Offering advice without offending people

[mickeysmomma]

Do you ever worry that you will offend someone by offering them advice about their beardie?

This weekend we were at a party, and I had Louie with me, and a friend had their beardie with them. They told me it gets bathed once a week, is housed with sand, and only protein it gets are mealworms.

Well, at first I didn't want to say anything...kind of like telling someone how to parent their child.. But, I knew I had to speak up for the poor beardies sake!

I told them I wanted to offer advice, without offending them or sounding like a know-it-all. The seemed very receptive to making the changes ( no sand, more baths, better proteins, etc).

Sometimes when I see pictures of people on here with their beardies living in sand, I tell them how bad it is and my experience with it ( Louie having a belly full of sand, paracites, etc).

Sometimes I feel like I should just keep my mouth shut, in order to not offend anyone on how they are raising their beardies.

What are your thoughts/advice.... Feel free to tell me ANYTHING! I won't be offended...if it's for the good health of my beardie, I would want to know.

 

[healthybeardie]

I've read a lot of your posts (advice) and they never seem to come off as offensive. Matter of fact, I think you do a great job at "gently telling the facts", especially when you share Loui's bad experience with the sand. Did you mention this website to your friend?

 

[mickeysmomma]

:wink: Thank you! I have learned so much on this board, and am finally feeling comfortable enough with what I have learned, to be able to share it with others. :mrgreen:

 

[Elijahsmom]

In my opinion people post on here for advice, they need to be receptive to it on here, many people are actually, they wants whats best for these guys. The only time I really get offended about people is when they get upset and make someone sounds stupid for asking questions. Thats the whole point about the forum. I realized that a lot of questions get asked over and over again but what are you going to do? Some people search the forum and may be they don't find that exact answer they are looking for etc... We all need to show patience with each other and help each other for the sake of our beardies.

 

[Eddiesmum]

i have just come across this thread.....i have just got a beardie and knew nothing at all until about a week ago when eddie came to stay...i was lucky he came with everything he needed so just need researching on my part... i would love someone to offer me advice on how to look after eddie properly and wouldn't take it the wrong way at all as i only want whats best for him...i have been researching and have read loads and loads and am getting to understand more each day and am truly facinated....even watched some videos on handling..i am that much of a novice..but everyday i learn something new...i hope one day i will be able to offer advice in return...x

 

[TheWolfmanTom]

Ive been told I offend at times.
Especially on forums. Im a very direct person and I always have been.
What softens my directness is the passion for my animals that only comes out in the spoken word.
I have just come to accept that the written word can be taken many diff ways by diff people.
If someone truly wants to know what i meant because it seems unclear they just have to ask directly....lol

 

[kimmie]

I think if someone truly cares about their dragons (or anything else they might get advice for), then they really shouldn't take offense! That's just my 2 cents worth. I didn't know a darn thing about BD's when I came here and have learned so much, thanks to everyone here.

I'm one of those kinds of people that is direct as well. I don't try to sugar coat things and I tell the truth to the best of my knowledge (or what I believe to be the truth). I always say, "Don't ask for my opinion if you don't want to hear the answer" and have been referred to (often) as being a bit*% because I tell it like it is!

You are offering your advice because of your passion for your BD's and it helps that you have 1st hand experience as to the problems and have learned from that and just want to share it with others so that they don't make mistakes.

I know I've told people that have BD's the things I've learned here as well and I also give them the url so that they too can learn what I've learned.

What's hard is when it's in a forum or in written form because you don't have that eye-to-eye contact, body language, tone of voice to come across. Why so many people get different views/ideas from the same post.

 

[sara24354]

It is only through reading on here and asking questions that I know anything about dragons.I don't mind sharing what I have learned,it's only when people ask for advice then totally ignore it or worse yet get grumpy when thye don't get the advice they want that I tend to get frustrated.For example: I have heard many opinions on sand but am doing further research,etc.....can people give me their opinions,then when you say,through reading research I have found that the risks of using sand are too great for me to take,they come back and say: A friend of mine has used sand for years and nver had trouble,I'm gonna go with sand.
Okay,if your mind was already made up why ask for advice and get snippy about it.(or what I have perceived as snippy)

 

[kimmie]

I think those kind of people are just looking for reinforcement of their own opinions, but yeah you want to ask them why did they even bother if they had their mind made up!


I've always loved this saying: "Opinions are like buttholes, we all have them and they all stink!" :lol:

 

[snowdrop]

LOL Kimmie i love that saying! Very good!

I think that no matter what some1 will always get offended! It's impossible to avoid, I have three beardies now and got rexie a year and a half ago and am still learning! Like veggies i was giving a veggies i thought were ok to give occasionally but found out they weren't ok at all, i feel sooo bad but my beardies haven't suffered any ill health.

Nearly all of us who are on here are on to learn care and love there scaly babies in the best way possible! So should be able to take advice weather they feel it is correct or not.

But i know how you feel it is so hard not to give ppl advice! I met this couple in the pet shop that fed the bd only pinkies, he ate very little veg, is the same age as rexie and is tiny compared to her, they also take him with them every were now this was in the middle of winter and the bd was sooooo dark and just kept trying to hide which they thought was him being shy not cold he was out of his heat for nearly all day everyday and we had a really cold winter here! And god the bd i met when i was at the vets was even worse i tried talking to them andi was very nice and they did seem to really listen as the seen both my adults and theres was a very clear difference!

Is it silly that it breaks me heart seeing bd's that need help and sometimes i just can't give! There's petshops i can't go into!

Thankfully i'm not alone on loving my beardies as much as i do!

 

[sara24354]

I know about heart breaking too,it happens to me all the time that's why I rarely go to pet stores.I order my feeders so I don't have to go to the pet store. Iwent to a pet store not long after I got my last beardieto get crickets until my order came in and ended up bringing another beardie home because it was in bad shape and the store owner wanted me to try to help it because she has seen both of mine little fella died because it had severe MBD from no UVB at the store and then when they finally put noe on him it was only a 2.0 I tried my best to help the little guy but the MBD was too far gone and I couldn't help him but at least he had the best care possible and was loved before he passed on.

 

[Nasubi77]

I think most people on this kind of forum are here in the first place because they are looking for help and they are receptive to good advice. Of course, there will always be the know-it-all who comes on here and feeds his beardie pinkies and keeps him on calcium sand and doesn't need UVB because the tank is in a window who just won't listen to anything else, but those are few and far between and we actually manage to convert at least some of those types.

I frequent the reptile section of Yahoo Answers and that's hard. The person asking questions is usually receptive to advice (that's why they are there after all) but it's all the people who have answered who have given BAD advice that gets to me. When I answer questions, my first few comments are always correcting the bad advice they have been given so far. And then who knows who the asker will choose to listen to. When it comes to it, anyone can answer those questions and you just don't know how much experience that person has or where they got their knowledge or if they have the correct knowledge, so it aggravates me that people would ask important questions on Y!A instead of seeking out a forum that is dedicated to the animal. (Of course, I always point the asker to this site! Hopefully we have an influx of new members due to this! :wink: )

Then, the worse, CraigsList ads. :evil: When I see a pitiful beardie on CL, I will usually email the person and let them know that their beardie is sick and how I can tell. I am very diplomatic, I never accuse the person of neglect (I figure they are just doing what the pet store told them), and like any good parent or manager, I fault the *problem*, not the person. I.E. "I can tell by the sunken fat pads that this beardie does not get enough food." NOT "You idi0t, you are starving your beardie!" I always encourage them to sell their equipment if they need the money, but to give the beardie to a rescue or to someone who is an expert in the field so it can get the help it needs.

Sometimes people take offense and get nasty. Sometimes they ignore me, but a couple times, they have written back, genuinely concerned that they have not been providing proper care.

BTW, I have 2 beardies (one just yesterday) as a result of doing this.

 

[AprilMayJune]

I have to say, I do the same things in pet stores. That is, when I go. My feeders are delivered and are better quality than the pet stores. They will sell you anything just to make a buck! Most of the employees don't know that there are many options that are bad for certain reptiles and will sell you anything and give you wrong advice because that's what they've been told to tell you to get a sale.

I offer advice to those craigslist people. Some times I hear back and help them out but most it's ignored. I always plug this site as I have noticed it's the best bearded dragon site on the web. The members here care about the well-being of their reptiles and only want what's best and it's because we are so passionate that we are so knowledgable as a group and are here to offer only the best options for your pet. That's why I stick around. When I'm bored I come here and just read for hours on the old posts just to keep learning more.

I've probably offended people I've talked to in the pet stores (fellow customers and employees) and maybe have even frightened a few but I'll keep on doing it until the pet stores and beardie owners know what's best and actually advise what's best and have the good options available to purchase. There's 1 pet store in the city that actually takes proper care (for the most part) of their beardies and there's at least a couple dozen here.

For those that offer advice and recommend this site, I say KUDOS to you!! Keep it up!! I know I will!!

 

[valcash]

You can't make all the people happy all the time. The animals don't have a voice. We are their voice.

 

[spyder79]

I have gotten to where I completely embrace the fact that I flat out p!ss off people that ask opinions but do not actually want to hear it. There are quite a few folks on this forum that flat out dont like me haha. Hell I even have a disclaimer in my signature nowadays lmao.