Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[BennyBoy]

i still think this whole thing is kinda werid... :?

 

[duke11]

It's fun! C'mon, tell Tatsu your name and enlist in the army! This forum is strictly NO HUMANS ALLOWED. All the BDs come here in their free time to discuss ways to torment our humans. Please enlist, we need as many recruits as possible!

 

[epiphone]

dear tatsu,
i my name is buda.
i hate my cell or vivi as sum of you call it..
my human is a mean one...
he love to give me baths, dosent let me sleep in tho he dose an he give me more greens then meat....
last night i broke outta my cell an bit the metal that was in his mouth.....
he wasnt freak out he try to eat me...!!!
he play loud music 4rm this thing call a guitar.......
an the cat is my cell guard she is just wait for me to leave during the day so she can eat me......
im telling you i had it ......
im still young many may call me a baby but i am 1 that will fight all that will mess with me......

till next time we talk
buda

ps i think my human is try to tame me with this funky smoke that comes outta him mouth he also call it buda.....

 

[slavetoIzzie]

Tatsu! The slave has discovered my secret stash of butter worms! I have been hoarding them for over 2 months, observing their life cycle and nutritional values at various stages. How dare she?! At least I was able to gobble down most of them before she got rid of them.

I was able to also observe an interesting phenomena, apparently humans are repulsed and frightened by the latest stage of my experiment. The slave was horrified(serves her right!) and kept nattering on about there being "aliens" in my house. I'm not sure what those are but her reaction was almost worth losing my stash. Oh well, I'll just have to start over from scratch. I'll be releasing my results as soon as I have a chance to organize my notes.

Your loyal soldier, Izzie (playstation expert)

 

[FireWolf181]

My human dislikes me on the internet as he knows i shall seek mischief, so i will be fast and precise about my offer.
I am good with a tail and have great traiing in claw to claw combat and know how to keep the guys away from me (im female).
My human tried to introduce me to Beardie Pellets and i showed him what i thought of that (I emptied my bowels in the middle of the bowl). I wish to join your plot for world domination iwill be a valuable aspect as i am very tactical and have escaped so many times that my human has wasted more than 24 hours of his life searching for me. Not only am i tactical but i have spent many, many ,many hours in training for combat situations and my nails are so sharp that when i made another escape last week i accidently ripped a small tear in the couch . I hear my human coming so i must go now but please think about letting me join.

Yours Faithfully

Charlie

 

[Sekhautet]

Puff recruit #109 reporting in. I have mastered my death glare towards the humans to get what I want. I just thought I'd share.

Very good, Puff. Very intimidating.

Keep up the good work.

I'm sorry I've been off the boards, but I've had some things to deal with at home.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[Sekhautet]

Tatsu! The slave has discovered my secret stash of butter worms! I have been hoarding them for over 2 months, observing their life cycle and nutritional values at various stages. How dare she?! At least I was able to gobble down most of them before she got rid of them.

I was able to also observe an interesting phenomena, apparently humans are repulsed and frightened by the latest stage of my experiment. The slave was horrified(serves her right!) and kept nattering on about there being "aliens" in my house. I'm not sure what those are but her reaction was almost worth losing my stash. Oh well, I'll just have to start over from scratch. I'll be releasing my results as soon as I have a chance to organize my notes.

Your loyal soldier, Izzie (playstation expert)

Slaves do horrible things like this sometimes, Izzie. But never fear, I am sure someone reading this has a stash of butterworms to send to keep your spirits up. I would do it myself, but I do not eat them.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[Sekhautet]

My human dislikes me on the internet as he knows i shall seek mischief, so i will be fast and precise about my offer.
I am good with a tail and have great traiing in claw to claw combat and know how to keep the guys away from me (im female).
My human tried to introduce me to Beardie Pellets and i showed him what i thought of that (I emptied my bowels in the middle of the bowl). I wish to join your plot for world domination iwill be a valuable aspect as i am very tactical and have escaped so many times that my human has wasted more than 24 hours of his life searching for me. Not only am i tactical but i have spent many, many ,many hours in training for combat situations and my nails are so sharp that when i made another escape last week i accidently ripped a small tear in the couch . I hear my human coming so i must go now but please think about letting me join.

Yours Faithfully

Charlie

Dear Charlie,

An escape artist is very valuable to the cause. Of course, I will add your name to the list.

Thank you for applying. I may have been a little slow in replying to posts lately, but I have been working with Fizzlebub on defeating the evil cat "Houdini" in my house.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[Sekhautet]

dear tatsu,
i my name is buda.
i hate my cell or vivi as sum of you call it..
my human is a mean one...
he love to give me baths, dosent let me sleep in tho he dose an he give me more greens then meat....
last night i broke outta my cell an bit the metal that was in his mouth.....
he wasnt freak out he try to eat me...!!!
he play loud music 4rm this thing call a guitar.......
an the cat is my cell guard she is just wait for me to leave during the day so she can eat me......
im telling you i had it ......
im still young many may call me a baby but i am 1 that will fight all that will mess with me......

till next time we talk
buda

ps i think my human is try to tame me with this funky smoke that comes outta him mouth he also call it buda.....

Dear Buda,

I too live with CATS. One is a good ally, the other is an enemy. Hang in there.

I will add your name to the list.

Sorry for not replying sooner. I have been consulting with Fizzlebub on a few things.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[Sekhautet]

Tatsu sir, Phebe reporting for duty!
I would make a perfect secret agent for the cause as I have mastered the art statueing. In case you weren't aware, statueing is when you stay real still and don't move, so the humans think you're fake!(or dead, either way, it works ) It's the perfect spy method. So if you like, I'll take a rank of secret agent. I also believe that Frilly would make a good secret agent as he/she (we're still not sure :wink: ) is very good at what we call "blending".
Over and Out,
Phebe

I am adding your name to the list. Statuing ... A very good skill. Keep up the good work.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[Sekhautet]

Tatsu,

I am new to my home and have discovered that my new human thinks I am "cute" and "fuzzy." Those are no words to describe me. I am, in my manliness, 16 inches of scales and spikes!!!! How dare I be called fuzzy!!!

Not only this, but I was feeling lazy , so I don't feel much like eating or pooping, but my human freaked out and abandoned me at the same old pet store for a week after I refused to eat crickets for 12 days (don't they know I only eat worms?). When my human finally appeared and picked me up, I was in a good mood so I decided to eat. However I was still too tired to poo, so my human took me to a VET (!!!!) who poked and prodded at me before announcing I had an impaction. The humans then started to force medicine into my mouth through cruel methods. I was eventually taken back to the pet store where it was determined that I did not have an impaction at all (if only they had asked me). I am now back home and would like to join your ranks, although I have not mastered the trick of glaring or beard puffing.

Sincerely,

Moose

Dear Moose,

I too have been subjected to horrible vet visits. The indignity of it all.

I will add your name to our list.

Have you tried biting? It works quite well.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Recruits,

I have had quite a few new recruits to add to our list. If you do not see your name on the list, please post so I can add it. I think I have gotten everyone. It appears that I had a lot of mail while I was working with Fizzlebub on spy tactics this week.

Thank you to everyone.

Sincerely,

Tatsu


Tatsu's Recruits

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor/Foreign BD-Fu Dojo Coordinator)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry, who passed over The Rainbow Bridge in loyal service)
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily (Official Musk Mare Wrangler)
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Bella
63) Sparky
64) Dirk
65) Izzy
66) Chupes
67) Dameon (Master of BD-Fu and Coordinator of U.S. Dojos)
68) Agor (Dameon's Sidekick)
69) Queenie
70) Cosmo
71) Colossus
72) Bootsie (Internet Coordinator)
73) Foster
74) Waffle
75) Spike (Zelda's Spike)
76) Harlee
77) Zelda
78) Daliz
79) Saphira (The School Headmaster)
80) Eragon
81) Sophia
82) Olivair
83) Curly (Master of the Head Bob)
84) Sweet Pea
85) Phebe
86) Boris
87) Frilly (the frilled dragon )
88) Rocky
89) Merlin
90) Sunny
91) Ahmed
92) Talon
93) Landon
94) Leah
95) Hallie
96) Swatke
97) Tryxi (Master of Tricks)
98) Spazz
99) Aprhodite (Master of Spies)
100) Phoenix (Escape Extraordinaire)
101) Ian
102) Phoenix
103)Juno
104) Beardie (Communications Expert)
105) Duke (Tactical Officer/Secret Agent)
106) Dunklezahn (The Pet Rock With Legs)
107) Dante
108) Randal
109) Puff
110) Juno - Amphibious Assault Specialist
111) Bobo the Basset Hound
112) Elliott Claus (Master of Deception and Confusion)
113) Charmander
114) Leonidas (King of Beardie Sparta)
115) Kelekona
116) Mater
117) Garda
118) Spike
119) Lizzy
120) Patas
121) Diver The Terrible
122) Nefertiti
123) Galadriel
124) Kang
125) Seshat
126) Fibonnaci The Fabulous
127) Astarte
128) Midori
129) Phebe
130) Skoot (Computer Specialist)
131) Buda
132) Moose
133) Charlie

 

[BennyBoy]

Dear Tatsu,
I am Rocky, as my beardie owner likes to call me, and i would like to join your army. can i join?

 

[FireWolf181]

Charlie, Cadet #133 here to report, sir

I made another escape last niht and have discovered something very helpful.
I was jut climbing into my tank to collect a couple of mealies out of my mealworm farm when i saw him.
Johnny a wonderfully handsome Eastern Water Dragon with a bright red-orange chest.
He seemed overwhelmed that teir was in fact an undercover resistance group of dragons still working to bring the world once more back to the command of reptiles.
He was overjoyed at the fact and he would like to know if he can join your army.

I showed him an easy way to get out of the tank that my human keeps him in and we have sparked a good friendship.
He is extremely smart and we have collected bits and pieces from around the house and we are working on creating a machine that will giive us the ability to breathe fire like our dragon ancestors.
The attempt is currently unsuccessful.

I have also been working on a machine that fires water with incredible force.
Johnny and i completed it this morning and we tested it on the feline in the house known as Gretchen.
We both held the gun in our claws and fired, the feline yowled in terror and sped off as fast as his legs could carry him it was a great sight to see and we will have began major manufactre by next month so every beardie can be safe from a feline pest.

Report Complete

Cadet #133 out

 

[melissajo29]

Tatsu sir,
Phebe here. I thank you for adding me, sir, but I am already on your list of recruits i was requesting a designation, sir, of secret agent
sorry for the confusion
Phebe (recruit #85)