Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[tg_spike]

Almighty Tatsu
I Have come across a vauble allie, She is about 14 hands and is a Horse, She is willing to fight for our cause and gives us a modem of transport. She knows many of her kind some larger than her. She and her friends will be ready to join are cause, Her name is Lisa if you wish to contact her Please inform me. He still has not cut my nails so progrees of the building this weapon is going well but I can't complete it without the metal.
Awaiting comannds
Your Loyal sevent Spike

 

[thunderbrothers]

Oh Lord! Those photos are disturbing. My little dragon eyes are burning! There should be laws against posting images like that!

If there is anything that I can do to help those in the Texas ranks, please drop me a line. As you can see by perusing the "Crushed Walnut - UPDATE" thread in the Enclosures forum, I have achieved COMPLETE DOMINATION over my human. Nothing is out of my reach now!

 

[Houdini]

Tatsu,

I have been working on our ship, but have had much difficulty. First, I tried to build a scale model, to carry one or two of us. Just a little practise boat. Well, I was lucky enough to encounter a storm, and it sunk the boat. Fortunetly with my control over the human, I made him dive into the water after me to pull me out.

Second problem was to retrieve the boat. It took me a week to pull it back out of the water, because it was so heavy, and I could only salvage pieces when the humans weren't around. When I'd finally gotten all the pieces, I found the motor didn't work. So, I had to steal a new one off the slave, which was hard to do, as I had to first convince him that he needed this motor for a science project, so he would go buy it.

And then, the third and final problem is, the human discovered me, while I wasn't controlling him. Before I could get control over him, he took the boat, and stepped on it. I have been grounded in my cage for a long time, without access to the computer . I finally managed to get out today to post this, but I have no boat. I do however have a solution.

If everyone steals money off their humans, and sends it to me, I will purchase a motorboat, and head to America to free you all. So send the money FAST.

Sincerely,
Houdini

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Spike,

We need your horse to send money secretly in a saddle bag to Houdini for his boat project. I am placing you in charge of collecting money from the troops.

Houdini,

Help is on the way.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[Houdini]

Tatsu (and Spike)

Thank you for sending assistance. I will work on "collecting" as much money as I can from the humans. Assuming they leave wallets and credit cards unattended at night :twisted:

Sincerely,
Houdini, Australian Lizard Correspondant

 

[perns rider]

dear almighty tatsu,
my name is Dirk, i am a year old and have been with my human slave for over three weeks now. I have been watching this army growing now for a week and have finally decided to join, i think i can give you some interesting information and a plot to kill all humans:
well my slave had took me out to a store they called party city, even though it was boring and not as near as big as a city i happened to notice a thing the humans call make/up due to the fact i have never seen makeup i studied it closely and learned that humans can make them selves look ugly and disfigured with it to scare other humans so maybe if we put it on a human without knowing , they and all around it may faint,because they looked at something so ugly , and as there out we can lock them in big antique trunks and that will leave us to take over the world!!!
sorry for my rambling i hope you like my idea

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Texas Gang,

I say you stage a poop revolt. Poop in unison as often and incoveniently as possible. This has worked well at my house.

Dear Dirk,

I am adding your name to our recruit list. This makeup idea of yours, I think it holds some merit. We might be able to disguise ourselves as humans and steal their car keys and wallets.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

Tatsu's Recruits

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Beau
63) Sparky
64) Dirk

 

[tg_spike]

Tatsu (and Houndini)

I shall send across the seas to send the money and more food for brain power.
I have come across a great discovery you see domestic pigs only take a few weeks to go wild and turn into feral pigs growing a shaggy fur and tusk well I have found we could use this to advantages. By relising them they will be a big Probleam trying to stop them we can sneak behind lines and attack them of gaurd. I have Finished the oxygen destroyer and will use it soon another invention I have created is an ion particle Cannon it is a new feat.
Your loyal servent Spike

 

[bonsai.]

Hello,

I regret to report that one of your most faithful followers, Kip the Commander of all Things Strawberry, has passed away.

He'd like to thank you all for being his most trusted allies.

- Bonsai

 

[Rosebud]

From the Texas ranks:
We offer our deepest sympathies. He was such a handsome boy, and we are sure that he has been warmly welcomed in beardie heaven! He will have a beautiful girlfriend, our Rose, to keep him company.

Sincerely,
Princess Cassandra, Trixie, Bella, Sparky, Yoda, Cricket, Ollie, Captain, Kiwi, Stormy, Caliban, Rufus, Daisy, Frankie, and all of the unnamed residents living in the Rosebud household.

 

[tg_spike]

Spike sends his regreats to a great beardie
May he live on in all are memeries

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Kip's Owner,

The recruits are holding a moment of silence in honor of their fallen trooper, Kip. He was a good addition to our army and we were proud to have him. The Commander of All Things Strawberry will be sorely missed among our ranks.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

*Tatsu pulls out a bugle to properly serenade Kip with "Taps" and offers a bouquet of waxies*

R.I.P. Kip


Tatsu's Recruits

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry, who passed over The Rainbow Bridge in loyal service)
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Beau
63) Sparky
64) Dirk

 

[Rosebud]

Dear Tatsu,
We staged a poop revolt as you suggested. It was a huge success and an enormous, noxious mess! :mrgreen: In fact, it was such an awe inspiring assalt that it backfired. The slave now dunks each of us in a pan of warm water until we poo, grumbling that she'll fix our poopy cans! Poop revolts are out. She has overpowered our ability to poop at will.

However, the hunger strike has proven far more successful and lasting. She felt so guilty over her incompetence that she ordered and recieved a plump shipment of butters, supers, and silkies, and even the salads are scrumpous lately.

The feathereds have joined our cause, but they are no longer much use to us besides the occasional blood letting nip from their sharp edged beaks when she least expects it. The blue one, Captain, attempted to escape, and she clipped all of their flight feathers! Rats! We will now have to wait six months before we can plan any aerial reconnaisance missions or pleasure flights. :roll:

One last thing, Dear Tatsu. The beardie formerly known as Beau has had a sex change. We all suspected that he was, well, lacking in manly bulges, but we kept our suspicions to ourselves until he announced just a few weeks ago that he was a female trapped in a male beardie identity! We would like to ask you to honor His/her personal decision to let his she-ness prevail, and change her name to Bella.

As always, your loyal Texas ranks :notworthy:

 

[Sekhautet]

Will do, Bella. We're always happy to have more female recruits. You can never have enough women. 8)

Sincerely,

Tatsu


Tatsu's Recruits

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry, who passed over The Rainbow Bridge in loyal service)
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Bella
63) Sparky
64) Dirk

 

[tg_spike]

Almighty Tatsu I have created a monster of ultimate destruction
It is top secrete And will post pictures when I feel it is safe but it will eradicate all people who try to stop us. I must not speak so much as There could be spies.