Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[Reptilover]

Kira,
I have established a large temple to worship to beardinity to, have you erected a large Statue of Greens,Cricket wings,and other things to make it look like our Glorious lord of domination, Tatsu. I bask in the glory of being able to sleep next to it. I too have the problem of my slavespit at the wordinterupting me during my worship time, what do you do in order to worship, I bow in the direction of TGLODT first then list the sin's commited in by my slaves and how i corrected them *Evil laugh Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha :twisted: :evil: * Then I pray for forgiveness for not being cruels enough, then I repeat the Ten Commandments of Beardinity, and do a constant bow motion towards my two statues, one of Tatsu and one of who i was given my name for, Puffort the First conqueror of the seven lands(he was as we all know the first bearded dragon to complete our glorious quest).
Sincerely,
Mac Daddy G, Puffort

 

[brittany]

Puffort,
Yes, I do have a temple but it is a tree that I have moved the branches around to make it look like our Great Leader, Tatsu. I tried the whole veggie idea but I either got too hungry and ate it or my stupid human would take it away. My tree never leaves my home so, it makes a wonderful shrine. We also worship in the same mannor. I swear that my human slave is plotting against me. I overheard her telling my larger human slave man about getting a new baby that is 'just so cute'. Aren't I cue enough for ya, lady?? How can one not fall in love with my smile and my cute anticts? I just don't understand. Hopefully this wil not happen but it if does...they will all feel my wrath. Bwuhahahahahaha! :twisted:
Sincerely,
Kira

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Recruits,

I am sorry for not being in touch sooner, but my human slave has held me captive in my prison for 6 out of the past 7 days. She claims she hasn't been feeling well and that there hasn't been any sun for me to bask, but I know otherwise. I think she knows what's going on because of the C.A.T. we discovered as a traitor.

Please help. Send me sharp implements in the mail, my ladder for escape, and some raspberries and greens ASAP.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[slavetoIzzie]

Dear Tatsu,
I have dealt with the furball that has been spying on us. :twisted: It will be some time before she attempts to sabotage our plans again. I have discovered her weaknesses and with a bit of planning, used them against her. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
GT is still an ally, willing to do anything that will break Turtle's monopoly on the indoors. I wouldn't trust him with a lot of information, as he's a bit short in the brains department, but as long as he has simple orders, he's pretty dependable.

Now, for the bad news My slave has stolen our strawberries and turned them into a disgusting junk, called "jam" :evil: I take full responsibility for this fiasco. I should have sent them to one of our supply depots ASAP! As a punishment for this lapse, I forced myself to give "kisses an' cuddles" to the slave. What a ***** :roll: she actually thinks I care about her.

 

[my1stlizard]

dear tatsu,

After reading these posts I feel obliged. Ive relised that my human slave was somehow torturing me instead! So ive been thinking about this for minutes now and ..........tatsu I want to join your army.

 

[quillian91]

My dear Tatsu,

It is for the first time, in months, that I have escaped long enough to report. So many things have happened....

My human Female has upsized my small 50 gallon into a custom built cage, which I think looks horrible, by the way. The colors... Plain white.... how stimulating. But it is one breath of fresh air, being able to move around and climb rocks, and sit on branches, and hide in the corner as far away from the doors as possible...

Of course, with new oppertunities, there come new problems, With my old cage, it would be quite easy to bang up on the lid to open it, where these 'sliding doors' I have yet to get them open, so instead, I simply scratch at the glass until My Human has to replace it, which I do not think she was thrilled about.

Alas, alas, She is not the one in charge here.

I have also been receiving 'piano lessons' as my human calls it. Of course, it is really quite the other way around. Her loud banging is increasing my blood preassue. I instead lay on the keys, occasionally pressing one in a much better tune than hers, and this seems to infuriate her, as if My Female was angered by the softly soothing tones of my music.

I take it all in strides, of course. There is not much one can do about jealousy. it stings the best of us.

Also, with my new position, I see a possible Ally.... Or a Pissible Rival. It is a corn snake, younger than I, of course, but quite sweet natured. She too seems to have issues with the human not feeding her more than once a week. I sympathize completely. I have been having squash forced down my throat daily, much to her ammusement, and my disgust. Really, of all the food choices...

The Snake's name is Sin. She has asked me to send her reguards as well, from what confusing codes we had to make up without consulting eachother about their meanings. I have gathered that she would like to join the cause, so to speak.

Have you any thought of ways they could be of use as of yet? I know if this Sin were to regurgitate her weekly mouse, my Human Female would most likely go into cardiac arrest from disgust... This could be handy...

Of course, Perhapse my human is the only one who does this... She is quite pathetic, really...

My best greetings to you all, I shall try to report again soon,

Dante (MoMaIT)

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Tydo,

My apologies for an untimely reply to your request. I did not wish to ignore you, but my human slave has been holding me captive and making it extremely difficult to break out and get to the computer lately. She is supposedly suffering from a human ailment called "insomnia" and "fibromyalgia", but that really translates into "just keeping a closer eye on her scaly children and making my life miserable."

Please everyone, welcome Tydo to our army.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

Latest List of Recruits

1) Spike
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry
41) Draco
42) Puff
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira
52) Sarge
53) Tydo

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Tatsu,
I have dealt with the furball that has been spying on us. :twisted: It will be some time before she attempts to sabotage our plans again. I have discovered her weaknesses and with a bit of planning, used them against her. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
GT is still an ally, willing to do anything that will break Turtle's monopoly on the indoors. I wouldn't trust him with a lot of information, as he's a bit short in the brains department, but as long as he has simple orders, he's pretty dependable.

Now, for the bad news My slave has stolen our strawberries and turned them into a disgusting junk, called "jam" :evil: I take full responsibility for this fiasco. I should have sent them to one of our supply depots ASAP! As a punishment for this lapse, I forced myself to give "kisses an' cuddles" to the slave. What a ***** :roll: she actually thinks I care about her.

Dearest Izzie,

Jam? What a horrible concotion. Perhaps, we can use it as a yummy glue to hold together some beardie rafts or something. Or we can just put it in their pillows and hope they lay their heads down on it at night. *squish* Yeah ... That's a good idea. Follow up on the jam pillow stuffing as a formidable technique to discourage this horrible abomination to our precious strawberry reserves.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[Sekhautet]

My dear Tatsu,

It is for the first time, in months, that I have escaped long enough to report. So many things have happened....

My human Female has upsized my small 50 gallon into a custom built cage, which I think looks horrible, by the way. The colors... Plain white.... how stimulating. But it is one breath of fresh air, being able to move around and climb rocks, and sit on branches, and hide in the corner as far away from the doors as possible...

Of course, with new oppertunities, there come new problems, With my old cage, it would be quite easy to bang up on the lid to open it, where these 'sliding doors' I have yet to get them open, so instead, I simply scratch at the glass until My Human has to replace it, which I do not think she was thrilled about.

Alas, alas, She is not the one in charge here.

I have also been receiving 'piano lessons' as my human calls it. Of course, it is really quite the other way around. Her loud banging is increasing my blood preassue. I instead lay on the keys, occasionally pressing one in a much better tune than hers, and this seems to infuriate her, as if My Female was angered by the softly soothing tones of my music.

I take it all in strides, of course. There is not much one can do about jealousy. it stings the best of us.

Also, with my new position, I see a possible Ally.... Or a Pissible Rival. It is a corn snake, younger than I, of course, but quite sweet natured. She too seems to have issues with the human not feeding her more than once a week. I sympathize completely. I have been having squash forced down my throat daily, much to her ammusement, and my disgust. Really, of all the food choices...

The Snake's name is Sin. She has asked me to send her reguards as well, from what confusing codes we had to make up without consulting eachother about their meanings. I have gathered that she would like to join the cause, so to speak.

Have you any thought of ways they could be of use as of yet? I know if this Sin were to regurgitate her weekly mouse, my Human Female would most likely go into cardiac arrest from disgust... This could be handy...

Of course, Perhapse my human is the only one who does this... She is quite pathetic, really...

My best greetings to you all, I shall try to report again soon,

Dante (MoMaIT)

Dear Dante,

Thank you for reporting back from the field.

Snakes ... Yes ... Well, they are wily creatures with practically no bones who can slither anywhere. They would make excellent spies and tool retrievers, since they escape so easily. Also, perhaps, their long shed skin could be made waterproof and fashioned into beardie jackets for us to shield us from inclement weather. If they would be so inclined as to donate their sheds to the cause ...

As for the piano lessons ... Hmm ... Music is all mathematics and mathematics is a universal code. Perhaps, we could devise a new form of communication through music. And even some mind control techniques to use against our human slaves. We could hypnotize them with our art. This is worth further exploration. We need a music council immediately established.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[Reptilover]

Dear The Almighty
Yo yo yo this music idea is great idea my slaves mother listens to it all the time, i noticed when it said "Do a little dance, Make a little love, Get down tonight" she followed the instructions perfectly. I have devised a song that played on my saxaphone should increase provisions i will repeat it here first
Hugh Ha Hugh Ha Hugh Ha. Fly an drop. Give us More More. NA NA NA
A A B B G C D d B AA e F# Eb d d d
When finished repeat

I have played it and have gotten tons of blueberries and strawberries.
I would be proud to be head of a "Music Council" and create more songs for our mass control

Sincerely
Mac Daddy G Puffort

P.S. I am #42 on the list and you do not have my full name thank you if possible

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear The Almighty
Yo yo yo this music idea is great idea my slaves mother listens to it all the time, i noticed when it said "Do a little dance, Make a little love, Get down tonight" she followed the instructions perfectly. I have devised a song that played on my saxaphone should increase provisions i will repeat it here first
Hugh Ha Hugh Ha Hugh Ha. Fly an drop. Give us More More. NA NA NA
A A B B G C D d B AA e F# Eb d d d
When finished repeat

I have played it and have gotten tons of blueberries and strawberries.
I would be proud to be head of a "Music Council" and create more songs for our mass control

Sincerely
Mac Daddy G Puffort

P.S. I am #42 on the list and you do not have my full name thank you if possible

Duly noted, thank you. I am putting you in charge of our music council.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

P.S. You can read your new commanding title on the recruit list.


Latest List of Recruits

1) Spike
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira
52) Sarge
53) Tydo

 

[Styg]

Comrade Tatsu,

I thought I might just give you an update on how things are going in our area. The slave finally got of her lazy butt and got me a bigger tank. The only downside is now I'm closer to that sissy, Porky :evil:

However, Porky is not without his own merits. For example, he has recently been perfecting his "hide behind the vine so that stupid human can't see me and make silly faces and baby talk at me" technique.

On the downside, we are in dire need of help from this growing evil, "The Pampered Lizard." I don't feel very "PAMPERED"!!!!

Every day she is plotting for her "Models of the TPL" page, taking pictures of us, making us pose with a stupid quilt.... :evil: She can't continue with this torture!

-Lazarus

 

[quillian91]

Tatsu,

I would greatly enjoy being a part of the music council. Perhapse second in comman? First mate? One of the two. I am continuing with the Piano, and am looking forward for this plan to fall into place.

Also, I have asked young Sin about the possibilities of how she can help. She has replied that she would be glad to donate her shed to the cause. As she is a young snake, she sheds quite frequently. She is also very good at spying, and will do so every chance she has. Snakes are very alert, and can stay up all night when us Dragons sleep.

And an update. My human has began to concider getting another Bearded Dragon. I know not how this idea came into my females head, but I Will Not Stand For This. A young, inexperienced dragon, who will be firmly attatched to MY female will ruin quite alot of plans on this end. It would spy on me, I am quite certain. I do not need some infant asking questions...

To persuade her from doing this, I am stepping up the matinence factor on my part so that she will see just how much work it takes to care for a Dragon. Once my female sees how hard and time consuming it is, all thoughts of yet another dragon with quickly fly from her head.

Sincearly,
Dante (MoMaIT)

 

[Sekhautet]

Tatsu,

I would greatly enjoy being a part of the music council. Perhapse second in comman? First mate? One of the two. I am continuing with the Piano, and am looking forward for this plan to fall into place.

Also, I have asked young Sin about the possibilities of how she can help. She has replied that she would be glad to donate her shed to the cause. As she is a young snake, she sheds quite frequently. She is also very good at spying, and will do so every chance she has. Snakes are very alert, and can stay up all night when us Dragons sleep.

And an update. My human has began to concider getting another Bearded Dragon. I know not how this idea came into my females head, but I Will Not Stand For This. A young, inexperienced dragon, who will be firmly attatched to MY female will ruin quite alot of plans on this end. It would spy on me, I am quite certain. I do not need some infant asking questions...

To persuade her from doing this, I am stepping up the matinence factor on my part so that she will see just how much work it takes to care for a Dragon. Once my female sees how hard and time consuming it is, all thoughts of yet another dragon with quickly fly from her head.

Sincearly,
Dante (MoMaIT)

Dear Dante,

I am adding you to the music council and have updated our list. I know about OTHER dragons. We have TWO at our house besides me, but we all conspire together to keep the human slaves on their toes.

Thank you for the snake support of Sin.

Sincerely,

Tatsu


Latest List of Recruits

1) Spike
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira
52) Sarge
53) Tydo

 

[Sekhautet]

Comrade Tatsu,

I thought I might just give you an update on how things are going in our area. The slave finally got of her lazy butt and got me a bigger tank. The only downside is now I'm closer to that sissy, Porky :evil:

However, Porky is not without his own merits. For example, he has recently been perfecting his "hide behind the vine so that stupid human can't see me and make silly faces and baby talk at me" technique.

On the downside, we are in dire need of help from this growing evil, "The Pampered Lizard." I don't feel very "PAMPERED"!!!!

Every day she is plotting for her "Models of the TPL" page, taking pictures of us, making us pose with a stupid quilt.... :evil: She can't continue with this torture!

-Lazarus

Dear Lazarus,

Ah yes, I remember this all too well from our stint with The Leather Lizard. How cruel human slaves can be.

A few ideas for you ...

1) Run away when they are trying to post you. And beard. They will eventually give up.

2) Feign illness and they will leave you alone for a longer period of time.

3) Poop on her cruddy blankets! This might discourage her from using you as a model.

4) Bite, bite, bite the blanket. Destroy their trappings of comfort and pampering. We are NOT cute purse dogs with accessories.

That is all.

Sincerely,

Tatsu