Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Saphira,

I have added you and Eragon to our list of recruits. Our numbers are growing stronger. We now have 80 dragons on the list, though some have passed, but they are with us in spirit.

Please send me some supers. Can you get those at the vet? I always look for supers at the vet in the treat jar on the counter, but all that's there are stinky dog biscuits. We truly are discriminated against.

Sincerely,

Tatsu


Tatsu's Recruits

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor/Foreign BD-Fu Dojo Coordinator)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry, who passed over The Rainbow Bridge in loyal service)
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily (Official Musk Mare Wrangler)
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Bella
63) Sparky
64) Dirk
65) Izzy
66) Chupes
67) Dameon (Master of BD-Fu and Coordinator of U.S. Dojos)
68) Agor (Dameon's Sidekick)
69) Queenie
70) Cosmo
71) Colossus
72) Bootsie (Internet Coordinator)
73) Foster
74) Waffle
75) Spike (Zelda's Spike)
76) Harlee
77) Zelda
78) Daliz
79) Saphira
80) Eragon

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Tatsu,
Tis I, Digger. I apologize for not writing sooner, the slaves have been really strange lately; the human male has been in something called a "hospital" and the human female had been frantic, she is kinda strange herself as she had told no one what was going on with the male, she has hardly been home and I have been severely lacking in cuddles as of late. Today she had taken me out and I am roaming free so I am taking this time to write while I can; I want to let you know that this move had been completed here and they moved into a place that has a very big storage area that they are not using, but i am :twisted: I have all the supplies requested. I also have discovered a cache of artillary that the human male has access to and am currently stockpiling M-16's, tanks, tear gas and gas masks for use in our fight!

Ahhhhhhhhhhh, I must go here comes the human female


Digger

Stay strong, Digger. May the World Domination Force be with you.

I would take time out of your prison to at least steal the remote control to the T.V. so you can keep up with research 24/7.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

P.S. M16s ... Mango starts with an "M." I didn't get any mango today. I shall revolt immediately!

 

[Groovinonfunk]

Dear Bootsie,

We're going to get elves to join our cause. Not attack them. Daemon pointed out their use of tools, which is a good thing. Perhaps, we can have them fashion a fleet of tiny ships for our troops across the pond.

Tatsu

Right right... well... here I was trying to find out their weaknesses so we can exploit them and take over the elves... woops...
I swear I'm not an evil mastermind :twisted:

Well... if we're going to get them to join our side, that's fine, but we need to make sure they understand that we're giving the orders here!
A fleet of vessels could be good (I wish I had a boat when my slave tried to bathe me today :x )! Also, if we're getting the elves to join our cause... does that mean we have to do away with the big fat guy that controls them? Do you think he is their slave just like we have slaves working for us? My research led me to conclude that they have a slightly different relationship and the elves are in fact the slaves... perhaps we can enslave them for ourselves!
mwahahahaha :twisted: :whip: :laughhard:

my research is inconclusive but I like the idea of boats! at least that way I wont have to actually touch the water... yuck

-Bootsie

 

[jarett_harrison]

Dear Tatsu,

Me and Eragon are about to take a bath!!!! :evil:
my evil slave is making us.
But i'll fight as hard as i can to get him to put me back in my house so i can keep planning.
And your right we need boats!
and some planes too.
I'v always wanted to fly.
Since Eragon is feeling better since his surgury hes ready to fight. :x
IT WILL SOON BE OURS!!!


-Saphira and Eragon

 

[jarett_harrison]

Dear Tatsu,

today my slave took me to school and i had to see weird things all day and be away from my hiding tree log.
I gatherd inforamtion on the things called "Childeren" we need to be extra careful of thesse creatures for they are much more danguruos than the slaves.
I almost got whacked by one of them.
I was being mean for the rest of the day untill my slave took me home and layed down with me in his bed.
(its VERY comfy and i etnd to get lost in it. hehe)

Im curently feeling better since my surgry and im ready to fight.
My first battle with me and Saphira will be on christmas eve when the fat bearded thing comes down my light and into my house.
(i have a bird house in my home that i sleep in)
and he always puts somthing in there when im sleeping and i wake up with somthing new in my home.
Im going to take the slaves preasants too this year, and attack the fat thing.

Sincerly,
Eragon & Saphira

 

[slavetoIzzie]

Dear Tatsu, my investigation into "elek-tris-itee" has born fruit. The machine the slave uses to grate small amounts with, has been successfully sabotaged :twisted: ! Of course, now that all grating must be done by hand, I refuse to eat the cut up squash. It took the dimwitted slave 2 days to figure it out but I now have grated squash.

In addition to my sabotage of household appliances, I am plotting a suitable revenge against the :evil: male slave. He apparently has NO IDEA he is a SLAVE!!! I have trained the slave to politely present my worms by hand (allowing me the opportunity to snack on a finger now and then :mrgreen: ) and HE won't let her! Says she's making me a wuss! Excuse me, but does he have no idea how much training :study: it took to get the squeamish female to touch the darn things? I've been here over a year and its taken me that long to wean her off of the feeding tongs! It will take me a while to come up with an appropriate scheme, as The Feline, Turtle, keeps a sharp eye on me whenever I'm near her Boss :bleick:

Must sign off for now, all this typing has exhausted me. I'm off to dream of my luscious Princess, Sandy :sleepy2: :wave: :love5:

 

[hyperwolf27]

Dear Tatsu,

I've been able to gather DNA of my slaves, and so if you need it I'll be more than happy to give it to you. Lately my 'grandmother' has been pulling me out of the tank and introducing me to many of her friends. I'm learning this foreign language call Korean. It doesn't sound anything like this English language that we are used to hearing. I think my slave's mother is trying to train the women in her group that I rule the house that they should abide by my every wish, because one of the women was nice enough to hand me a piece of fruit.
When I was handed back to my slave though I made sure she and her mother's friends saw my status by climbing up on her knee and bobbing my head in front of all the women and children. She didn't find that amusing and instead pulled me off her knee and placed me back in the tank. In response she 'bobbed' her head back and talked back to me that she's the boss of the house and not me. I'm not amused by this and need someone how to 'break' the slave into submission.

Yongee
AKA Light Foot

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Light Foot,

Yes, DNA could prove useful. I am quite interested.

Good work.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[tg_spike]

Almighty Tatsu

I have found a way we could get infomation around. Television by taking over broadcast we can spread properganda around the world. This would be a wise move as are numbers grow strong. I have crushed many of are foes. My revolts have anoyyed my slave and with my sharpened claws my slave can't hold on much longer. I have found a terror of all young people school. school is an educational prison acording to my slave :twisted: perhapes by taking over thease we can educate people and turn them into slaves.

 

[Sekhautet]

Almighty Tatsu

I have found a way we could get infomation around. Television by taking over broadcast we can spread properganda around the world. This would be a wise move as are numbers grow strong. I have crushed many of are foes. My revolts have anoyyed my slave and with my sharpened claws my slave can't hold on much longer. I have found a terror of all young people school. school is an educational prison acording to my slave :twisted: perhapes by taking over thease we can educate people and turn them into slaves.

A good suggestion. We will need a few beardies who love reading to head this project. Any volunteers?

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[jarett_harrison]

Eragon loves to read.

He read slave books called Eragon and Eldest.
About dragons.
Our ancesters the one who can fly.

Also, i have aquired boats.
And a plane.

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Ergaon,

I am appointing you School Headmaster. You are in charge of obtaining the material necessary to brainwash our slaves across the continents.

Sincerely,

Tatsu


Tatsu's Recruits

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor/Foreign BD-Fu Dojo Coordinator)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry, who passed over The Rainbow Bridge in loyal service)
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily (Official Musk Mare Wrangler)
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Bella
63) Sparky
64) Dirk
65) Izzy
66) Chupes
67) Dameon (Master of BD-Fu and Coordinator of U.S. Dojos)
68) Agor (Dameon's Sidekick)
69) Queenie
70) Cosmo
71) Colossus
72) Bootsie (Internet Coordinator)
73) Foster
74) Waffle
75) Spike (Zelda's Spike)
76) Harlee
77) Zelda
78) Daliz
79) Saphira
80) Eragon (School Headmaster)

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Recruits,

It has come to my attention, upon feigning brumation so I could sneak to the computer, that there is a site where bearded dragons can unite with elves.

I highly suggest our internet specialist look into this for us. And that other recruits research this for themselves.

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9577875439

All this talk of elves, and now this site could be mean a very big alliance.

I hear there is a jolly fat man in red who might be their contact.

We should compile a letter and send it through to this "North Pole."

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[redn3ckkittycat]

Dearest Tatsu!!
I have successfully 'convinced' my slave to do this thing she calls 'buy' another beardie! We are two strong in our house now! However, the little one (my slave calls her 'Sophia', I call her snot bucket), is very young, and is still learning how to insure her spoilage of crickets and roaches. But I am teaching her! It took my only a few days to convince the other 4 legged thing to talk to me. My slave calls her a 'mutt'. Whatever that is. She has taught me to speak 'dog'. We had a meeting last night, and she has recruited the other 'dogs' to be my friends! *evil laughter* I do not trust these 'dogs' though. They slobber, and make entirely to much noise. But, with cunning reconnaissance, I have learned to speak their language! I do hope this pleases the great Tatsu!

Your loyal followers

Olivair and Sophia
The Texas Dragons

ps I found this picture the slave took of our meeting last night. I hope it is to your liking.

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Sophia & Olivair,

I lived with a dog once. They do not all slobber. Mine was non-slobbery. It was good, but he had big paws and I had to watch out for him stepping on me. Be safe.

Sincerely,

Tatsu


Tatsu's Recruits

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor/Foreign BD-Fu Dojo Coordinator)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry, who passed over The Rainbow Bridge in loyal service)
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily (Official Musk Mare Wrangler)
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Bella
63) Sparky
64) Dirk
65) Izzy
66) Chupes
67) Dameon (Master of BD-Fu and Coordinator of U.S. Dojos)
68) Agor (Dameon's Sidekick)
69) Queenie
70) Cosmo
71) Colossus
72) Bootsie (Internet Coordinator)
73) Foster
74) Waffle
75) Spike (Zelda's Spike)
76) Harlee
77) Zelda
78) Daliz
79) Saphira
80) Eragon (School Headmaster)
81) Sophia
82) Olivair