Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[Rosebud]

Mighty Tatsu, Trixie here. After joining your noble effort, I was assigned to the FBI (Forum Beardie Intelligence) because I can hang upside down from ledges by my hooked tail stump and go relatively undetected by beardies and humans alike. :lurk: Well, this morning, as I cruised, undetected, among the human threads, I stumbled across this post in the thread entitled "Does this happen to anybody else?"

"OMG, I really think we need to start and consider our safety around these beardies. Let us unite as one, and be safe. Sign up to IPAB (International Protection Against Beardies) today and stop the beardie takeover!"

It seems that SOMEONE in our ranks got greedy and exposed our plot to the humans through a careless hostage taking! :roll: I await your command! :notworthy:

 

[thunderbrothers]

Oh Mighty Tatsu :notworthy:

Please forgive me. This was not a careless spurt of the moment action. My hostage plot was devised as a way to meet your very steep boot camp fee. My human refuses to give me any more supers because of one stupid binge feeding incident, where I ate a few too many at once, and couldn't keep them down. (Hey, you try to eat 35 supers at one time, and see how YOU feel). My highly calculated plot to get 100 crickets is working exactly as planned. I heard my human say he needs to get them ASAP, before something called a C-L-I-E-N-T calls on his device. :twisted:

With these 100 crickets, I can barter with the crazy leopard geckos next door. They are overrun with supers, but rarely get the delicate winged treats. I talked them into a 10-1 deal, so I will have the supers portion of the fee covered. As a plus, we will have these nutball geckos as allies when the day of reckoning arrives. Just yesterday, I watched in awe as all 8 of them would jump on their human in unison as she walked by their lair. It has been ages since I have been privileged enough to see such as display of precision aerial assault.

As a side note, my human has already accepted a more subservient attitude towards myself and my needs. This will only aid in our domination when the time is right :whip:

- Spike (still loyal to the movement)

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Trixie,

Yes, yes, the F.B.I. must continue to keep close tabs on this horrible turn of events. You are doing our cause a great service. I am much displeased with what I have read on that thread.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

Dear Spike,

I have a gecko at my disposal. He escapes from his tank frequently unnoticed and is a great spy. You have my approval to bring the geckos into our ranks in your prison sector.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[Rosebud]

Yo, Spike! Trix here. Sorry man. I was totally not hip to your plan. All I can say is that I take my job very seriously. Sometimes I'm a little too quick to get my beard black. :roll:

Brilliant, bringing in the leos. My twin brother is working on the feathered lizards here. The big grey one is almost on board. If we can procure a few more tons of almonds, we will have transportation by air, and the big grey one will also agree to give the stupid human a good nip with his beak if she fails to deliver our quota of silkies each month. :twisted:

As always, Mighty Tatsu, we await your command! :notworthy:

 

[tg_spike]

Almighty Tatsu
I have summoned the monters to your thrall, as well I have gained inside infomation that britan is planing to fight back. They plan to ban high wattage lights slowing us down in britan we must fight this assult or we shall be behind.

Awaiting futher commands
Spike

 

[Sekhautet]

Almighty Tatsu
I have summoned the monters to your thrall, as well I have gained inside infomation that britan is planing to fight back. They plan to ban high wattage lights slowing us down in britan we must fight this assult or we shall be behind.

Awaiting futher commands
Spike

As my first order of business, I have halted watching Fawlty Towers, a favorite rerun of mine in protest. I also will no longer be letting my slave buy any imports from Britain. We will hurt them financially.

Perhaps, if Princess Diana were still alive, this would not have happened. She seemed to be a caring human slave.

I say that we find ways to sabotage the tea and scones in Britain. That would hurt them enormously. We must all drink coffee, which I love anyway. No more tea for anyone or their human slaves. This is reminiscent of another time in history ...

Off with their heads!

And let them eat cake, instead of scones. :wink:

I realize I mix metaphors in history, but you get the point, troops. :wink:

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[tg_spike]

Sir
I live within a british army camp a shall need some resorces but by attacking the pet stores I shall summons the beardies and attack there source of power with there bases here gone they will be pushed backed. I have Also found a large teenage boy who is planning to take over the world with friendship I have warned him but he will not budge, We should crush him before he becomes a threat I will kill him But I need some speacail metal only found at NASA, I need someone to ship me some to beable to finish construction of the oxygen destroyer and he will be vanquished.
Your loyal serevent Spike

 

[Sekhautet]

Sir
I live within a british army camp a shall need some resorces but by attacking the pet stores I shall summons the beardies and attack there source of power with there bases here gone they will be pushed backed. I have Also found a large teenage boy who is planning to take over the world with friendship I have warned him but he will not budge, We should crush him before he becomes a threat I will kill him But I need some speacail metal only found at NASA, I need someone to ship me some to beable to finish construction of the oxygen destroyer and he will be vanquished.
Your loyal serevent Spike

Dear Recruits,

I urge one of you to volunteer on getting this metal for Spike and shipping it to him. This is in our best interest.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[Nanci]

Oh Brave and Mighty Tatsu,

The slave has taken to calling me names. For instance, when she gets home from her job where she works so she can afford only the finest worms for me, the first thing she says is "Isabellini!!!" Now, I take it that this is a shortened version of Isabella Rosellini, so it is acceptable, but the other name is not. Sometimes she calls me "Fatty McFat." I find this highly disrespectful. I was ill when she became my slave, and it is only natural that I should fill out to proper proportions when I rid myself of the blood-sucking parasites.

In retaliation, I have developed a new weapon. I call it the Bilious Cloud Of Death. To manufacture it, one must have a ready supply of giant green hornworms. Eat as many as possible. Digest them into a vile green slurry. Release at the most inopportune time.

Unfortunately, the slave has stopped supplying me with the luscious green worms. I am considering a hunger strike to bring them back, right after I finish off my stockpile of 350 silkworms. I just couldn't bear to see them go to waste.

But perhaps this information will be of help to other troops. The slave did gag when trying to clean up the mess. I was rewarded with a fresh warm bath.

Your faithful soldier,

Isabel the Wily

 

[thunderbrothers]

Isabel,

I feel your pain. I recently staged a successful hunger strike, and lasted for over two weeks before my human finally gave in. Since then, I have been replenishing my natural fat stores, so my food intake has been higher than normal. Because of this, my human has been in the habit of referring to me as "Buddha".

I was unequivicably triumphant in my recent hostage plot, so I must now devise a new more devious plan to exact revenge on my poor witless human :twisted:

- Spike

 

[Rosebud]

Dear Recruits,

I urge one of you to volunteer on getting this metal for Spike and shipping it to him. This is in our best interest.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

Dear Tatsu,
As it happens, we, the Texas ranks, are imprisoned very close, relatively speaking, to this place called NASA. However, it is not exactly within crawling distance. As yet, we are still short one ton of shelled almonds of securing the loyalty of our potential flight brigade here, and besides, while some of the winged beasts could easily transport us to said location, bringing the metal back with us could be a problem. For one thing, if it is reflective, much distraction on the part of the winged beasts can be expected as they are given to prolonged fits of narcissism when gazing back at their own reflections :love10: , even more so than our beloved but exceedingly conceited Princess Cassandra (although she is the fairist of all here by far. She is our ONLY fully tailed specimen! :wink: ). Also, the metal could be heavy or cumbersome. :help:

These are just some of the issues that we must address if we are to procure and transport said metal to Spike. Then of course there is the matter of shipping. The slave grumbles at shipping costs for our food stores. Any idea how much it will cost to ship said metal? :dontknow: :dontknow:

As always, your loyal Texas ranks. :notworthy:

 

[Sekhautet]

I imagine the metal will cost about as much as a ton of superworms would to be shipped to my willing mouth.

Dear Isabel,

I used The Bilious Cloud of Death on my slave this week too. Good one! :lol:

 

[tg_spike]

Alimighty tatsu

I only need a small amount, enough to make a synthetic copy. About a gram should do. I have tried to persaude him over but No luck he will not budge he feels we are of not threat but we shall show him :twisted: .
I have heard my slave he is thinking of cutting my nails to think that he would cut them my magnificent claws of death :x :x no I will not let him.

Awaiting your commands Spike

 

[Sekhautet]

Alimighty tatsu

I only need a small amount, enough to make a synthetic copy. About a gram should do. I have tried to persaude him over but No luck he will not budge he feels we are of not threat but we shall show him :twisted: .
I have heard my slave he is thinking of cutting my nails to think that he would cut them my magnificent claws of death :x :x no I will not let him.

Awaiting your commands Spike

I am putting a call out to all recruits who read this to help obtain the necessary metal. This is very important to get to Spike before he loses the use of his regal claws to the evil human slave.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[Rosebud]

Dear Tatsu,
Things have deteriorated significantly here. We are all on a hunger strike, and are staging a full blown revolt, and we have convinced the feathered ones to join the fight! At least for now.

First, she added steamed red cabbage to our salads. She THOUGHT that the added color would make the slop more appealing to us and to the feathereds. :roll: We all turned our noses up at it, kicked it out of our bowls, and gave her the most dirty looks that we could muster. :evil: The large grey feathered one named Yoda did us all proud when he picked up his bowl full of salad and tossed it across the room! That really made her mad. But then she "ran out" of all greens besides mustard! She SAID that she just got too busy and couldn't make it to market. We think the slave needs to spend less time on that frivolous business she calls "work" and spend more time taking better care of our needs. :mrgreen:

The feathered ones are also in a huff as well because she refuses to give them nuts. She got suspicious when the store of nuts began to shrink faster than usual. She still has not found our bargaining stores, but we are unable to collect the necessary two tons demanded by the feathered ones to join our cause.

Things will be improving, in the food department, however. Sparky reports that he saw her order a giant shipment of silkies and butterworms after looking very concerned at the mass rejection of salad. We will have our way soon, but securing the feathered ranks may take a while longer.

On top of this food war, she has taken a sick interest in our private parts and our subtle means of communication. We don't know what she is up to, but here is what she did to our Princess Cassandra: she made her so angry that she puffed, and the beastie human snapped her pic!

Then, she began to take these horribly intrusive and vulgar pics of myself and my sister Trixie. Please cover your eyes if you embarass easily or cover the eyes of the young ones:
MY BUTT!!!!:

My sister's BUTT!!!!:

WE WERE LIVID!! Why in the world would she do this?? We are affraid that our human slave might be getting into the beardie porn business to beef up her coffers, and she is exploiting US! :shock: She has posted this smut in the forum called "General".

We are beside ourselves, dear Tatsu. These horrid conditions MUST improve, or we will be forced to do something drastic. Got any drastic ideas? :help:

Your faithful and much abused Texas ranks.:notworthy: