel
124) Kang
125) Seshat
126) Fibonnaci The Fabulous
127) Astarte
128) Midori

 

[duke11]

Ha! I saw that tornado on the news and I was like YEAH! I knew a beardie was behind it! That's like the best attack ever! Great job Tatsu!

Duke 105

 

[duke11]

Hello, just wanted to check in. Tatsu, is our next attack going to be on Mother's Day? If so, I have the PERFECT battle plan. We shall hide behind a large bush and unleash a series of giant crickets followed by an angry mob of black bearding, hissing, and biting beardies! Which is us! I'm drawing out the plan now. How d`you like it?

 

[Sekhautet]

Yes, it is on Mother's Day.

I was thinking more along the lines of a staged rescue from your local pet chain stores for more recruits.

Horrors. My human slaves brought home another lizard yesterday. Apparently, they think the three of us here are not enough.

He is a Cuban Knight Anole named Fizzlebub. We haven't had a chance to talk, yet, but I hear he has sharp teeth and I think he will be a good addition to our cause.

 

[duke11]

Yes I'm sure the anole Fizzlebub will make a great addition to the army. I would've had a great recruit for the army if only I could of stole that beardie at my friends house!

 

[WyoJames]

Tatsu,
I would like to extend my application to become a member of your army. I may be young but I have already mastered all computing techniques. When my master is away I hack into his computer and use the computer to develop plans for world domination. I believe I would be a great Computer Specialist in your army. Below is a picture for evidence of my computer knowledge!
I await your reply on my hopeful acceptance into the army!

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear New Recruit:

Of course I will add you to the list, as soon as you provide me with your name. And if you have a title you would like, please feel free to let me know as well.

Thank you for applying,

Tatsu

 

[beagle lover]

Puff recruit #109 reporting in. I have mastered my death glare towards the humans to get what I want. I just thought I'd share.

 

[WyoJames]

My apologies, in my excitement I forgot to give you my name. My name is Skoot and I would like to be a/the Computer Specialist

 

[duke11]

Officer Duke 105 reporting here sir. Skoot, you seem like a great recruit, and an even better computer master! Secret agents needed, we are running short so if anyone would like to become a spy, let me, Duke, know for I can fill you in on all the details. Tatsu, this is a great and mighty army you have put together! Great job sir. General, I'd like you to know that the humans have become suspicious on us. They've even cut down on my food supply...hmm.

Officer Duke 105

 

[WyoJames]

If possible I would be willing to be a secret agent as well. I've slowly been taking parts from my human's computer to build my own in my secret cave. At this time he is not even suspicious!

 

[Draba]

Tatsu,

I am new to my home and have discovered that my new human thinks I am "cute" and "fuzzy." Those are no words to describe me. I am, in my manliness, 16 inches of scales and spikes!!!! How dare I be called fuzzy!!!

Not only this, but I was feeling lazy , so I don't feel much like eating or pooping, but my human freaked out and abandoned me at the same old pet store for a week after I refused to eat crickets for 12 days (don't they know I only eat worms?). When my human finally appeared and picked me up, I was in a good mood so I decided to eat. However I was still too tired to poo, so my human took me to a VET (!!!!) who poked and prodded at me before announcing I had an impaction. The humans then started to force medicine into my mouth through cruel methods. I was eventually taken back to the pet store where it was determined that I did not have an impaction at all (if only they had asked me). I am now back home and would like to join your ranks, although I have not mastered the trick of glaring or beard puffing.

Sincerely,

Moose

 

[melissajo29]

Tatsu sir, Phebe reporting for duty!
I would make a perfect secret agent for the cause as I have mastered the art statueing. In case you weren't aware, statueing is when you stay real still and don't move, so the humans think you're fake!(or dead, either way, it works ) It's the perfect spy method. So if you like, I'll take a rank of secret agent. I also believe that Frilly would make a good secret agent as he/she (we're still not sure :wink: ) is very good at what we call "blending".
Over and Out,
Phebe

 

[duke11]

Ok, guys. You have to ask Tatsu if you wanna be an agent. So far, I'm the only one and I'm lonely... . When Tatsu gets back, ask if he'll add secret agent or something to your title. Thanks! Btw, if you don't know what a secret agent does, I'll tell you. SA (SA=secret agent(s)) spy on our human enemies by using many methods including statuing. We find out our plans! If you have any questions, ask me.

 

[slavetoIzzie]

Dear Tatsu,
It has been awhile since I have reported in, so I that it would be a good idea to do so. Life has been very exciting here lately. I was deprived of my supers by the evil feline, Turtle. She "accidentally" knocked over my worm container and most of the worms are now hiding in the floor vent by my house. The slave finally got a new shipment but it took almost a week! She shall feel my wrath, oh yes, for the day of reckoning is almost upon us!

I am currently undermining the morale of the slaves, preparing them for the "coup de grace". The Glare of Death, Hiss of Terror and the Claws of Destruction are all being used on the scaleless beings who surround me. Even the male slave is beginning to falter and beg for mercy!

Sacrement!( pardon my language) that felonious feline is spying again, I'll report again later. Your loyal soldier, Izzie.