Feel free to PM me whenever you like, but don't worry if I don't answer for a day or two once in a while. Sometimes I'm not up to emailing or posting when I have one of my can't-make-myself-do-anything-or-think-much-about-anything episodes, but they usually don't last for more than a few days at the most -- sometimes only a few hours or even only a few minutes if I'm lucky.
If your posts are anything to go by, then I don't think you're a hateful or a mean person. You obviously love your family and your animals, just like I do and just like lots of other people do. I think my poor husband understands that when I fly into one of my fits of rage, it doesn't mean that I don't love him -- it just means that I'm frustrated and freaked out about something at that moment. I would suppose that your husband and your mother in law and other family members probably understand that about you too. I also think you're a good person and very intelligent, and the "hate moods" aren't who you are, it's just the way you're "wired".
I've daydreamed escapist science fiction and fantasy every since I was a little kid -- I had literally hundreds of imaginary friends, and I got along better with the imaginary ones than with the real ones, since imaginary friends always do what you want them to do, and they leave when you don't want them around anymore, unlike the real ones. :wink: I like to think that I always knew the difference, but then, if I really didn't, how would I know? :? The jury is still out about some of my religious experiences -- you know, nowadays, if you talk to God, it's called "prayer", but if God talks back to you, they call it "schizophrenia". :roll:
Bottom line: it doesn't scare me away.
I also agree with you that Deb, Tracie, AHBD, and Cooperdragon are some of the good ones around here, and I don't need to put that in a PM because I don't mind if they read this. :mrgreen: There are a few others who can get a little critical sometimes (to say the least), but I try to give them a pass because it's often fairly obvious that they care a lot about the beardies and have strong opinions about what's good for them and what's not. But I also have to avoid people who are "toxic" to me in order to keep myself reasonably "sane" (whatever that is), and I do my best to wish those people well. I just don't want to be around them, and unfortunately, two of those kinds of people ended up being my supervisors at my last two jobs, and that's part of what ultimately took me out of the work force. Luckily, my husband is still willing and able to consistently perform to someone else's expectations even though he's had his share of mean supervisors, some of them even worse than the ones I've had. He's made of stronger stuff than I am.
I once had a psychotherapist tell me that I "always need to have a little critter to take care of," after he'd heard the story of the positive effect that it had on my emotions when we got Squirmles 15 years ago. But one is all it really takes -- if I had as many as you have, I'd probably be overwhelmed and go nuts. :shock: We're maxed out now with just two reptiles, plus Puff's little entourage of live crickets and roaches. But we love them both, and we're both committed to taking the best care of them that we possibly can until the end of their lives if we can get away with it. And sometimes animals can be better friends than people -- I totally get that.
We had a good day for critter care yesterday -- between the two of us (mostly thanks to my husband), we managed to get all the bare essentials done, even after a little shopping trip in the morning by my husband -- I wasn't quite up to going with him, but at least I managed to get it all put away when he got back. Puff and Squirmles both pooped in their baths -- easy cleanup, and Puff had a nice meal of crickets and roaches, and Daddy even managed to feed him a few bites of greens, which he grudgingly accepted, although I have to suppose that he would have preferred more bugs. :roll: But afterwards he still displayed interest in the mouse cable. Apparently, he still thinks it's a big long black worm, despite all our efforts to convince him otherwise. Daddy told him to go eat his veggies if he was still hungry, but of course he did not. He also watched me like a hawk when I was eating some little chocolate candies -- he probably thought they were roaches. :lol: