Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[SLUphilosopher]

Most Honorable Tatsu,

It is I, Kaiju. I have finally managed to escape my glass prison as the humans were foolish enough to let me wander in the presence of the one they call "Red." My glass dancing was but a ploy to access the secret computer lab underneath my tank in the fake fireplace.

I immediately ran to contact you and send you an update from the Midwest. Humans here are constantly complaining about the temperatures. It appears my Climate Control invention has succeeded. I've been raising the temperature in St. Louis since my arrival and the 100 degree heat wave is taking its' toll on my humans, thus making it easier for our mission to succeed. I have but merely to conquer the "Air Conditioner" and then my operation will be a success for all Dragon-kind.

I humbly request to join your army. I do not know when I will be able to respond next, but trust that I am always ready.

Yours in honor,
怪ç

 

[Sekhautet]

Most Honorable Tatsu,

It is I, Kaiju. I have finally managed to escape my glass prison as the humans were foolish enough to let me wander in the presence of the one they call "Red." My glass dancing was but a ploy to access the secret computer lab underneath my tank in the fake fireplace.

I immediately ran to contact you and send you an update from the Midwest. Humans here are constantly complaining about the temperatures. It appears my Climate Control invention has succeeded. I've been raising the temperature in St. Louis since my arrival and the 100 degree heat wave is taking its' toll on my humans, thus making it easier for our mission to succeed. I have but merely to conquer the "Air Conditioner" and then my operation will be a success for all Dragon-kind.

I humbly request to join your army. I do not know when I will be able to respond next, but trust that I am always ready.

Yours in honor,
怪ç

Dear Kaiju,

I am adding your name to our list of recruits. Good work!

Sincerely,

Tatsu

Latest List of Recruits

1) Spike
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju

 

[mom2twinboysx2]

Dear Aztec

I am not going to join in your revolt. My human feeds me whenever i am hungry puts a blankie on me when im cold and takes me outside to run around 2 times a day, She also cleans my house. She lets me sleep whenever I want and tucks me in every night. I tried to escape once and she held me and kissed me and put me back in my home. I am obviously loved. Just like the other girls here I am not joining your world domination takeover.

Sincerely
Puff the Magic Dragon
AKA: Puffy
Laugh at the name and I might take one of your toes off.

 

[Sekhautet]

Attn. Troops:

I have just been informed of another dragon, a young hatchling named "Tatsu." NOT to be confused with myself.

Just wanted to give everyone the head's up and let you all know that this beardie will NOT be receiving any special treatment from me, even though he's chosen my given birth name.

I will treat him with the same respect that I treat all of you.

I value all my hard-working members of our cause.

In World Domination, Spreading Reptile Freedom Everywhere,

Tatsu

P.S. Oh, it would be nice if he could join our cause, though. Because then, we could really confuse the humans. It would be like Parent Trap all over again. Except ... wait ... I didn't see that he had my yellow eye markings, so we might have to work on that. :wink:

 

[jennybud]

honorable tatsu,

i have come to join in the great mission of world domination. I am young but willing and as soon as i reach the 400g mark i will report for my boot camp but until then i will reign terror on my humans. But i must be quick as my male human is due to return form work soon and the female is telling me it is past my bed time. she keeps waving that silly yellow blanket she wants me to sleep on and saying how it brings out my color.

already i have forced them to my will. though last week they bought me crickest that were nearly pinhead sized. i showed them by eating all five dozen in one day! now i have forced them to by a whole thousand which i'm planning to eat all in the next week.

Then they had the nerve to buy me pellets! Pellets i tell you. i have responded by not even going near my salad bowl. I am leading a strike on that dish until said pellets are removed and never seen again. i am hoping it will be soon because the strawberry is looking rather tempting.

on other fronts i have attempted to deficate on the male but my aim is still not what it should be. i only got the blankets but now they only have one to sleep on until they go to the laundry mat place to clean the spoiled goods.

I also am forced to be called by two different sexes. the female insists that i am male and calls me a he, while the male thinks i am a female and calls me she. but they will soon see. i will make my gender known when i am fit and ready for them to know.

I must finish quickly because i belive my male slave has returned from work and now must comsume enough food that he needs to spend his entire check to replace the large quantities they have already provided. I must also get ahold of a newspaper so i can find my own job to pay my room and board furthering my attempts and freedom. I hear the human slaves talking about how they have jobs to provide for their home and food and not having to depend on there parents and have decided to try for my self though i'm not sure what qualifications i have. I know typing will be on the list but i don't know if world domination is a hobby or life career i will have to decide soon.

OH NO! she's coming with my blanket i must leave now

Newest recruit in Tatsu's army

Bindi

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Bindi,

I have added your name to our list of recruits. It looks like you are on the right track. Right now, I recommend getting cable and watching National Geographic's specials and The History Channel. Particularly, Lost Worlds on The History Channel. It is good to repeat good things in history and forget the bad moments.

If you are looking for work, might I suggest telemarketing? You can do it from the comfort of your own tank and you can highjack your human slave's phone while they are at work. One less business expense, more profit for you.

Sincerely,

Tatsu


Latest List of Recruits

1) Spike
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi

 

[brittany]

Dear recruits,

I am pleased to inform you that I have healed and am strong again. This has worked in our favor as I come bearing strawberries and an extra for Tatsu. Enjoy.

Kira

 

[Reptilover]

Dear fellow beardies
Tatsu it is with the most humble asking that we make our move
We have ben plotting for months watching History and the Discovery channel making laser out of raw materials, mastering the ancient arets i say we strine within the next week, I have made and alliance in their Family A dog named bruno he has humbly agreed to help us he has already started getting us supplies, he is excellent at the chubby chubby chipmunk technique he can stuff any amount of stuff in his jaws, and he does this all for half a dog biscuit. alas I know what we must do, i have been watching the news lately, and learned a crucial part of information, the humans dislike a person named "Bush" (not to be confused with a bushel of berries) instead of a hotile takeover we could, use our jedi mind tricks, and make him resign. MuHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA we could rule the United States in aa matter of Days and from there we could simply take over the other world leaders.

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear fellow beardies
Tatsu it is with the most humble asking that we make our move
We have ben plotting for months watching History and the Discovery channel making laser out of raw materials, mastering the ancient arets i say we strine within the next week, I have made and alliance in their Family A dog named bruno he has humbly agreed to help us he has already started getting us supplies, he is excellent at the chubby chubby chipmunk technique he can stuff any amount of stuff in his jaws, and he does this all for half a dog biscuit. alas I know what we must do, i have been watching the news lately, and learned a crucial part of information, the humans dislike a person named "Bush" (not to be confused with a bushel of berries) instead of a hotile takeover we could, use our jedi mind tricks, and make him resign. MuHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA we could rule the United States in aa matter of Days and from there we could simply take over the other world leaders.

Dear Puff,

While agree that we seem to have been planning for months, I humbly disagree that taking over the Presidency is in our best interest. I think we should start smaller, with places like PetCo and PetSmart where animals are sold into slavery and take over these places. We would make more of a difference and gain more followers in this way. Our army needs to continue to grow and we need to spread the word on a larger scale outside the U.S. While we have some foreign members, our support outside the U.S. is sorely lacking. We need to work on recruiting from other countries.

And perhaps, we should plan to move on PetCo and PetSmart. At least one before the end of the year. Reptile freedom is very important.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[jennybud]

almighty tatsu

i have dedicated much of my allowed computer time to reading all the plans for world domination but it has occured to me that many of our army have code names and have been thinking long and hard on mine.

the human slave has been reading a large number of books recently called harry potter. The slave oftens leaves them lying about where i can read them also. As it turns out it is a magic book. a story about young humans learning magic. I therfor have decided to study these harry potter books in order to learn magic to use against our humans. many of the spells would be very useful. one can float objects around, could be good for floating yummy food to our cages while the humans feed us nothing but salad.

I have yet to try any of these spells as to the fact that i do not own a wand. But the human has foolishly left a large piece of driftwood in my cage and am using my claws to wittle it down into an acceptable wand. once i do i will begin learning and instructing other bearded dragons in the use of magic. Therfor i wish for my code name to be hogwarts corespondant.

and as a side note, my human slave only has basic cable. a measle 23 channels but i have discovered they also have on demand tv that includes the history channel, the discovery channel, Anamil planet, and many other useful networks. Though i must say i do enjoy the food network. as soon as we over throw the humans i will become the first Beardie Chief and try the wonderful food my humans tell me are not good for beardies. I am sure they are lying in order to keep it all for themselves.

sincerly

Bindi the Hogwarts Correspondant.

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Bindi,

I have added your code name to the list. Also, I have put you in charge of The Potter Magic Council. I think this is a wonderful endeavor and a good use of resources. Please keep us informed of your magic lessons.

I agree too that the food network should allow beardies as chefs.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

Latest List of Recruits

1) Spike
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)

 

[athenacp]

Most Honorable Tatsu:

I humbly apologize for not writing sooner, the human slaves have completely turned my world upside down!!!! They moved from the one-bedroom apartment and are renting a 2 bedroom townhome; the female thinks its better because the rent is cheaper and there is more storage. HAH! I hae been working on the human male and he hates the place and in his hate he found my stash of butterworms :shock: Therefore I am busy exploring this new hellhole to see where I can move the rest of my stash.

Presently the list that I have is this:
50,000 superworms
10,000 hornworms
1,000 silkworms (these are getting harder and harder to find)
100,000 crickets of small size for now
20 small refriderators mounted on hovermotors stocked with water, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, butternut squash and greens (the greens were a special request, privacy will not let me devulge the name however this dragon loves greens)You only need one claw to move these from place to place and I have discovered how to make them compact or larger, I have learned from watching the movie "Honey, I Shrunk The Kids"
300 ladders crocheted in various colors
100 M16's :twisted:
5 invisibility shields (the female works at a secret location, I have been to her job and procured these)
100 I-Phones all loaded and encrypted (don't ask)

I am working on a teleport system, I have seen Star Trek, The Next Generation and as soon as I get the one item I need, we may be able to teleport enmass, however trying to find a volunteer after the 5 other "volunteers" splattered is a little hard

That is all I have time for to write right now, I must apologize again, I have just gotten home from the vet and I am a little exhausted from all the prodding and bearding

Digger the Scrounger

 

[Sekhautet]

Good work, Scrounger. I think after the teleporting machine is perfected, we hit PetSmart. That is our first large order of business. It sounds like we have a good supply of items.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[Styg]

Dear Tatsu,

I also think we need a support group for submissive males. Just because I don't headbob, and I like classical music and frilly pillows, my brothers and my slave/owner think I'm...you know... "funny." My slave/owner even refers to me as her gay best friend. We sensitive beardies should'nt have to endure such humiliation! Just because we're in touch with our feminine sides! I thought that was what female beardies wanted.... We should find a therapist to work with us. My self-esteem is really low.

-Porky, Master of Head Stuck in Places Techniques, writing from between two rocks while waiting for someone to extract me.

 

[tg_spike]

All mighty Tatsu :notworthy: :notworthy:

I give my dearest apologies for not writing for so long my slave, has gone and bought a new cage. it has a new lock, the keys a hard but watching godzilla (Japanese one) and are learning a lot :twisted:.
Firstly i feel we should be teach every one ESP from godzilla. A telepathic power which allows us too control other animals, read mines, speak telepathicly and lift objects. Also I have learnt how we can make a doomsday device. Have you ever heard of the oxygen destroyer it killed the first godzilla (horrible ) well as it is name says it destroys the oxygen. If we use as a weapon it would be worser than any nuculer weapon , aslo we can micro size the oxygen atoms and create micro-oxygen it can make small oxygen tanks, make fish (crickets and other food sources) grow extreamly big so we could solve are food probleams so too fuel the army, and it can be made into a weapon capable of cutting though metal. thease would help us in a conquest to take over the world. And from godzilla I am creating a signal to Nebular 10 which hidden withing jupiters orbit, so too call gigan and king-ghidorah. perhaps we need use more technolgy move ahead in are project.

Your loyal servent Spike.