Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[Houdini]

Tatsu,

I have come inform you of my slave's cruelty. I have tried everything, he has been too.

About a week ago, he pulled me out of my enclosure, sat me on some newspaper, and started massaging my stomach, and trying to make me poo. He was just asking for it. I didn't poo.
Then, he put me back in my enclosure. On my basking spot, a pile of bricks with a cave underneath. To make him work harder cleaning, I pooed on the bricks. 2 of the 5 were covered in poo, and had to be removed.
He used the remaining ones, plus an additional one, to make my basking spot. Except, HE REMOVED MY CAVE! So, I've been stuck trying to hide under my log. It doesn't work too well i must say.
Today, he came home to see me with a mighty blackbeard. So, he took me out, assumed I needed to poo, and started massaging my stomach. So i pooed and he got poo on his legs and the floor. So, that was a mighty success.
Then, he put me back in the cage, and I returned to my blackbearding. Finally he realised that i wanted my cave and gave it back! I WON! So, to celebrate my victory, I curled up in the corner, not in my cave, just to laugh at him. It works.

Maybe I should pull out my black beard again and see if I can make him give me some money... :twisted:

Houdini

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Houdini,

I accept fives and tens or twenties. Anything bigger than that looks suspicious for me to be carrying around, as my human doesn't even carry big bills. Have to camoflauge with the human slaves and fit in, you know. :wink:

Congrats on your cave success.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[greg875]

Hello, my name is Izzy. My slave has aquired me 2 weeks ago. I am very good with technology. When my slave holds me while typing I jump behind his computer and attempt to make it into a black hole generator. My slave removes me immediately. I think this has to do with his nature of worrying about me endlessly. I am quite annoyed by the fact that my slave sprinkles a strange white substance on my food. Do you have any idea what this substance is or how I can halt this practice?

Please let me join you, mighty Tatsu.

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Izzy,

I believe the white powder you write of is some type of seasoning to trick you into only eating salad and giving up your meat eater diet only. Do not fall for such ploys.

I have added your name to our list of recruits.

Welcome aboard,

Tatsu


Tatsu's Recruits

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry, who passed over The Rainbow Bridge in loyal service)
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Bella
63) Sparky
64) Dirk
65) Izzy

 

[tg_spike]

Alimghty Tatsu 18 is miising there is only a 1

 

[JadeDL_Angel]

Alimghty Tatsu 18 is miising there is only a 1

hey where is the number for #8?

 

[El_Chupe]

Herro! Dis is Chupes. Sorree I rite so bad but I'm jus' baby. I'm Fwee months old! I haf idea to get back at tall fleshy people. We must first get a goat. Den i take care of rest! (its what i do best) and we leaf it as a threat to waht we do to them! Den we make dis thing that will shoot those shiney disks wich the tall fleshy people play music from! Those wud cut dem up bad! Sorry Tatsu i dont have supers to pay wif. Dey are too big for me but i can bring pwenty of lil crickets and cant-ee-loup?

I is very sneaky and fast. I make gud scout and azz-azz-in! Tell me wut to do!


They laugh at me, these beardies, just because I am small.
They laugh at me because I'm not a hundred feet long.
I tell 'em there's a lot to learn down here on the ground.
The world is big but lil' beardies turn it around.

Cause' little beardies know.
When little beardies fight.
We may look easy pickin's but we got some bite!
So never kick a dog,
Because hes just a pup!
You'd better run for cover when the pup grows up!
And we'll fight like twenty beardies
And we won't give up!

Can I joins you? I bring a sack lunch wif me in my Superbeardie wunch box!

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Fierce Chupes,

I love cantaloupe, but I do not eat crickets. However, I will allow you to donate the cricket ration to another troop member, if someone would like them, instead. Thank you for the offer, but I love my supers best. I have not eaten crickets since I was young and fierce like you.

You may join our recruits! We gladly are accepting all members. We used to only accept recruits of older ages, but now that our army is growing, we have been accomodating beardies and animals of all sizes for months now.

I am hereby making your original song the official fighting training song for all small beardies in our army. So listen up younger recruits, and learn this song!

Thank you for contribution.

To World Domination,

Tatsu

P.S. I have never had my own lunch box. My human slave is so neglectful. I will have to purchase one on ebay, because I love lunch.

Tatsu's Recruits

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry, who passed over The Rainbow Bridge in loyal service)
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Bella
63) Sparky
64) Dirk
65) Izzy
66) Chupes

 

[El_Chupe]

Btw, if you want to know where the song comes from. Its a take off from "Little People" from Les Miserables. You can watch the part that its from here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPcgwdpc1D0

if you skip ahead to abotu 2:35 when Inspector Javert is up then youll be up to speed with whats going on.

You'll know the part with the song when it comes.

 

[slavetoIzzie]

Dear Tatsu, please forgive myyyyyyyyyyyyyy :sleepy2: (jerks awake) sorry about that! My long absence. It began 2 weeks ago, a sudden lassitude, lack of appetite and need to cuddle up in my blankie. I would barely stir for my breakfast worms, forget the salad and sleep all day. Then, I would have a sudden surge of energy and demand the slave feed me a large salad with my worms, give me my bath so I can "lighten the load" and run wild in the sunroom.

Today is the first day that the slave has left me alone to send you a message. Hopefully, this new form of sleep torture :evil: will end soon and I will recover my boundless energy and zest for life.

P.S. If my beloved Princess (and Queen of my heart) is keeping tabs on our communiques, I truly have been incapacitated and not "bearding" around. You and you alone have my heart :love10: :love10:

 

[Keith Stoudt]

Hello Tatsu, i have watched my human pass by this post many times, and i must say I am intruiged. I would like to join you on the grounds of that i belive i may be the most battle ready BD you have ever come across. My human has many silly titles in various forms of "martial arts" and is a skilled swordsmen as well. I have learned much in my time controlling him and practice these new skills on the menicing yet tasty crickets he gives me. Using my viv as a "dojo" mimicking his movements to learn much the same as the rat in that teenage turtle movie, should have been BD's. My human also wishes to be a marine biologist, i belive this may be useful as we can get these sea creatuers to transport us. I apologize, in my thirst to join i failed to give you my name, I am Dameon master of BD-FU, and my masters other bd Agor is my stupid,(sad fact of life), but very strong partner. His daily enjoyment is to push a bowling ball around the house. We ask for your acceptance in your mighty army of scaly breatheren.


At your service,

Dameon and Agor

Sorry for the add on but i forgot to mention my expertise in biology and ecology that i also got from the slave, as well as his ability to fix and drive the big roaring metal beasts. He is such a fountain of useful skills.... Very well, Agor wishes to say that he works the pedals, but i am the true driver!

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Dameon master of BD-FU and Agor,

I am adding your names to the list of recruits. I think we should start a Federation for BD-FU. You are being put in charge of opening dojos in the U.S. and we also shall need an overseas volunteer to coordinate dojos elsewhere.

Sincerely in World Domination,

Tatsu


Dear Izzie,

Have no worries. I think that is a good thing you have taken time for some R&R to build up your strength reserves. I have been napping and pondering myself in between frequent salad snacks and superworm bliss.

Sincerely,

Tatsu


Tatsu's Recruits

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry, who passed over The Rainbow Bridge in loyal service)
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Bella
63) Sparky
64) Dirk
65) Izzy
66) Chupes
67) Dameon (Master of BD-Fu and Coordinator of U.S. Dojos)
68) Agor (Dameon's Sidekick)

 

[El_Chupe]

Will this BD-Fu have kids classes too!? I was hoping to learn that kick move that that Chuck Norris Man knows! I'm still working on the Over the head arm wave chopping slice of doom.

:wave:

 

[thunderbrothers]

BD-FU ????

:laughhard:

That sounds so wrong. Maybe that could be our official battle chant ?

Your loyal follower,

Spike (Member #59)

 

[El_Chupe]

What battle chant? The song in my signature? Look at my application and Tatsu's reply to it. He already designated what it is

Chupes #66