Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[duke11]

Ok, let's start over, Rocky (is your name Rocky?). This forum is for members of Tatsu's army to plot for world domination. No humans allowed! We all have our slaves (or humans) for torture. There are many recruits and we all have different jobs. We plan and plot attacks so beardies will rule! If you are interested in joining, post here saying to Tatsu, "i want to join" and he will gladly post your name on the roster. Your recruit ID number is the number recruit you are (EX: Duke 105). And for our other recruits, does anyone know when we will plot our next attack?

Officer Duke 105

 

[BennyBoy]

lol, you guys are silly....

 

[StyxDragon4]

fine by us, you'll just be caught in all of the madness

 

[duke11]

What do you mean, "lol you guys are silly"? Don't you get sick of having humans boss us around all the time? You know what, fine by us. But if we take over the world and become dominent don't come crying to us!

 

[jeitzen]

Dear Tatsu,

I am Patas and I would most definitely love to join your army. I have two human slaves that I share with my brethren.

As of late the humans have been dropping me into Spikes (My room mate) house or him into mine. They seem intent on watching us procreate. I don't know about you but greasy humans staring at me is not exactly an aphrodisiac. I also fear what they hope to do with my children once they hatch!

I have my humans well trained (other then the voyeurism) and believe that I can be an asset to your cause.

I have discussed this in detail with the others here, Spike and Lizzy (they have recognized me as their boss), and we have decided that we are all on board.


Awaiting your response,

Patas

 

[duke11]

Hey all, Officer Duke 105 here. General Tatsu sir, when is our next attack? And recruits, my human today got a package in the mail. She seemed so excited saying, "Duke, you're gonna love this." I was like what is it? And yes, indeed, it was 50 hornworms! Huzzah! I haven't had hornies for ages!!!! Greatness, fellow soldiers! Oh, and I just got a total room makeover! Yes, now my condo is officially an awesome training center. I have a large hunk of wood, and a lizard ladder and hammock! Hooray! Maybe I can beef it up before our next attack! :mrgreen:

Officer Duke 105

 

[landcatrut]

I want horn worms. I tried looking cute the other day, and even pooped on my slaves computer to get her attention. Why won't she listen!! She must know i plan on world domination as soon as I can be united with the Tatsu army! Maybe she knows...shhh... O man! she bought me a leash. Now what!? I wait further instruction (PS don't trust the cat. She is a trator and will divulge our plans!!!)

 

[Ian13]

These hornworms you speak of sound delicious. I pooped on my slave so she would get me some, but no. All I got was put in my cage. Any more ideas about what to do?

 

[Gardori817]

Dear Tatsu,

I have only yet begun to read your messages, but I have come to see the truth in your words. My servant has realized that I am in command, he only feeds me crickets and a wide assortement of greens, although i show my discontent by releaving myself in the food dish I must eat to keep my strength up. When my two-legged comes and tries to take from my domain I black-beard and hiss with great ferocity but he only says to me "What's wrong with you, girl". For these reasons and the explicet torture, too cruel to explain, which I indure I wish to enrole in your forces. I am young but the blood of giants runs in my veins. I have inflicted many wounds upon my slave for taking me out. I am skilled with my claws, my tail, and my teeth.

Garda
P.S. - My servant is very oblivious to everything and gives me what I want when I want it, for I have complete control over him. I hope that my skills may be valuable assets to your conquest!

 

[Gardori817]

Great Tatsu,

I am forgetting to mentioon while I am only 7 months old I am 18 inches in length and am to grow to 26 inches. My size dominates over the other beardie in mine domain and she obeys everything I say. If you wish accept our survices. My slave follishly teaches me evrything he knows of the machine called a "computer", he is a master of the so called internet and knows just about everything. My older yet smaller companion Midori, is ill at the moment and he is doing all he can to make her better. I fear for the worst for her, if you accept us you will have gained two more females to thy service master, and my computer expertise.

Garda

P.S. - Midori pays her greatest respects.

 

[lizardgrrl]

Great Leader Tatsu,

I, Fibonacci the Fabulous, am reporting for duty. I am 20.25 inches in length, 3 1/2 years old, and extremely fit, working out daily, able to jump distances up to five feet and capable of running for two hours at a time. I am also a mathematician and strategist, and believe we have all we need now to dominate the world! I bring with me Astarte, also 3 1/2 years old, 18 1/2 inches long and a powerful goddess and temptress, several younger dragons, Kang, 17 months old and 19 inches long, a fierce warrior of the Cling-ons, subtle and powerful in his destructive capabilities, and a master in the spreading of fecal material, Seshat, 18 months old, 18 inches long, and at last weigh-in, approaches 500 grams. She is the goddess of writing and measurement and the patron of mathematics, energetic and powerful in her movements, a rival to my own physical capabilities.

The slave, well trained and obedient, (or else!) is also nursing Nefertiti, 19 months old,17 1/2 inches and 320 grams, and Galadriel, badly neglected by their previous slaves. Nefertiti was forced at too young an age to bear eggs because of the ignorance of the old slave, but she is recovering well. Her weight will probably never go beyond 350 gms., and will always be small, but her intelligence is great, and her spirit is amazing. She is an inspiration toall who know her. Galadriel is recovering from severe MBD and neglect, 19 1/2 inches long, but suffering from severe malnourishment. The slave has manage to get 40 grams on her, but believes she should add another 150 grams to her current weight. It is a slow process, and seeing a dragon as badly neglected as she was makes my blood boil! The slave is working hard to prepare her special treats, and trying to entice her appetite. When these two are recovered, they will passionately join the fight!

Finally, the slave is raising four younger dragons. Diver the Terrible will be ready soon. He is 11 months old now, and 300 grams. He is only 11 inches long but that is because of something previous slaves did, accidently they claimed. He would be 17-18 inches long now if not for the "accident." They were not specific in telling are current slave about it, and Diver will not talk about it, but his anger is fierce, and his determination on his revenge is great. His jumping skills and daring are tremendous, and, while something of a hothead, his courage cannot be doubted. I have not had much chance to talk with the youngest three, all about four to five months old, Galileo, Gaia, and Hatshepsut, who the slave calls Hob, but see much potential in them. Galileo reminds me of myself as a young dragon, and I can see the waking of a great intellect in him. I know Hatshepsut has already overcome adversity in her short life, but understand she is growing very well, with a sharp mind and the will to be a great queen. Gaia is quiet, but you know they say still waters run deep, and as a young goddess, I believe this is true of her.

We all come to you, head and heart and soul, to support your cause as our cause!

With all respect,
Fibonacci

 

[duke11]

Ian and landcatrut, all you have to do is magically put the computer on greatlakeshornworm.com. They are my staple and once your human sees the healthiness he/she will get them for you! HORNWORMS ARE YUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Recruits,

In my absence, it appears a number of new recruits applied. I have added all the names to the roster. Please post if you do not see yours listed.

Duke, I also have changed your title.

As for our next attack, I am still thinking it should be Mother's Day in May. Right now I am battling the human slave who is dispensing a so-called "medication" for my health. But I think she is trying to poison me. ICK! I will be in touch when I am not under the weather any more.

Sincerely,

Tatsu



Tatsu's Recruits

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor/Foreign BD-Fu Dojo Coordinator)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry, who passed over The Rainbow Bridge in loyal service)
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily (Official Musk Mare Wrangler)
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Bella
63) Sparky
64) Dirk
65) Izzy
66) Chupes
67) Dameon (Master of BD-Fu and Coordinator of U.S. Dojos)
68) Agor (Dameon's Sidekick)
69) Queenie
70) Cosmo
71) Colossus
72) Bootsie (Internet Coordinator)
73) Foster
74) Waffle
75) Spike (Zelda's Spike)
76) Harlee
77) Zelda
78) Daliz
79) Saphira (The School Headmaster)
80) Eragon
81) Sophia
82) Olivair
83) Curly (Master of the Head Bob)
84) Sweet Pea
85) Phebe
86) Boris
87) Frilly (the frilled dragon )
88) Rocky
89) Merlin
90) Sunny
91) Ahmed
92) Talon
93) Landon
94) Leah
95) Hallie
96) Swatke
97) Tryxi (Master of Tricks)
98) Spazz
99) Aprhodite (Master of Spies)
100) Phoenix (Escape Extraordinaire)
101) Ian
102) Phoenix
103)Juno
104) Beardie (Communications Expert)
105) Duke (Tactical Officer/Secret Agent)
106) Dunklezahn (The Pet Rock With Legs)
107) Dante
108) Randal
109) Puff
110) Juno - Amphibious Assault Specialist
111) Bobo the Basset Hound
112) Elliott Claus (Master of Deception and Confusion)
113) Charmander
114) Leonidas (King of Beardie Sparta)
115) Kelekona
116) Mater
117) Garda
118) Spike
119) Lizzy
120) Patas
121) Diver The Terrible
122) Nefertiti
123) Galadriel
124) Kang
125) Seshat
126) Fibonnaci The Fabulous
127) Astarte

 

[duke11]

Well now! I see we have many new recruits now! Whoohoo! Thanks for the title, Tatsu. This army is so AWESOME!

 

[Gardori817]

Dear Tatsu,

I have noticed that you have forgotten to add mine comrade Midori. She is now healthy and is already fighting the two legged ones. I have also noticed a surplus of technological expertise, but a lack of computer experts. I would like to inform you that I am quite skilled in this area of work.
Garda 117