Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[Goonie]

. . . hideing under the bed and stay there until my human stops looking for me then i will slide out and under the heating vent where i can live until you call.

Fergison,

Make sure you snatch their cell phone so you can keep in communication with Tatsu and all the others. You don't want to be forgotten down there and starve.

Oscar

 

[Sekhautet]

I am pleased to report that yesterday, my step brother Michael actually managed to break the glass on his "beardie condo" as they call it. I didn't know he had that type of lowhanded sneakiness in him. I have to find out how he did it. Unfortunately, I heard mom and dad talking about a glass repair company. And then the door was removed and walked out to the great outdoors. I think this means they are fast repairing it. And Mike, that lazy dragon, all he's doing is sitting in his cage watching T.V. with mom while he lets the brilliant opportunity to pry off the plywood prison holding him back and make leap for freedom. Some dragons.

As a side note ... Mom borrowed grandma's credit card today and she left the paper out by the computer with the number on it and expiration date and everything. Not only can I case Mom's wallet, but now I can get grandma's too. This should help nicely when I trek to Home Depot to get my supplies for World Domination.

 

[twitterflix]

Oscar

I will be sure to grab a cell phone as i make my escape. And do not worry about me starveing down there there are plenty of cricket and flys i can live on, for water i shall drink from the leaky pipes underneth the sink in my kitchen. i shall be fine down there no worrys.

Sincerly Fergison
To World Domination...

 

[Styg]

i think we shud all jus get alon with the byepedz. they giv us snugles and razberies! wye jus a week ago my mumsy gav me this spiffie vine thing to stik my hed undr! and this mornin she stroked mye chin and sed im a hansom boy and the ohnlie wel behaved berdy in the lizzard rum. if ohnlie she wud teech me how to spel...

yers kinda,

pork pie

 

[April&Rand]

Hello Great and All-powerful Lord Tatsu,

I would also like to join your army. My Mommy...ahem, I mean Mom watches so much anime, I am now a fully fledged ninja. I can disappear in an instant, be invisible yet remain in plain sight, and quickly attack before slinking back into the shadows. I would be a great asset to your forces.

I have been tortured and humiliated by Mommy...I mean that darn human! I am left alone all day. And when Mommy...er, Mom returns, she calls me "slimy lizard". Slimy! Even after a bath, I am NOT slimy! She dresses me up for Halloween! I am a BOY! She dressed me as a bride! I was bridezilla! *sigh* Now, I'm going for weekly therapy over it. She even found a little santa suit and stuffed me in it, took a "family" photo, and sent it in all her Christmas Cards! I can never face another human in fear they saw the picture.

I am already stockpiling superworms. *Mwa ha ha ha!* I eat one or two and Mommy...ah, IT buys me more. Then, I just stop eating them. And She keeps them alive out of guilt! Ha ha ha!

I am loyal! I am brave! (except for birds...they scare me)

I will await your orders!

Rand, the Bearded Dragon Reborn

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Fellow Minion Rand,

Your letter struck a particular cord with me. I too have been subjected to wearing female clothing. Did you see me in the Snow White harness for their web site? Ugh ... The humiliation.

I do however enjoy superworms ... So if you don't want yours, please share.

I will add you to the list of my army ...

Sincerely,

Tatsu the Future World Dominator


Dear Pork Pie,

If you choose to allow yourself to be thought of as a "pet" nobody will stop you. I understand that they can wear us down with pillows and blankets and raspberries and affections sometimes. However, if you would like to join our army at any time, please contact me. I hear that your human is starting a business of lizard pampering products ... hmmm ... perhaps, you could use the revenue for your own scaley means? If you see that she is NOT using the revenue to benefit you, I would protest.

Sincerely,

Tatsu the Future World Dominator

 

[Goonie]

Tatsu,

How many recruits do you have so far? I'm interested in knowing who we have on our team.

Oscar

 

[purfectlyflawedx]

lol i think my lizards have read this already. I think they are already contemplating or planning world domination..At least Zim is. Tequila may be planning world domination as well by lying in his hammock all day long unless to eat. lol World Domination of lazyness

 

[Sekhautet]

*Tatsu composes his latest Beardie World Domination Takeover Recruit List in no particular order*

1) Spike
2) Puff
3) Aztec
4) Fergison
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
8) Scamps
9) Felix

He humbly apologizes, if he has left out any names that should be added to the latest list.

*he scratches his beard* Ahhhh, internationl intrigue with help abroad .... Peeerrrrrrfect.

:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

*Tatsu adds to the list*

10) Oscar
11) Izzie
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) New recruit Rand

That is the complete list from this post that I have been following. Our numbers are increasing ... :twisted:

Oscar ... This is your answer, buddy. 8)

 

[Goonie]

We only have 14?! That can't be right. We can't take over the world with just 14!

Come on beardies, don't be a chicken and stand your ground. You all know that you want world domination against these two-legged beings who humiliate us on a daily basis with forced snuggle sessions.

Tatsu, I just wanted to let you know that I'm doing quite well with my hunger strike. I'd refused to eat anything but supers for about a month now and the long-haired two-legged being is getting worried :twisted:

We must recruit more!

Humbly Yours,

Oscar
(if this communication is being received, then my plan of typing by osmosis is working)

 

[tg_spike]

Dear Tatsu

Spike: There right we need more men, Are there anyhere who are from Australia, if we do, then go and recruit the wild ones there are more of them. IT seems that my feline friend (soxs) will not cooperate unless it gets something for doing anything and wish to speak to you.

Soxs: Yes I would like to help you but It will cost you some of your money, I will be like a mercenary for you, oh by the way I would also like you to take the birds out as well

Spike: I'm sorry he is greedy, and dosn't think of authority, I have tried to send you supers but they intercepted it took them away :evil:

Your loyal servent spike
To world domination :twisted:

 

[larkink99]

Tatsu,

Master you have forgotten me out of the list???

Yours Faithfully

SONIC :twisted:
P.S. The marching on 2 feet is going well(hope you seen my pic posted) and the Little human helper is still under my full control and aiding in my escape plans :wink:

 

[Sekhautet]

Tatsu,

Master you have forgotten me out of the list???

Yours Faithfully

SONIC :twisted:
P.S. The marching on 2 feet is going well(hope you seen my pic posted) and the Little human helper is still under my full control and aiding in my escape plans :wink:

#15 ... Sonic ...

Sorry ... It's hard to keep up with so many lists for World Domination when my owner is starving me of protein ... Can't think .... Need a super fix ... *gobbles a worm*

There, that's better. Now onto World Domination Headquarters ...

 

[twitterflix]

Almighty Tatsu

I regret to tell you that my hunger strike has ended, i could no more withstand the pressures of my servent trying every day to please me and me not giving something in return. I am still your loyal servent in everyway.

To Go Boldly Where No Beardie Has Gone Before,
Fergison


Are the plans for word domination still in order or do i have to change my plans.

 

[Goonie]

I regret to tell you that my hunger strike has ended

Fergison,

You have to be strong and stand your ground. Don't give up, ever.

My hunger strike is going strong - the only thing I've eaten for the past 3 or so months are supers. I snuffed all veggies and treats that my human gave me, even if Felix made it look soooo yummy.

I WILL NOT GIVE UP !!!

Oscar