BlueDragon09":3ec7osb0 said:
Hope you're not mad at me I was kinda hoping Tonja found someone else she got mad at.
I don't say words if it's you she's talking about, I know you try your hardest you're only 16.
So if I got you upset like the others then I'm sorry and I won't talk to you if you don't want me
to ever again, okay? I love you sister, be safe and take care of yourself and Nim.
Thanks. I admit, I was pretty mad last night. It's still stinging today, I couldn't even think much during church because I was thinking of what happened. I have been working up a small-ish rant to let you all know what I'm going through. But seeing that there are people that care, like you, Bluedragon, and noelerhard and beardie parents, makes me feel better. I actually don't know what to say now. The rant I thought of is dead now, from what you guys have said. Just let me say these few words. Because, I still want you to be my friend, but I may take a hiatus. Yes, another one, but I feel the need to. Just take a small hiatus to heal and find myself once again. So, before I go, here are some words I would like you all to hear. Part of my rant that is still good to use.
Most of you may not understand the problems I go through. I took the chance to make some friends and actually speak about my life publicly. Something I have never done before. Most of you know things that I have never mentioned outside of my family, which makes all of you who care, family. The best friends I could hope for are on these forums. BlueDragon09, NerotheMonster, noelerhard, miloandrufusdragons, traceyb73, these are the ones who are in my friends list. Then there are new ones like, beardie parents, jezwolf175, Skymall007 and others that I have seem to have forgotten at the moment. All of you are friends that I have found on these forums, that I probably wouldn't have found if I didn't think about a dragon way back in May. I am proud to be part of a great community. Yet, and I knew this would happen, I opened my heart and it got hurt by some. And it makes me think of leaving these forums. But then, I think of all the friends I have previously mentioned, they would miss me if I were to leave. So I stay, knowing that my heart may be hurt again. I am human, I make mistakes that I learn from. Yes, Nim may be in a small tank, and that thought weighs heavy on me everyday. But I am not an abuser, you know why? Because I give my animals the greatest of things, LOVE, overflowing love. When I post pictures of my pets, do they look sad? Do they look ignored and neglected? No, they are smiling. I could say screw it, and leave them to rot. I could say that I'm a teen, I should be carefree, I don't need to take care of these pets. Be carefree like my 19 year old sister, nothing keeping me from staying here. I could just be lazy and let them starve. But do I? No, I do not. I feed my noisy tiels everyday, I rub their heads and I talk to them. I feed the silly conure,
bathe him sometimes, and spend hours giving him attention. I let him tear up an expensive wolf puppet because he loves to play with it so much. And then there is Nim, the hardest thing I have come across. When he poops I could just let him glass dance and not pick it up. I could pick it up and leave the poop soaked paper towel in there and make it smell up the cage. But I don't, I multitask by removing the paper towel and wiping the area while I keep Nim in my sight to make sure he doesn't get hurt while running around. I could not feed him, I could say, "He's a reptile, he can go a day without food, it won't hurt him." But do I? No, I give him his food, and now I am taking the risk of getting bit. I could not give him a boring
bath every other day. He's a desert reptile, he doesn't NEED
hydration. Yet I still do, it's only ten minutes, and sometimes I make it twenty. I could not take him out every night and give him three hours of snuggles, making me go to bed later when I feel super tired. But I do, because it is our special time. The way he cuddles up upon my body feels like he is hugging me and saying, "I love you mommy." All these things I do with love. Yes, I admit I may grumble, but I still do it. I even feed my pets when I have a fever of 103. I may be 16, and I may be sweet, but that doesn't mean that I am a pushover. Sometimes I want to make angry comments. I do get angry, a lot more than some of you may realize. I have written some things while bursting with anger, yet they sound nice. There is a reason my username is TheWerewolf. Because at times I feel like one. I can be a monster most of the time. I try my hardest to be nice when I'm on these forums. I want to make a good reputation. But now, I feel like I have let you all down. I felt like I have lost friends and my good reputation. But, seeing these kind posts today, it made me realize that I still have friends. And you don't know how happy that makes me feel. I have had bad experiences with friends. There was one friend I had and we were the best of friends. Much like the friendship I have with Lara, AKA NerotheMonster. But then my friend moved far away, my heart broke because I knew I would never see her again. For a long time after that I had no friends, until I found this site, then it all changed.
I believe that is all I wanted to say. Now, before I go and take a week long hiatus, here is the chorus of a song that I have grown to like. I feel like it fits.
"Cause I wear my heart on my sleeve, if you cut me I'll
bleed.
I know I cannot
erase every
mistake that I've made.
Yeah, I never said I was an angel (no).
I never said I wouldn't
break down.
But life keeps on moving, by now you should know, I'm only
human."
-Human, by Manafest.
See you all in a week. I may pop up from time to time just to check on things. But I will refrain from posting.