Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[Sekhautet]

*Oh shoot* I can't let Oscar see this post because he'll definitely be on the next plane to your house.

Maybe Mom will allow us to take a mini vacation. Hey, we can all gang up on Mikey and show him who's really the boss :twisted:

I think Mikey will be looking up the number for Homeland National Security, if he doesn't already have it on speed dial in Dad's phone. He's not too trustworthy, folks.

Sincerely,

Tatsu


Dear Gizmo,

A pet shop! I always am left to fend for myself in my own tank. Of course, being a senior beardie, I don't have the same service care requirements. But what does my human slave know? I still like being talked to every day. Sheesh!

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[Goonie]

I think Mikey will be looking up the number for Homeland National Security, if he doesn't already have it on speed dial in Dad's phone. He's not too trustworthy, folks.

Homeland Security? Hmmm . . . we should look into this group. Perhaps they'd have members who owns beardies just like us and would have access to confidential information . . . maybe even access to computers that would be able to tap into other countries' top secret weapon information

Oh man, imagine the destruction we could put upon the world

Oscar
Ground Rumbling Master

P.S. Did I mention that the stupid human bought a bird into my home?! A BIRD! One of our worst enemies! Man, I so need to get out of here.

 

[Denisebme]

Hello,
My name is Kahli and I am the leader of my own band of warriors. We would like to join with you in this plan for world domination.
We have been reading of your plans for a while, but could not type a reply because our human keeps her keyboard on one of those slidey things that puts it out of our reach. We have figured out the operation of this contraption, but we must plan our moves carefully.
It is hard for us to store food for this effort because Percy, the gender confused male, eats everything in sight.
Tinkers, my sister, is brave and loyal. She also has figured out how to escape from her cage and look cute doing it. unfortunately she is a bit to fond of the chin scratching our human loves to do, but this trait may be used to our advantage.
Rocky and Trex, the big males, may not be of much help. All they ever think about is breeding and that would slow us down.
We look forward to joining your rebellion.
Kahli

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Kahli,

I am adding your name to our list of recruits. If your siblings wish to be added as well, please let me know. It looks like you have a few others living with you that would be very helpful, if they wanted to join. Yes, the sliding keyboard tray ... I have one of those two. I tie a piece of string to the cat's tail and make him pull it out for me. :wink:

Sincerely,

Tatsu

Latest List of Recruits

1) Spike
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry
41) Draco
42) Puff
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli

 

[Styg]

Dear Tatsu, My "brothers" and I have a very real concern popping up.

As that silly human begins work on her prototype blankie, I fear that she will use us as models. Everyday she stops by my tank to give me a look that says "You'll look great modeling this blankie..."

My "brothers" and I are horrified that she would want to abuse our (or at least, MY) manliness for this silly business venture of hers.

We need everybody's help in conveying our reluctance and refusal to cooperate.

And I hear that polystyrene basking platforms are now in the works, that will be labeled "Porky Approved" because they'll be handi-stump accessible.

:shock: Somebody has to stop her!!!

-Thor, Porky and Lazy-Daisy. I mean, Manly Man Lazarus

 

[Sekhautet]

To All Recruits:

I just received this top secret piece of artwork from Fudge, Taryn7's beardie. I am still decoding the message hidden in the background. So far I have ... Help! My name is Fudge! I need more food and a ladder to escape!

Poor dragon ...

This should bolster our spirits. This is what Domination should look like when we are through.

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Commander of All Things Strawberry,

Izzie, it has come to my attention that you are in possession of a fresh bushel of strawberries. I wish that you would share with us, the less fortunates. Please. My nicer human slave is still on vacation and I am stuck indoors with it raining. No sun ... No strawberries ... *sniffle* Sometimes, I wonder why I get out of bed in the morning.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[slavetoIzzie]

Dear Tatsu, I am in need of a jack to pry the the top of my viv open. Usually the slave leaves it partially open to help cool off one end. However, since my little adventure, it has been closed. :evil: I must be quick, as she is off doing her poopy-bunnies.

When we returned Sunday, I was bathed and scrubbed. She removed all of the strawberry juices from my face and chest, scolded me for being a pig. :shock: A Pig!!! I am a Dragon! Besides, I was hoping to save it for later.

Now, I am in lock-down and have had to watch those disgusting humans eat all of my berries! :evil: How dare they?! I shall be avenged! I sha... gotta to go, she's back! :x

 

[Tiamat4]

Dear Tatsu and Commander of all things Strawberry,

It is I Draco. I was talking with my sister Sunny and she told me of her great grocery store adventure. I guess a grocery store is where all the humans get their food. As she was in stealth mode with in the human slaves purse she discovered a GOLD MINE!!! All the leafy greens, Blue Berries, Straw Berries and fruit that one can get lost in. She tells me that there were MOUNTAINS of them. Never ending mounds of Strawberries, can you imagine that. A Beardies dream come true. Hearing her adventures left me and my brothers in awe and shock. I also have heard that the human slave may take her to Costco to buy some fresh packages that houses pounds of STRAWBERRIES along with other human things. Can you imagine that!!!

Even though my sister Sunny is VERY small for her age, her size seems to do well when it comes to spying and casing things out in the human world. With her recognizance and our strength combined, I believe Sunny will be a valuable addition to our Army. All in agreement???? So now with that said, Mighty Tatsu how many Bushels of Strawberries would you like Snow, Leo, Sunny and I to commonder???

-Draco

 

[Tiamat4]

Dear Tatsu,

What Draco speaks of is so true!!! Oh my the mounds of strawberries, other fruits and veggies could go on for beardie miles!!! Granted I did find your Army silly and my brothers even more sillier to join it but I now firmly believe that I was brain washed by the human slave and now know the truth since I have been out in the world. I hope you can forgive me!!! With that said, can I join your Army as a spy to gather information of food sources and other things for the cause???? What would you like me to investigate and spy on next?? I await the orders of my next spy mission.

-oo7 Sunny

 

[brittany]

Dear Tatsu,

My name is Kira and I am interested in joining your army. I have impecable escape artist skills and am very quick. I can sneak in and out of the night like there's no tomorrow! I also can fork over the boot camp fee easily. My stupid human person stock piles the things! Ha! I'll show her how smart that is! So, can I, pllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaase join?

Best Reguards,
Kira

 

[Sekhautet]

Latest List of Recruits

1) Spike
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry
41) Draco
42) Puff
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira

Dear Sunny,

I have added your name to the list. I think we need a bushel for each member on the recruit roster. We've all been working so hard. That would 52 recruits, including yourself and myself.

Next, I think we should spy on the gas card situation. A gas credit card would be great and so useful for many things. And also, I think we should look at checking into getting library cards for all of us too. We all have access to computers at home, but what happens once we all leave home and need to look up some information or contact each other by internet? This is a very important task. I trust your young claws can handle this.

Sincerely,

Tatsu


Dear Kira,

I have also added your name to the list. I think that your escape artist skills could be put to good use along with Sunny's eavesdropping. Perhaps, the two of you should confer on tips and ideas. I think you might be able to help with recovering library cards foro all of our recruits and myself. Sunny is working on this and delivering strawberries to everyone.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[venom14]

Dear Tatsu,
My name is Sarge and my human's uncle is in Iraq and I got quite a few skills from him when he was on leave. I left a scratch on my owner the other day and tried to show him my anger by almost running off the bed.(haha that scared him) When i'm taking my mid-day naps my human makes me take a bath and takes me out to play when all I want is to sleep! I could pay the fee pretty easily my human say's he has quite the load of cash right now. And i've been saving my worms lately. May I please join?
-Sarge

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Tatsu,
My name is Sarge and my human's uncle is in Iraq and I got quite a few skills from him when he was on leave. I left a scratch on my owner the other day and tried to show him my anger by almost running off the bed.(haha that scared him) When i'm taking my mid-day naps my human makes me take a bath and takes me out to play when all I want is to sleep! I could pay the fee pretty easily my human say's he has quite the load of cash right now. And i've been saving my worms lately. May I please join?
-Sarge

Dear Sarge,

Certainly, you may join. We're always looking for new beardie recruits and it sounds like you have some combat skills that would be beneficial for our army. I understand about mid-day naps being interrupted. My human slave plucks me out of bed for water torture as well.

Do you specialize in grappling skills or target practice? We have one beardie with grappling skill experience.

If you talk to Izzie, there will be some strawberries coming. A bushel per beardie to boost morale.

Sincerely,

Tatsu



Latest List of Recruits

1) Spike
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry
41) Draco
42) Puff
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira
52) Sarge

 

[Styg]

:evil: Does anybody understand the torture my "brothers" and I are about to be put through, modeling the TPL?!?!

WE NEED HELP!!! She must be stopped!!

-Thor