Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[Goonie]

Dear Oscar,

I know your brother is frustrating, but you really do need to show a patient claw with him. He is young and needs a guiding tail at this time. I have confidence you can impart some wisdom into his dense beardie skull.

Tatsu,

Felix is the same age as yours truly. He's just incredibly immature because the human slave has always baby'd him - picking him up instead of teaching him how to climb, hand feeding him food and treats, petting him like a dog ( :roll: ) . . . the list goes on.

Oscar

 

[Reptilover]

Yo Yo Yo Puff would like to join in Opressing the opresser's because my owner kepps puting in Crickets and i gobble them up and expect more and do you want to know what he does? he picks me up and starts to snuggle wit me. And Im a hardcore gangsta rappa so i run up on his shoulda and pretend to snuggle while i secretly build up the pressure and release a nice big brown and white glob on him hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
So what do you say Tatsu can I be a recruit I'm old enough 10 weeks

Your humble beardie Gangsta,
Puff

 

[bonsai.]

Puff,

Straight up G, eh? Hehe.

- Kip

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Puff,

I am adding you to our list.

Sincerely,

Tatsu


Latest List of Recruits

1) Spike
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
8) Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
18) Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
28) Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
38) Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry
41) Draco
42) Puff

 

[Reptilover]

YO word

 

[bonsai.]

Tatsu,

It is to my utmost humiliation - my slave has now insisted on forcing me to drink from a straw!
At first, the straw's pinkish red color decieved me - cruel vixen, that straw - so I licked it, thinking it was a tasty strawberry morsel.
However, A drop of water fell out, and I realized it was nothing but a straw. Urhg. Now, whenever I see that dastardly straw coming down from the heavens, I have no choice but to lick it a few times.
Now, I find it advantageous - I no longer have to get off of my favorite basking rock to drink water out of my bowl, though I still do sometimes.
Hope all is well.

- Kip

 

[Sekhautet]

Tatsu,

It is to my utmost humiliation - my slave has now insisted on forcing me to drink from a straw!
At first, the straw's pinkish red color decieved me - cruel vixen, that straw - so I licked it, thinking it was a tasty strawberry morsel.
However, A drop of water fell out, and I realized it was nothing but a straw. Urhg. Now, whenever I see that dastardly straw coming down from the heavens, I have no choice but to lick it a few times.
Now, I find it advantageous - I no longer have to get off of my favorite basking rock to drink water out of my bowl, though I still do sometimes.
Hope all is well.

- Kip

Dear Kip,

I drink from a squirt bottle set on a nice stream aimed directly in my mouth.

Tatsu

 

[quillian91]

Dear Tatsu,

Today is a day that I feel proud of... Nay, not proud of, downright giddy!!

My human female picked me up again, and I squirmed and lashed out and squng and hissed at her. She has explained the concept of the shirt trick to me before, and everytime she doe sit, I am unprepared and I fall alseep within moments....

Today, I was ready for it. I wasnt going to take this anymore. I would defeat the beast before it sent me to sleep.

So there I was, in gloved hands, attempting my escape. To soon, I found myself in the dark shirt. I hadnt been planning on this, but it seemed like a good idea at the time...

What I mean to say... Is that I bit her on her chest... well, rather, I bit her in the sensitive part of her chest...

I must give her credit for not shreiking or jerking in shock. She gasped, but calmly removed me from the fabric and held me a few feet away from her. I had no coice but to stop squirming and I looked at her seethingly. I was placed in my tank, and all is now well.

I did get much ammusement when I saw her inspecting my handywork with angry eyes. Wiping the small pinpricks of blod away and glaring at me. I know she couldnt, and wouldnt harm me... I'm to dashing to be harmed...

My humble wishes,
Dante' (MoMaIT)

P.S. I too, and forced to drink from a straw. She gives me Grape juice from it, which is more agreeable than plain water. She does seem to make rather degrading comments about my purple/red lips once Im done. I can feel my pride deflate abruptly at this...

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Tatsu,

Today is a day that I feel proud of... Nay, not proud of, downright giddy!!

My human female picked me up again, and I squirmed and lashed out and squng and hissed at her. She has explained the concept of the shirt trick to me before, and everytime she doe sit, I am unprepared and I fall alseep within moments....

Today, I was ready for it. I wasnt going to take this anymore. I would defeat the beast before it sent me to sleep.

So there I was, in gloved hands, attempting my escape. To soon, I found myself in the dark shirt. I hadnt been planning on this, but it seemed like a good idea at the time...

What I mean to say... Is that I bit her on her chest... well, rather, I bit her in the sensitive part of her chest...

I must give her credit for not shreiking or jerking in shock. She gasped, but calmly removed me from the fabric and held me a few feet away from her. I had no coice but to stop squirming and I looked at her seethingly. I was placed in my tank, and all is now well.

I did get much ammusement when I saw her inspecting my handywork with angry eyes. Wiping the small pinpricks of blod away and glaring at me. I know she couldnt, and wouldnt harm me... I'm to dashing to be harmed...

My humble wishes,
Dante' (MoMaIT)

P.S. I too, and forced to drink from a straw. She gives me Grape juice from it, which is more agreeable than plain water. She does seem to make rather degrading comments about my purple/red lips once Im done. I can feel my pride deflate abruptly at this...

Dear Dante,

I love boobies too much to bite them. They are the only part of my human slave that I like, as they make a comfie perch. I have not thought of biting them, but that seems like a devious, scheming plan I might have to look into next time I am allowed to ride on her chest out the front door and forced to go to PetSmart where she lets lots of germy, grubby handed small human slaves pet me and call me "cute" and "cool."

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[Jasper's Mom]

Tatsu, I come bearing good news. I have managed to use my mind control techniques to convince my human slave to bring another reptile into the family. He is a gecko, not a beardie, but any reptile is better than any mammal. For a while there, I was outnumbered, but now we will be on equal footing. Two reptiles vs. two mammals. Our only disadvantage is that the mammals seem to have the run of the house, while we reptiles are confined to our quarters. However, once the new arrival is here, we will use our superior reptile brains to escape our imprisonment and wreak havoc on the cat while the human slave is at work. :twisted:

Jasper

 

[Dinoizmadragon]

Dear Mr Tatsu and Aztec Sir
I do wish to lead the revolt on all these 'outback men' My friends and free beardies have been planning to fight back after they took us in the first place
WE MUST PREVALE
'Dinkum Dino

<--- P.s. Old photo Im bigger and blacker beard

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Mr Tatsu and Aztec Sir
I do wish to lead the revolt on all these 'outback men' My friends and free beardies have been planning to fight back after they took us in the first place
WE MUST PREVALE
'Dinkum Dino

<--- P.s. Old photo Im bigger and blacker beard

Dino, I am adding you to the list, but you might want to work on your human slave calling you Dinkum Dino. Dinkum is a little demeaning. You poor soul. Dino is more dragonly. I like it.

Tatsu

Latest List of Recruits

1) Spike
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry
41) Draco
42) Puff
43) Dino Dinkum

 

[Sekhautet]

Tatsu, I come bearing good news. I have managed to use my mind control techniques to convince my human slave to bring another reptile into the family. He is a gecko, not a beardie, but any reptile is better than any mammal. For a while there, I was outnumbered, but now we will be on equal footing. Two reptiles vs. two mammals. Our only disadvantage is that the mammals seem to have the run of the house, while we reptiles are confined to our quarters. However, once the new arrival is here, we will use our superior reptile brains to escape our imprisonment and wreak havoc on the cat while the human slave is at work. :twisted:

Jasper

We also have a gecko in our house, Jasper. I suggest that you talk to it about escape techniques, as ours is quite adept at that. However, we are not on equal footing with the other pets in the house. There are now two fish, three frogs, and two cats. The amphibians should be on our side, but they seem content to be fed and kept in captivity. Especially, since our human slaves have redecorated both their tanks and are giving them yummy treat worms as well as normal food. Their small brains are showing.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[Goonie]

Tatsu,

Just wanted to report to you that I had attempted to run away two days ago, but my plan was foiled by that stubborn female human's drive to find me.

I had snuck away sometime during the day on Tuesday, just before the male human closed all of the room doors ( :twisted: ). He didn't even realize that I wasn't sitting on top of the couch anymore. Instead of going to my brother's usual hiding spots (basically every nook and cranny of the house), I decided to hide in their computer room, amongst all of the piled up computer stuff. It was the best spot to hide because my colors blended in perfectly with the computer stuff.

Well, when the female came home, she immediately noticed that I wasn't around, and began her frantic search for me. She even tried to get Felix to fess up as to my whereabouts. I'm not sure if he revealed anything, but she did come into the computer and looked in the vicinity of my hideout. Thank goodness she didn't lean over far enough to see me. That stupid human even went as far as looking downstairs! DUH! As if I'd go down the stairs and risk hurting myself :roll:

I had overheard the female asking the male human if the front door had been opened, thinking that I had ran out the front door :laughhard: Imagine that - me running outside by myself. What a joke.

Unfortunately, sometime around 10ish, that stubborn nosey female human walked into the computer room, again, and was looking around every tight corner and inside boxes and bags, and she finally leaned over a computer monitor and saw me sleeping underneath. She picked me up and put me back into my tank. I'd have to say though, the heat bulb did feel mighty nice on my back, so I sat up a little to soak up some heat. Just as I did that, she thought I wanted out and picked me up and brought me to the couch, where Felix was tucked away in a corner, sound asleep. As soon as I saw him, I immediately went into a rage because I thought he had revealed my hiding spot. I black bearded him and tried to run over to him, but she stopped me . After 3 attempts, she propped up a pillow in front of me so I couldn't see Felix anymore.

I've since been ignoring my brother because I'm convinced that he squealed on me. Now the female is watching me like a hawk.

What's a pissed off beardie to do?? How can I teach my brother to be tough and independent like me? How can I stop him from telecommunicating with the female human and get me in trouble??

Oscar

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Oscar,

I feel your pain. Sometimes my step brother, Michael is ornery and doesn't listen or seem to care about our cause either. I do my best to ignore him most of the time, unless, I feel he is in a good mood. But when is that? He's always black bearding and head bobbing and wasting his energy being grouchy. I don't understand him either.

Here's what I think you should do ... I think you should get Felix a woman penpal, someone who would be a good motivator for him to start acting right and help our cause. Women beardies are very influential. I know I love my Loiosh and would do anything for her.

As for other suggestions, perhaps, you can try to order some happy drugs online and slip them into his salad when he's not looking. That way he will be more compliant and simple-minded and less likely to squeal on you. Of course, that would make him less useful to our cause. Maybe, you should scratch that idea off your list with your claw.

Just stick to getting him lots of material to read. Inundate him with all the horror stories posted on this silly human forum of bad things that happen to us in human slaves care. Scare him straight. If it can work for humans on drugs, it can work for less-minded beardies.

And make sure that you obtain some strawberries from him as payment for all the help you are giving him.

And make sure he eats all his protein, so he can keep us his strength and help us fight. And perhaps, you should find a task for him to help out with as well. If he feels included in your scheming, he is less likely to rat you out. He may be the same age as you, but he sounds like the younger jealous sibling who just wants to be part of your cause.

Sincerely,

Tatsu