Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[Sekhautet]

I regret to tell you that my hunger strike has ended

Fergison,

You have to be strong and stand your ground. Don't give up, ever.

My hunger strike is going strong - the only thing I've eaten for the past 3 or so months are supers. I snuffed all veggies and treats that my human gave me, even if Felix made it look soooo yummy.

I WILL NOT GIVE UP !!!

Oscar

We must remain a strong unified front, if we are ever to be taken seriously. But do not fret, Fergison. I understand the challenges of being a young beardie. Yoda says, "Try not. Do or do not." I think those are good inspirational words to live by.

Sincerely,

Tatsu (writing from World Domination Headquarters)

 

[twitterflix]

Almighty Tatsu

I have invited some minions to join the army for world domination and their plans are much farther along than ours acctually they have already started. My servent "owns" these creatures and they are some of the best fighters that i have ever seen. If your interested i will contact them.

Undercover in New York; Fergison

 

[Sekhautet]

Almighty Tatsu

I have invited some minions to join the army for world domination and their plans are much farther along than ours acctually they have already started. My servent "owns" these creatures and they are some of the best fighters that i have ever seen. If your interested i will contact them.

Undercover in New York; Fergison

Yes, yes, Fergison, please do invite them to join my minions. Our army is growing ... And soon, we will take over the world!

*cue cheesy Dick Tracy music*

 

[Goonie]

[I hope this communication is being received. Telepathic emailing is not as easy as I thought.]

Tatsu,

Since my brother Oscar felt the need to bad mouth me about how I don't truly want/need to join your army, I decided to prove him and everybody else wrong.

I've been in hiding since yesterday afternoon and my human slaves are worried sick not knowing my whereabouts. They've just about turned the house upside down looking for me. My mommy stayed up past midnight last night looking for me (sorry mommy, I still love you), and trying to think like me so she can figure out where I could possibly be.

Everyone thought that I'm just this little mush who doesn't have a mean bone in my body . . . well, how's this for being mean and bad? Over 24 hours of solitude and pain and suffering for all is pretty mean, huh? :twisted:

I overheard someone telling my mommy on the phone that she'll have to pull everything out of the bedroom closet and underneath the bed to see if I could be there (I just love to hide in their bedroom). I hope she doesn't because I really don't want to be found, at least not yet.

I hope to communicate with you soon. I have to be on the move now so they can't find me.

Felix

 

[twitterflix]

Almighty Tatsu

The creatures that i was refering to in my other note are chickens. I have spoken with them and they are willing but they DO NOT take orders from anyone but a fellow chicken. But i have managed to talk them into listening to your plan (they love it by the way). Their leader Bo will be contacting you soon.

Until the Red Moon Rises:
Tours Truly: Fergison

 

[FabGyrl]

Dearest most ferocious Tatsu! :notworthy:

First of all I bow to you! Together I am sure we will take over these blasted human beings one cage at a time. Here are a few lessons from me.
My pet seems to think I am stupid or something :roll: . When I came to her I was a little sick, BIG DEAL, right? These "so called" pinworms were inside my stomach? Yeah, I know! What the heck are those? She thinks I wasnt eating because of these "worms", but she just hasnt realised that I like being lazy! When she decided I was getting a little thin (excuse me for enjoying basking and NOT eating and OKAY maybe Im secretly trying for an image like that beardie on the jeep commercial ) she started shoving this plastic thing in my mouth. At first I thought it was a little insane till I noticed it tasted... well, good! Now I have her hooked! I WILL never have to eat on my own EVER AGAIN! She offers me "food" and I glare, head bob 3 times, thats right, EXACTLY THREE and turn my butt towards the food. Shes saying I had worms before, I dont get why she thinks I'm going to eat them now? ANYWAYS dearest Tatsu, I have come to great knowledge with this plastic thing :idea: !! Due to the liquid like matter that goes into my body, my poo then becomes liquid in turn! Its a great way to get her back for baths and loud music while im trying to sleep and also for when she turns off my light WITHOUT holding me first :shock:. When I poo I get my tail in it and then she picks me up and then... :twisted: ...I turn my tail into a propellor and my poop goes all over the place! Isnt that the most fantastic thing you have ever heard of? (I know brother, I am a frikken genius)! THEN she has to pay attention to me AND clean my cage! :whip: I ALMOST had her fooled with the whole starvation thing, but unfortunatly she caught me the other day eating food off of the floor that her children had left for me (Ive spoken with then and they have agreed to make her suffer) ! She thought she had it all figured out then and tryed putting ANOTHER worm and some icky looking green crap right on the floor! She ACTUALLY thought I'd eat it? HA! I head bobbed right at that worm and then at her! Silly pet! Anyways what more can I really say right now? If I think of more I will let you know...
I HAVE tried to get Vespa to see that he needs to join your incredible army but he just doesnt understand. When ever my pet takes me out of my castle I try in desperation to alert him but the nerve he has! Blackbeards and headbobs! Sometimes he bobs so violently he falls of his perch :laughing6: AND this is HER protector! HA! Seems a little unintelligent to me....
Well dear frind, I leave you with my application set before you in hopes you will accept me as a possible recruit for your largely developing army? I have seen your bio at your pets lizard harness place and admit I am largly impressed with your accomplishments and trickery!
In light,
Sol
We WILL CAGE these BEASTS! rotest:

 

[Sekhautet]

1) Spike
2) Puff
3) Aztec
4) Fergison
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
8) Scamps
9) Felix
10) Oscar
11) Izzie
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) New recruit Rand
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol

Special Honorary Mention goes to Felix: This is a highly effective tactic in breaking down your humans ... Kudos to you ... However, perhaps, telepathically you should send out signals to your owner to allow them to leave you some supers to snack on or something. No sense in ruining your good physique while you are AWOL from their prison.

Special Note to Fergison: Interesting that our greatest enemy, even greater than humans, birds would be willing to join in our plight. Perhaps, they are more than fluffy feathers after all. They might have some muster in them. We shall see ... I look forward to communicating with this Bo ...

Side Note: I have no idea why the smilie is appearing instead of the # 8 in my list ... LOL ... It's not there in my edit, so who knows. :lol:

 

[Goonie]

Special Honorary Mention goes to Felix: This is a highly effective tactic in breaking down your humans ... Kudos to you ... However, perhaps, telepathically you should send out signals to your owner to allow them to leave you some supers to snack on or something. No sense in ruining your good physique while you are AWOL from their prison.

Tatsu,

Thanks. I tried so hard to be a toughy and on my own, but it's much harder than I thought. I'm not sure if I'm truly up for the task

I do have to say, however, that Oscar was happy to see me. I believe he came to his senses and realized that he needs me around. How do I know this? Because he actually ate yesterday! He had two huge mouthfuls of collard greens! This was the first time he ate in over 3 months! I'm so proud of him.

The next time I plan on running away, I'll have to stash away some supers first. It won't be easy though because I just loooove the stuff, and it'll also be difficult to find a hiding spot that Oscar won't find.

Gotta go. I think mommy is checking the forum at work (getting an uneasy feeling in my belly).

Felix

 

[twitterflix]

Tatsu

I am Bo the almighty leader of the chickens and birds alike. We have already started the world domination. Firstly we infected our selfs with bird flu and then in turn infected the humans. Secondly, one word E Cole I
that i have recently learned can also be spred thru beardies to the dreaded HUMANS. Without hurting us to much of an extent. So without any more adu a give my allegence to you and your war cause.

To World Domination: Bo and minions

P.S there are 16 of us and 30 more down the road. We all have names but speak with one voice.

 

[Sekhautet]

Tatsu

I am Bo the almighty leader of the chickens and birds alike. We have already started the world domination. Firstly we infected our selfs with bird flu and then in turn infected the humans. Secondly, one word E Cole I
that i have recently learned can also be spred thru beardies to the dreaded HUMANS. Without hurting us to much of an extent. So without any more adu a give my allegence to you and your war cause.

To World Domination: Bo and minions

P.S there are 16 of us and 30 more down the road. We all have names but speak with one voice.

Interesting ... Yes, we have salmonella as our weapon, though we rarely are able to pass it on to the clever humans.

Bo ... Thank you for your support. Please let your army know that I am interested in cross-training. Perhaps, you chickens could serve as flight carriers for supplies for the troops, etc. And transportation. Provided of course, you do NOT eat lizards like some of your cousins. THAT is unacceptable behavior.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[twitterflix]

Tatsu

This is Bo again: we usually dont eat anything unless its dead already. flight service might a problem considering we can only fly a maxium of 10 ft but i have a solution... geese, they can fly great distences without stopping and are mighty fast. i am personal friends with 2 of them and im sure they would be willing to join. We must watch them very closly for they are known for their firey additues.

For bearies and beaks alike: Bo

 

[Sekhautet]

Tatsu

This is Bo again: we usually dont eat anything unless its dead already. flight service might a problem considering we can only fly a maxium of 10 ft but i have a solution... geese, they can fly great distences without stopping and are mighty fast. i am personal friends with 2 of them and im sure they would be willing to join. We must watch them very closly for they are known for their firey additues.

For bearies and beaks alike: Bo

Bo,

Geese are noisy ... Perhaps, they aren't our best solution. Do you know any silent birds that won't alert humans?

Tatsu

 

[twitterflix]

Almighty Tatsu

This is fergison: i regert to inform you that bo has died. There was an mutany in the chicken house and bo was the victim. My human servent even though is very bad in some spots .Has a very soft spot for animals in need. She brought bo in her own bath tub with warm hay and gave her water and food. im sure she was very comfortable when she died.

The chickens are out of the war now but i got in contact with the geese they dont have any voice boxes so (no noise) they are willing.


For the war: Fergison

 

[Sekhautet]

Almighty Tatsu

This is fergison: i regert to inform you that bo has died. There was an mutany in the chicken house and bo was the victim. My human servent even though is very bad in some spots .Has a very soft spot for animals in need. She brought bo in her own bath tub with warm hay and gave her water and food. im sure she was very comfortable when she died.

The chickens are out of the war now but i got in contact with the geese they dont have any voice boxes so (no noise) they are willing.


For the war: Fergison

*Tatsu writes* I send my scaly condelences to Bo's owner and fellow chicken army.

It is good that there are silent geese out there. Please tell them to pass the code of silence along to all their brethren. I like to sleep at 8AM when they are flying noisily over my bedroom. 8)

 

[twitterflix]

Almighty Tatsu

The note is passed on to the geese.


Fergison