Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[StyxDragon4]

Hey also Tatsu, did you know that on your list half of youw 8's on the mubering aren't there. some weird sticky key. Hehe and my humans also have a sticky key from me... MUAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!

 

[Dunklezhan]

*Cracks open a beardie eye.* We must blame Cailith for that particular outrage. The number 8 followed by a ) turns into this: 8) hence our great and noble leader is forced to omit the number 8 from his plans. Or, perhaps it is a secret code known only to beardie kind and there is some diabolical intent thinly veiled behind the missing number 8. Perhaps it stands for 8 ball and the humans are now behind it, or something much more opportune.

*Yawn* Now I must go, it's time for my early afternoon snooze, to be followed by a large helping of salad, a move to my basking perch, and another snooze.

 

[duke11]

Dear Tatsu,
What a shame! 400 grams for the boot camp? I am only a juvenile! My human doesn't even own a gram scale. So, while I put on some grams, what should I do?

Newest recruit,
Duke

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Tryxi,

I have added your new title and very much enjoyed your report. Keep up the good work.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

Dear Dunklezahn,

It's about time your lazy butt joined our cause. Shame on you for having been on this forum for years and not coming to join us.

I am glad you are here now though, and I added your pet rock title as well to your listing.

And yes, we are pretty close. My human slave has mentioned to the taller human slave about three hours. I figure, I could walk to your house in about a day, since my legs are so long.

Sincerely,

Tatsu


Dear Dragondebs,

The boot camp weight requirement was lifted a long time ago. Please give me your dragon's name and I will add them gladly to the list.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

Dear Duke,

Please do not despair. Your name is on our recruit list. The boot camp weight requirement was waived a long time ago after our numbers grew sufficiently to support and train younger dragons.

We need all the help we can get.

And now troops ... Back to our devious plotting and planning. Anybody come up with a good battle plan for The Ides of March, yet? The day is quickly approaching.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

Tatsu's Recruits

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor/Foreign BD-Fu Dojo Coordinator)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry, who passed over The Rainbow Bridge in loyal service)
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily (Official Musk Mare Wrangler)
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Bella
63) Sparky
64) Dirk
65) Izzy
66) Chupes
67) Dameon (Master of BD-Fu and Coordinator of U.S. Dojos)
68) Agor (Dameon's Sidekick)
69) Queenie
70) Cosmo
71) Colossus
72) Bootsie (Internet Coordinator)
73) Foster
74) Waffle
75) Spike (Zelda's Spike)
76) Harlee
77) Zelda
78) Daliz
79) Saphira (The School Headmaster)
80) Eragon
81) Sophia
82) Olivair
83) Curly (Master of the Head Bob)
84) Sweet Pea
85) Phebe
86) Boris
87) Frilly (the frilled dragon )
88) Rocky
89) Merlin
90) Sunny
91) Ahmed
92) Talon
93) Landon
94) Leah
95) Hallie
96) Swatke
97) Tryxi (Master of Tricks)
98) Spazz
99) Aprhodite (Master of Spies)
100) Phoenix (Escape Extraordinaire)
101) Ian
102) Phoenix
103)Juno
104) Beardie (Communications Expert)
105) Duke
106) Dunklezahn (The Pet Rock With Legs)

 

[Lsorrent]

Dear Master Tatsu,

Dante and Randal reporting here. We have been reading about your army for a few months now, and now that the slaves are at work, we jumped on the chance to get to the computer. I, Dante, am about 10 months old, 17 inches and almost 500 grams, and my buddy Randal is about 9 months, 16 1/2", and around 330 grams. Randal has come up with a wonderful way of torturing the slave, and I am starting to join him as well. For the past two months or so, Randal hasn't been eating like he used to. The good news, then there was more food for me. But then I realized the slaves were paying more attention to him and not giving me the respect I deserve. So I've recently slowed down my eating as well. Now here's what we have to offer: I heard the female slave telling the male slave the other day that "We have almost 2,000 worms in this place, and one dragon who's not eating and the other one who's just barely eating!" They have been stocking us up and we have phoenix worms, supers, and now those funky blue things they call hornworms. We've been driving the female slave crazy with our new found (lack of) eating habits :twisted:

The bad news for us is, she keeps saying that we're going to the "doctor." We've been to this doctor before and he makes me mad. Last time I was there, I pooped on his table and bearded at him while he was holding me. I'm sure we'll do the same when we go later.

We respectfully request to be added to your list of recruits as we would be honored to help with the beardie revolution!

Your newest recruits,
Dante and Randal

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Dante and Randal,

Last time I went to a doctor, they stuck things in my mouth. I paid back the one human slave while my mom was on vacation, though. I bit him twice. His blood tasted sweet. And then he stopped giving me that icky medicine. I suggest doing the same, if they try to stick things in your mouth.

I heard that Mike pooped on his chart once at the vet. A valiant beardie move.

Welcome aboard. Please ship hornworms ASAP. My human slave is lazy and has never ordered any for me to try. They would be a true beardie delicacy in my house. Also, some phoenix worms. She's never given me those either. She claims my appetite is too big and too expensive for an adult dragon, but I think she's secretly trying to starve me to get to comply.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

Tatsu's Recruits

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor/Foreign BD-Fu Dojo Coordinator)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry, who passed over The Rainbow Bridge in loyal service)
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily (Official Musk Mare Wrangler)
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Bella
63) Sparky
64) Dirk
65) Izzy
66) Chupes
67) Dameon (Master of BD-Fu and Coordinator of U.S. Dojos)
68) Agor (Dameon's Sidekick)
69) Queenie
70) Cosmo
71) Colossus
72) Bootsie (Internet Coordinator)
73) Foster
74) Waffle
75) Spike (Zelda's Spike)
76) Harlee
77) Zelda
78) Daliz
79) Saphira (The School Headmaster)
80) Eragon
81) Sophia
82) Olivair
83) Curly (Master of the Head Bob)
84) Sweet Pea
85) Phebe
86) Boris
87) Frilly (the frilled dragon )
88) Rocky
89) Merlin
90) Sunny
91) Ahmed
92) Talon
93) Landon
94) Leah
95) Hallie
96) Swatke
97) Tryxi (Master of Tricks)
98) Spazz
99) Aprhodite (Master of Spies)
100) Phoenix (Escape Extraordinaire)
101) Ian
102) Phoenix
103)Juno
104) Beardie (Communications Expert)
105) Duke
106) Dunklezahn (The Pet Rock With Legs)
107) Dante
108) Randal

 

[Lsorrent]

Almighty Tatsu,

Randal here. Dante informed me that we're official recruits. Thank you for accepting us. I'm writing to let you know that the male slave HAS been forcing food into my mouth. They call it "babyfood." I don't like it one bit. In fact, when he tries to make me eat it, I beard and hiss at him, but he just laughs at me. I think next time I'll have to try biting like you said.

We'll try to write later to update on what happens tonight. I'm sure it's not going to go well........for the humans, that is :twisted:


Randal

 

[StyxDragon4]

I am please to inform you that I, Trixi Master of Tricks, have tricked my human out of giving me all he crickets! Man I feel good. So filling. First time I actually got to eat what i wanted! I am proud.
My human is making me a 90 gallon viv. and am recieving more attention than the other lizards!

I also request that we name our operation. Or if we already me to have a name, then what is it. Well time to go back to sleep, wait no, time to eat some salad. Then go to sleep. Ahhhh..... lifes good when you're a beardie. Servants and food.

 

[melissajo29]

Dante & Randall,
Curly, Master of the Headbob, here. I've not had hornworms in a couple of weeks, please send some my way

 

[duke11]

Master Tatsu,
Finally, some time for the computer! I am glad to inform you that I am toughening up. I am on my 2nd shed, and putting on some grams! The slave really did it last night. To think, they could actually attempt to escape when it's snowing! He got a whipping for that. Just got another shipment of hornworms, I love them! I am also working out of course, when my human isn't looking. She just says, "Aw, he's so cute!" And when the friends come over it's like "what a cutie!" I am sick of it. I don't know what to do know. What can I do to help the army now, Tatsu?

 

[duke11]

This is Duke reporting, SIR! I'm sorry General Tatsu, SIR! I am a disappointment to this army sir! If there is anything I can do to help, tell me sir! Please, I want to do something, sir! SIR YES SIR!

Over and out.

Duke

 

[Lsorrent]

Master Tatsu,

Randal again. I just got back from the doctor. I did not bite him, but I did not make it easy. I bearded, hissed, and clawed at him. But since he wasn't forcing anything in my mouth, I refrained from biting.

However, I did have a victory. The doctor human told my slaves to STOP forcing food in me So there - I got one human to tell my humans NOT to force open my mouth. Now I no longer have to endure that torture.

But the doctor did something I could not believe. Since I was clawing at him, he put a towel over my head! I cannot believe he would think he could do such a thing!!! If any human thinks they can just cover me up with a towel to get me to calm down, they're in for a big surprise. When he finally put me back down, I was watching every move he made - and he knew it. I wasn't going to let him pull that again.

I must go and bask now those stupid slaves made me go outside in the freezing cold. Don't they know I need the heat!!!! :x Oh, and I heard the male human saying something about making me a new hide for my tank. Making the humans worry is really working to my and Dante's advantages. I highly suggest it.

Dante and I will be sending some hornworms to you and Curly as soon as the slaves hand them over.

Randal

 

[Poisoned1]

Oh honorable Tatsu

What a glorious day it was today. My stupid slave tried to give me medicine he was holding me so tightly I could not move. I finally opened my mouth so he would let me go, but all of a sudden he sticks this yucky gross stuff in my mouth. So what should I do? Oh that's right I pooped all over his hand, ha ha.
Great success.
He quickly went to washing his hand as I watched him and laughed inside.

Swatke out sir.

 

[Sekhautet]

Troops,

It appears that all could learn from Swatke's and Randal's and Dante's valiant skirmishes with their humans and vets.

And Tryxi, if you have a name for the operation, by all means suggest it. It has not been named, yet.

Suggestions anyone?

Thank you all,

Sincerely,

Tatsu

P.S. Duke ... If you could work on storing food supplies for us. We will need all our energy for the battle to come. Never fear. You are not a disappointment. No recruits are ever disappointments. All beardies are victorious and noble creatures, as are all our other creature allies. We stand together as one and fight. Til victory! *insert noble tail slashing here with speech*

 

[melissajo29]

Tatsu sir,
Boris reporting. I have been hoarding supers like nobody's business in my new mansion! unfortunately, my mommy, er, human slave, found my stash and i had to start over :x i guess it's ok though, it seems most of them had died and come to think of it, they were getting a little stinky but fear not, i've started a new collection! And as Curly is my neighbor upstairs, i know for a fact he's been working out to "buff up" for the cause-he's quite a noisy neighbor :x i think he's trying to ensure Phebe gives him her love, but ah, what a beauty...... i may have to fight him for her :twisted: She's been awefully lazy lately, i think she's saving her energy for March's great battle. And Frilly just keeps getting bigger-that kid sheds all the time Keep us all posted on what else we can do to help the cause
Boris