Death of my heart

[J4ckdaw-]

Thank you for spending such time and care on a response, for sharing your experiences and pain with me. I'm so sorry that you've been through this wretched experience too, because I would not wish this pain on anyone. I hate to say that hearing of your losses made me feel better, but reading your story helped me feel like I'm not alone. Thank you so much for that. You'll never know how much I needed your kind words.

I’m so glad. It breaks my heart to see how much you hurt, and I agree, this pain should never be wished on anyone. I don’t know you personally, or in the real world, but I know that you and your family can overcome this grief. Don’t bottle up that pain like I did, talk to someone if you need to. Take care!

 

[RachelG]

Hello,

I have been thinking about you & Lenny. He absolutely without a doubt felt love every day. Your
reaction to his loss, I have known that loss & have gone through blaming myself as well. It takes
you to a place where you don't want to be, isolated & as has already been said, Lenny wouldn't
want you to suffer emotionally as you are. You will see him again one day, perhaps his spirit will
be in another dragon & he will find you.
I still have trouble with the loss of our first dragon, but in time, it does get better. I thought I was
going to die, the loss was unbearable for me. Eventually, you will be able to have some solace.
Help your kids with their grief, I am sure that they need it as well.
We have some awesome members on here, with an array of experiences, loss, grief, but with a
lot of wisdom combined. We will all be here to help when you need us. Lenny was a lucky boy,
to have you as his mom.

Tracie

I don't have words to thank you and everyone here for... just being there. I am still very much grieving, but to know that I'm not alone has eased my aching heart considerably. I honestly posted here almost hoping to torture myself with comments picking apart the circumstances of his life and death, hoping someone would eventually pinpoint exactly how I caused this so I could curse myself appropriately. As dark a place as I was in, I didn't have any expectations of finding solace here or anywhere, but it found me here.

I am eternally grateful for your words and shared experiences. Condolences from friends and family seemed false, shallow, useless... how could they know the depth of my loss? Here, among those who have known that unique misery, those condolences feel real, heartfelt and solid.

Thank you so much, I needed every word more than you'll ever know.

 

[J4ckdaw-]

I don't have words to thank you and everyone here for... just being there. I am still very much grieving, but to know that I'm not alone has eased my aching heart considerably. I honestly posted here almost hoping to torture myself with comments picking apart the circumstances of his life and death, hoping someone would eventually pinpoint exactly how I caused this so I could curse myself appropriately. As dark a place as I was in, I didn't have any expectations of finding solace here or anywhere, but it found me here.

I am eternally grateful for your words and shared experiences. Condolences from friends and family seemed false, shallow, useless... how could they know the depth of my loss? Here, among those who have known that unique misery, those condolences feel real, heartfelt and solid.

Thank you so much, I needed every word more than you'll ever know.

I am so glad the folks on this forum were able to help you, and you are right. People who haven’t experienced the joy and laughs of a bearded dragon don’t understand the powerful, overwhelming pain that comes with it. This is a unique species, they have a way of filling our hearts with euphoria.

When I lost my bearded dragon for the first time, my friends and family had to tip-toe around me knowing that the tiniest thing… the tiniest memory could send me over the edge. The looks they gave me, so full of pity. They didn’t understand which made the pain so, so much worse.

Having people who actually understand is incredibly helpful, I wish I’d found this forum way earlier. Maybe things could have been different? All of our love and support goes out to you and your family through these hard times, with time your heart will heal and we’re all here for you.

 

[RachelG]

Yesterday seemed a little better until the night. My baby is in the morgue at the vet, and I know that the crematorium will pick him up today. I want to go to the vet and beg them to let me see him one more time. Has anyone done this? Would they let me? I know that might not be a sensible idea, but I am just aching for him so badly.

 

[AHBD]

This is all still fresh and getting better takes a while, at the same time the nights always are the worst when we are sick, lonely grieving or going through any severe trauma. I would advise you to not go, Lenny's body is there but you will once again feel too much pain because you can't revive him and might feel more strongly that you're " leaving " him. The little mementos that you made with his footprints and his ashes will remind you of him. So sorry, let your tears come but be strong. You are doing your best.

 

[J4ckdaw-]

Yesterday seemed a little better until the night. My baby is in the morgue at the vet, and I know that the crematorium will pick him up today. I want to go to the vet and beg them to let me see him one more time. Has anyone done this? Would they let me? I know that might not be a sensible idea, but I am just aching for him so badly.

I’m sorry to say but I don’t know. I’ve never had a pet cremated, so I dont know if I can help you with this

 

[RachelG]

This is all still fresh and getting better takes a while, at the same time the nights always are the worst when we are sick, lonely grieving or going through any severe trauma. I would advise you to not go, Lenny's body is there but you will once again feel too much pain because you can't revive him and might feel more strongly that you're " leaving " him. The little mementos that you made with his footprints and his ashes will remind you of him. So sorry, let your tears come but be strong. You are doing your best.

I didn't go, but I'm sure I'll be kicking myself later. I am trying really hard to accept the loss, I just keep circling back to disbelief.

 

[xp29]

I didn't go, but I'm sure I'll be kicking myself later. I am trying really hard to accept the loss, I just keep circling back to disbelief.

Here's a thought, my girlfriend took some of her moms ashes and had them mixed into the glass at a glass blowing shop in Oregon. She cherishes that beyond belief. Maybe you could do the same with Lenny. I'm sure you could probably mail some to a shop if there isn't any near you.

 

[RachelG]

Here's a thought, my girlfriend took some of her moms ashes and had them mixed into the glass at a glass blowing shop in Oregon. She cherishes that beyond belief. Maybe you could do the same with Lenny. I'm sure you could probably mail some to a shop if there isn't any near you.

I'm sure there are, that is a nice idea. I ordered some little keepsakes and I keep thinking I will hate them because all I want is him... but I have been carrying around his last blanket and one of his footprints and they have been very comforting to me. I'm guessing that any keepsakes will probably be treasured and not hated after all.

 

[J4ckdaw-]

Here's a thought, my girlfriend took some of her moms ashes and had them mixed into the glass at a glass blowing shop in Oregon. She cherishes that beyond belief. Maybe you could do the same with Lenny. I'm sure you could probably mail some to a shop if there isn't any near you.

That’s a beautiful idea

 

[xp29]

I'm sure there are, that is a nice idea. I ordered some little keepsakes and I keep thinking I will hate them because all I want is him... but I have been carrying around his last blanket and one of his footprints and they have been very comforting to me. I'm guessing that any keepsakes will probably be treasured and not hated after all.

I agree.

 

[Chris.]

That is a very nice idea. They will remind you of the good times wich are the most important memories. Lenny will be happy to know you remember them instead of the bad ones.

 

[Drache613]

Hello,

I hope you are able to find some peace through all of your sorrow.
When we lost our first precious boy, I didn't think I was going to make it. It took years for me to
start to move on. To this day, I have never gotten over losing him & it feels like he was just here
with me yesterday.
Things will get easier, but, He made an imprint on your heart & soul which will forever be with you.
You will never forget, but, in time, the pain & sadness will be in the background & you can handle
it better. I'm not sure that it ever really goes away, it just gets dull so you can move on. I believe
that Lenny will find you again, he will seek you out.
I made a little photo album with our first one & it did help me.

Tracie

 

[Lyrebird.Rainwing]

By any chance would a funny picture of my beardie help?

Hes basically an anti-depressant with legs

 

[Drache613]

Hello,

Just checking on you to see how you were doing....

That is a very cute picture, he looks very lazy there!

Tracie