Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[Goonie]

Thor,

Make sure you poop on the very first blanket she makes you model on, and continue to do so with each and every blanket.

That'll make her stop using you and your brothers as her business accessories. Oh, the shame of it all.

Oscar

 

[venom14]

Dear Sarge,

Certainly, you may join. We're always looking for new beardie recruits and it sounds like you have some combat skills that would be beneficial for our army. I understand about mid-day naps being interrupted. My human slave plucks me out of bed for water torture as well.

Do you specialize in grappling skills or target practice? We have one beardie with grappling skill experience.

If you talk to Izzie, there will be some strawberries coming. A bushel per beardie to boost morale.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

I can climb the 2 bricks in my cage easy if my human would give me more I could practice and become better! My target skills are pretty good if I do say so myself.
-Sarge

 

[spike who bites]

Dear Beloved Tatsu

I, The young El Diablo, Satan himself, WOULD love to "destroy all humans"..

I got the phrase from the so called x-box game "Destroy All Humans", that my filthy human slave has been tinkering around with with this blue thing he holds in his hands to control the "game" with.

I have had my hard times and my good times with my slaves. BUT, the time has come for them to be destroyed! :twisted:
When my slaves "grandparents" where at my slaves "house" and sleeping in the so called "room" where my "house" is in, i had no light, for those ignorent old rinkly needed there beauty sleep, So they kept turning the little timer back so my light would turn off again and i would start to grow dark in color... PFFT like they had any beauty anyway! My Food is tight, so for now i would be honored to join on your side, and love to be a spy!
Since my owner likes these humungus fish called "sharks" i think we should try to put a mind controll chip in there small and puny brain to scare every human out of the waters!
The cats are also a god allie at this "house" for we have a fat cat and a bobcat and a moody cat! which would love to help! for the humans put 3 balls for a game called "golf" in there food so it is hard for them to eat!:twisted:


TO WORLD DOMINATION! :twisted: :twisted:

For the pictures of me it will be hard to find for i have not seen a "camera" anywear and am thinking that the humans have none!

 

[Sekhautet]

:evil: Does anybody understand the torture my "brothers" and I are about to be put through, modeling the TPL?!?!

WE NEED HELP!!! She must be stopped!!

-Thor

Dear Thor,

Yes, yes, I do. I understand your plight. Mike and I went through that ourselves with The Leather Lizard and harness modeling. We were evern woken up at 11Pm at night, after lights out. The sleep deprivation technique ... how cruel ...

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Young El Diablo,

I have entered you on the roster under this code name, as I am assuming from your human slave's avatar that you are called "Spike." We have a number of poor dragons on this site who have suffered that name in silence and then spoken out too. It seems a common dragon name that human slaves attach to our fierceness, but I think it is another form of control.

Sincerely,

Tatsu


Latest List of Recruits

1) Spike
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry
41) Draco
42) Puff
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira
52) Sarge
53) the young El Diablo

 

[Tiamat4]

Dear Tastu,

I am sorry that it has taken a while for me to respond, the human slave was too busy throughly cleaning out all of our tanks and replacing the sand in mine with tile....sigh. I am going to miss digging.

I got your orders and will go to work right away about the gas and library cards. The human slaves stepchildren will be arriving tomorrow and I overheard her mentioning to her mate that she is taking them to the library afterward. Maybe if I act all cute and try to climb out when she grabs her purse she will take me. She usually gets gas once a week also and I think that will be occurring tomorrow because she has not mentioned that she filled up the tank all week to her mate. So this may be a very special run tomorrow- 2 birds with one stone so to speak.

I have discovered from my adventures to Costco and Sam's club the other day that they have TONS of strawberries. I think enough for a box and a 1/2 for each beardie here in our army. I will need help though to commender it. I will have my three brothers help but if anyone else can that would be greatly appreciated. Now time too look cute, the human slave is coming and she seems to be in a good mood. Can not let her see me at her lap top. She will get suspicious.

Back to spying!

Over and out,

Sunny

 

[spike who bites]

Dear Tatsu,

my name is not "Spike" that was my slaves last victim that died around 6 months ago from cruel torture My name is El Diablo, Diablo for short, trust me i can be a little devil! :twisted:

R.I.P Spike.


To world domination! :twisted: :twisted:

 

[brittany]

Dear Diablo,

There is no need to be so fiesty! Simmer down! You can quickly and easily turn us all against you for being rude to our leader. How dare you think you can. It was a mere misunderstanding, which hopefully you can see where the assumption would be made. We want to have ruling the world, not dealing with immature imbasles.....

Best Regaurds,
Kira

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Tatsu,

my name is not "Spike" that was my slaves last victim that died around 6 months ago from cruel torture My name is El Diablo, Diablo for short, trust me i can be a little devil! :twisted:

R.I.P Spike.


To world domination! :twisted: :twisted:

My apologies to you, Mr. El Diablo. I did put you down on the roster under the correct name, though.

I hope you can be a little devil. We need more for our cause.

Tatsu

 

[natalie2912]

Dear Tatsu, our great leader,

It has been several months since I last wrote to you. Since then, I have been cruelly transported some 120 miles in a small, dark SHOE box to live with my slave at her parents house. Needless to say I did NOT enjoy the experience, and you will all be proud to hear I punished all those responsible by making a GIANT dump in the box-prison. The smell was horrible by the end of the journey, but I am willing to endure considerable suffering to fight back against our oppressors.

It is unfortunate that they have taken away my once beloved crickets and replaced them with super worms. I admit the worms are rather tasty, but I took such great pleasure in the misery those crickets caused my oppressors with their constant chirping keeping them awake at night. I have, however, put on considerable weight, so much that my slave calls me 'fat lizard' now - I weigh well in excess of 550 grams and my claws are super sharp because I won't let her clip them.

I can now jump well in excess of two whole feet, and the fact that she often leaves the computer on while she is out of the room and lets me wander freely means I have had considerable time to browse the internet at my leisure. Alas the slave found her credit card and took it away from me so I can no longer buy supplies for our great cause. However I have found that knowledge can be much more valuable, I have been researching religions on wikipedia, and I think that if we could start our own religion and make all humans worship us, we could become fully in control of our oppressors, and then the world! What do you think?

Yours in great admiration,

Faeor

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Tatsu, our great leader,

It has been several months since I last wrote to you. Since then, I have been cruelly transported some 120 miles in a small, dark SHOE box to live with my slave at her parents house. Needless to say I did NOT enjoy the experience, and you will all be proud to hear I punished all those responsible by making a GIANT dump in the box-prison. The smell was horrible by the end of the journey, but I am willing to endure considerable suffering to fight back against our oppressors.

It is unfortunate that they have taken away my once beloved crickets and replaced them with super worms. I admit the worms are rather tasty, but I took such great pleasure in the misery those crickets caused my oppressors with their constant chirping keeping them awake at night. I have, however, put on considerable weight, so much that my slave calls me 'fat lizard' now - I weigh well in excess of 550 grams and my claws are super sharp because I won't let her clip them.

I can now jump well in excess of two whole feet, and the fact that she often leaves the computer on while she is out of the room and lets me wander freely means I have had considerable time to browse the internet at my leisure. Alas the slave found her credit card and took it away from me so I can no longer buy supplies for our great cause. However I have found that knowledge can be much more valuable, I have been researching religions on wikipedia, and I think that if we could start our own religion and make all humans worship us, we could become fully in control of our oppressors, and then the world! What do you think?

Yours in great admiration,

Faeor

I think a new religion would be great. We could call ours Beardianity. The worship of beardies. As it should be. They will feel the wrath of our tails and bow to our scales.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[spike who bites]

Dear Tatsu, and Kira

My greatest appolagies on my behavior. I wish not to destroy our plans, and wish nothing more to serve my leader to world domination!

The new religion sounds great, and i will follow in the footsteps of my leader and my elders (and just about every body else that is more important then me)

 

[natalie2912]

Tatsu,

After an evening of careful study and deep thought, I have come up with this as the starting point for our new religion.

The 10 imperatives of Beardianity

1. There is NO greater creature than the beardie

2. All humans shall WORSHIP and SERVE their beardies with humble respect and love

3. ALL other creatures are inferior to the beardie, and shall be made to bow down to our magnificent scales, or feel the wrath of our tales and claws, especially cats

4. All lesser creatures will serve their beardies daily with mountains of insects, fruits, and only the freshest green leaves

5. All beardies shall be bathed in warm water at least weekly, and wrapped in a warm towel afterwards

6. Beardies shall not be subject to cruelties such as modelling of clothes and blankets, nor shall you EVER awaken a beardie from his nap (especially for these purposes)

7. No creature shall think themselves superior to, or smarter than the beardie, for they are clearly NOT

8. Beardies will be given free run of the house and unlimited access to computers, credit cards and anything else they want

9. All humans will love their beardie so much that they spend most of their time and money on the best food, bigger enclosures, new furnishings for them and trips to the vet

10. All beardies are equal, except Tatsu who is our great and respected leader who will lead us to freedom and WORLD DOMINATION!

Please tell me what you think

Faeor

 

[Goonie]

Faeor,

You nailed it. However, you did forget the part about how we should be given vast amounts of sunshine so we may display our best colors to our potential mates.

9. All humans will love their beardie so much that they spend most of their time and money on the best food, bigger enclosures, new furnishings for them and trips to the vet

Also, the above should be changed to read (changes in bold):

9. All humans will love their beardie so much that they'd spend all of their time and money on the best food, best and biggest enclosures, new furnishings on a yearly basis, and trips to the vet to ensure good health.

Oscar

 

[Sekhautet]

*Tatsu nods his head approvingly*

I like the commanments of Beardianity. 8)