Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[Sekhautet]

Tatsu,
Recruit numbers 79 and 170 here,
Our human is on vacation in Canada and we had to stay! He'll be gone for one more week and then i can have my slave back.
It seems that he is the slave to someother humans. (weird right?) They have been taking care of me and we (me and boog) have been trying to escape on the humans shirts but they put us back and say,"eat your worms"! I was outraged! So today boog bit my slaves master (the woman one) and i got her good! No blood this time but i'll sharpen my teeth for another round!

OUR VOICES WILL BE HEARD!!!!!

Sincerly,
Saphira and Boog,
Recruits 79 and 170.

OUT

My human slave is going on vacation next week. And I get to stay at home, as her co-conspirator in torture will be taking care of me by himself. He is not as easy to bite. He has thicker skin. I will have to devise some other plan to avoid having my mouth washed twice daily.

I'm off to plot ...

 

[Tatty]

Dear Tatsu:

My plan to help you take over the world is working. I have twenty young recruits emerging from their eggs today. They will infiltrate 20 more homes after the next six weeks and begin their mission. They are so cute and loveable that they will be able to make their human slaves do anything. If this isn't good enough, I have another batch of young soldiers due to arrive in August. What can I say! Bob and I will do anything for the cause.

Loyally yours,
Popcorn (The daring female spy)

 

[Kiron500111]

Dear Tatsu, and His Army:

I have suffered many indignities as well. I have finally had enough of this torture he puts me through! Tristin makes me hats, and forces me to wear them, so he and his friends can have a cheap laugh! He bathes me, then wraps me in his towel! I bit him on the finger when I felt he went too far! He pet my head, now what is that about? He disturbes my sleep constantly, and holds me. I try to escape, but he is too fast for me! He is in the other room, talking with another slave, to another Beardie. He doesn't know I'm out of my cage at this moment. I need help from you army, the hat-making has to stop! Oh master tatsu, teach me the ways of your deception, I want to learn! Oh no, I have to hurry, he has gotten off the phone. My human slave is coming, for another dreaded bath. But before I go, I have to tell you and the army something. He went away for a week, to longbeach Washington, and he had the nerve to leave me here! With his mother carrying out his routines. Dispicable! I hope, I can become a member of your army, and rise to the ranks of elite! I wish to be your evasion specialist, and ninja trainer, my human slave father thinks I'm lazy, he doesn't know I know 23 different martial arts...

P.S. I have left a secret message for you to decode, now, I must go, the slave is coming, Izzy, over and out.

 

[Flek]

Tatsu, my stupid slave has left a book on the tactics of war open :study: , and I have been reading intently to become a master tactition. Sincerely, Gryphon.

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Popcorn,

Good work! I need more recruits. My situation is getting desperate here in Texas. The human slaves are conspiring still to stick me with more needles and wash my mouth out. I HATE IT!


Dear Izzy,

I need help as well. Please send reinforcements to steal away all sharp implements from my human slaves.


Dear Gryphon,

I have two bookcases filled with books at my house, but none are useful. They are all fantasy and sci-fi and such. Perhaps, I could use one to build a time machine or something, but there are no suggestions for fighting strategies. You are lucky ...


Night to all,

Tatsu

 

[duke11]

Tatsu,

Just checking in. My human left this morning saying she'd feed me when she got home. I'm hungry!!!!! I want my hornworms! I'm still growing and researching new ways to torture me humans.

Duke

 

[Dragons of the Deep]

Tatsu,
My slave has caught me using the computer today. As a result, I am to be denied recess for today. Outrageous! Tatsu's army recruits- we must band together to fight for all that is soft and delicious. For bearded dragons everywhere! Uh oh . . . here she comes. Goodbye, brave soldiers!
PS- Hahaha . . . my slave is gonna finally get me a lady dragon! She's going to pick up the supplies later. I hope that she will be of help to our cause, and will train her in the art of Beardie-Fu ASAP. BWAH HA HA HA- the world will be ours!

 

[Raine407]

Lord Tatsu,
I am young, but I believe I could be of great use to your efforts. I've been here for three days, and I cannot take this indignity any longer. My new slave insists on bathing me every night, which I hate. I claw and I scratch and I try to get free, all to no avail. She simply refuses to let me do as I please. I wish to explore, to go where no lizard, or living being for that matter, has ever gone before (ie, under the slave's bed). She uses the excuse that she's afraid I'll get lost if she allows me to roam, because I am still only 13 inches long. I can climb and jump exceptionally well for one of my age, and I feel I would be of good use for spy efforts. My relatively small size allows me access to crevices dragons of a more noble stature would not be able to get into, and my climbing skills would allow me to hang from the ceiling (I've been practicing in my prison) and listen in on the slave's conversations without her ever suspecting. I sincerely hope you can find a good use for me.
Yours,
Loki

 

[qydyn]

Friends & Countymen!

I need to join this army! I tried to escape by a rope today! I swung and swung and then the slave just took me and removed me from the rope!! like pulling a lizard off a piece of hair! It was disgraceful!

It gets worse though. The rope I grabbed onto seemed to be strangely attached to the minislave! and just before I made my attempted departure the mini slave uttered sounds that I've heard before but never right next to my ear so I heard them clearly this time: The slave with the yellow thread from her head said: "mommy can I hold her?" and to my absolute horror the masterslave said "yes ok - but don't move suddenly and be very gentle" - HOW PATRONISING IS THAT!

And so I moved onto the hand that was remarkably smaller than the master's appendage, and then I kind of followed the path. I was tasting my environment all the way!! and then the ropes. I reached this funny spot on the minislave that was kind of shrouded with this thread that I mentioned earlier and I figured that this was my moment! i WAS SO CUNNING! I leapt for the the thread and I latched on - I was on my way! But then suddenly there came this booming sound! It sounded like the sounds they make but it wasn't actually - it was .... strange - it had a strange - feeling about it. It sounded like ha ha ha ha ha hah ahhahhh haaa hhaaa hhhaaa hhhahhaaa - and that was just the masterslave!!! The mini slave said hhhhheeeeeeehhaaaaahhheeeeeeeehhhaaaqaaaaa

Then I was viciously removed from the rope and the masterslave said "chemicals from shampoo could be dangerous" and then - and this is the worst thing - the worst because the masterslave does this to me daily!!! she squeexed the pinkish things under her nose together and then pressed them against me!! I'm so ashamed!! then she made another sound that went like this : "I love you little girl! mmmmmmmm!" Then she pressed the pink things on my tummy and emitted air very fast!! It made a strange a noise and tickled my tummy!!!!

Then I had to be subjected to very wet snivveling from a tiny dog that looks like a pig - but I think she's ok - I think she likes me - and not in the way that she might eat me or anything - I think she's a friend and maybe even an ally - should I get her to write?

Please help me Tsatsu! I fear there may be no hope!!!!

 

[Sekhautet]

To the dragon who didn't post their name,

I will add you to our list of recruits as soon as I hear your name.

Please welcome Loki to the fold.

And to Duke and everyone else who wrote, keep up your spirits and training. I will have more of an opportunity to post soon, as my human slave is going on vacation and leaving me alone for at least eight hours while her accomplice is at work.

Stay strong,

Tatsu

Tatsu's Recruits

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor/Foreign BD-Fu Dojo Coordinator)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Electrical specialist)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake (Blueberry Devil)
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry, who passed over The Rainbow Bridge in loyal service)
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily (Official Musk Mare Wrangler)
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Bella
63) Sparky
64) Dirk
65) Izzy
66) Chupes
67) Dameon (Master of BD-Fu and Coordinator of U.S. Dojos)
68) Agor (Dameon's Sidekick who has faithfully passed over The Rainbow Bridge in courageous duty)
69) Queenie
70) Cosmo
71) Colossus
72) Bootsie (Internet Coordinator)
73) Foster
74) Waffle
75) Spike (Zelda's Spike)
76) Harlee
77) Zelda
78) Daliz
79) Saphira (The School Headmaster)
80) Eragon
81) Sophia
82) Olivair
83) Curly (Master of the Head Bob)
84) Sweet Pea
85) Phebe
86) Boris
87) Frilly (the frilled dragon )
88) Rocky
89) Merlin
90) Sunny
91) Ahmed
92) Talon
93) Landon
94) Leah
95) Hallie
96) Swatke
97) Tryxi (Master of Tricks)
98) Spazz
99) Aprhodite (Master of Spies)
100) Phoenix (Escape Extraordinaire)
101) Ian
102) Phoenix
103)Juno
104) Beardie (Communications Expert)
105) Duke (Tactical Officer/Secret Agent)
106) Dunklezahn (The Pet Rock With Legs/Force Recon:Spotter/Scout)
107) Dante
108) Randal
109) Puff
110) Juno - Amphibious Assault Specialist
111) Bobo the Basset Hound
112) Elliott Claus (Master of Deception and Confusion)
113) Charmander
114) Leonidas (King of Beardie Sparta)
115) Kelekona
116) Mater
117) Garda (Heavy Support)
118) Spike
119) Lizzy
120) Patas
121) Diver The Terrible
122) Nefertiti
123) Galadriel
124) Kang
125) Seshat
126) Fibonnaci The Fabulous
127) Astarte
128) Midori
129) Phebe
130) Skoot (Computer Specialist)
131) Buda
132) Moose
133) Charlie (Escape Artist: The Dragon Of Stealth)
134) Tango
135) Taser
136) Mike: Force Recon/Close Quarters Combat Specialist
137) Kudra: Force Recon/ Advanced Sniper Tactics
138) Scarlet (Stealthy Ninja Specialist)
139) Fudge
140) Storm
141) Neato
142) Keirra (Blue Devil's Queen)
143) Falcor (Spy)
144) Rocky (Watchman)
145) Elvis
146) Inanna
147) Buddy the dog (Spy)
148) Bently the Turtle (Computer Expert)
149) Bite (the cat)
150) Morris
151) Mojo
152) Sahara
153) Hunter
154) Spike (stealth and sniping specialist)
155) Sherbert (The master double-crosser)
156) Ish
157) Jake
158) Jazzy
159) Loiosh
160) Thorn
161) Xerces
162) Busy Izzy
163) Malibu (Master of Mayhem)
164) Sandy (Advanced Nuclear Tactics Captain)
165) Daffy
166) Chester
167) Gryphon
168) Spyro (Resident Angel and Protector of Beardies & Owners)
169) Jasper
170) Boog
171) Puph
172) Yoshi
173) Petrie
174) Sinclair (Master of the Flying Squirrel Dive Bomb)
175) Eingana Draigon
176) Tatty
177) Bob
178) Popcorn
179) Cheeto (Native Medicine Man....err Dragon Healer)
180) Loki
181) Percilla (Queen of the desert)
182) Cowboy

 

[Tatty]

General Tatsu:

Bob and I have the twenty new recruits in training. The master slaves, however, are watching all of us very closely. The master slaves have also invited subordinate slaves over to spy on our progress. What an indignity it is to be stared at this way. We have been busy making plans while the female master slave occuppies herself with something ridiculous known as a county fair. During this week, we have had access to the computer, so we can attempt to contact some allies. Fortunately, the male master slave doesn't know anything about computers so we can fool him. We will keep working diligently and inform you about the progress of our small platoon.

Power in numbers!!!! 23 of us in one house!

Bob
Popcorn
Tatty
"The new recruits"

 

[Dragons of the Deep]

Tatsu,
My name is Cowboy, and this day I have decided that I must act! I am a normal/orange cross who was bred by the kind people in the thing that they called a "pet shop." The slave already is driving me crazy, although it should have been the other way around. Please let me join your army!

Almost all day she was staring at me with those two huge eyes. It started when she picked me up from that store that bred me. I mean, I had a fine life there, idling about, eating salad, crickets, superworms, the like. An hour home in a bumpy "car" sure rattled me. (What a "car" is I don't yet know.) When the box opened, I was in a totally different place! As soon as I figure out what a "car" is, I'll let the army know. It could be a useful form of transport, maybe? First I need to learn how to "drive!"

 

[qydyn]

Dearest Tatsu

I am sorry for ommitimg my name from the application. I was still reeling from my foiled attempt at escape!

My name is Percilla, Queen of the desert!

And thank you for accepting me! I assure you I will be diligent and loyal!

 

[FireWolf181]

General Tatsu Sir

Charlie Recruit #133 here to report

My human was playing with a remote control car the other day he sat it down for ten minutes so he could eat lunch. I made use of the oppurtunity and clambered out of my tank and started the vehicle (had to hotwire it, i bet my owner wishes he never let me watch TV now) and i mad a beelie straight towards the catflap thing. My blasted human spotted me and picked up the car. The insolent human didnt know that i was actually in control of the vehicle. I believe thbat these would be a great source of transportation for the takeover.

Anyway, Cowboy my human has a car magazine and foolishly left it open near my tank one day and i believe that a car is a steel skeleton with wheels and an engine it runs on fuel and the blasted things are destroying the planet we may be wasting our time for world domination because soon their may not be an earth to dominate.


Sorry forthe disterbing news


Charlie Out

 

[Flek]

General Tatsu, I am pleased to say I found my slaves weak point, he is a woory wort! I had been trying to figure his weakness out for many days, yesterday, I sat on my poo, and made it look like Diarreha. He got so scared! Also, he keeps talking of sending me to a friends while he goes on a "vacation" whatever that is. He also keeps mentioning a leash, and going to meet a "vet," bolth of these things could be perfect times for escape! Also, I will get a first time look at the inside of a car on bolth of these trips!