Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Isabel the Wily,

How undignified that you were subjected to such treatment. How rude. My human slave scanned my butt when I was a young, wee lad. It was humiliating. Thankfully, her computer file was not backed up and the picture mysteriously disappeared. :wink:

Perhaps, you should find a strong magnet, attach it to your tail, and run across the computer the file is stored on. That should fix your problem. I hear you can order magnets from Acme and Ebay as well.

I am sorry this has happened to you. However, I wanted to mention how stunning and colorful your beard was in your latest photo. If I did not already have a girlfriend, you would be in my heart completely.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[Reptilover]

Why hello Isabel the Wily or should I say Isabel the Beautiful. might I say the tint or your beard was fabulous. And the ferrocity in your eyes startled me with your beauty.
You secret admirier Puff
P.S.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
but no words are used
to describe the beauty in you

 

[Nanci]

Sir Tatsu and Comrade Puff,

Your compliments do not go unappreciated. Perhaps you would like to see my blackbeard from a more flattering angle? Notice my sharp upper teeth. I haven't had to bite the slave yet- but she is wary of my danger. I must go now- it is time for sleep, time for the slave to tuck me in with my red teddy bear blankie.

Isabel the Wily

 

[Reptilover]

Muah Muah Muah they are positivily stunning, might I ask do you condition your beard? Also by biteing your slave you can control your time inside and outside the enclosure

 

[Groovinonfunk]

Hey Tatsu,
Seems like everyone is jumping onboard this army and I dont want to be left out.
I've been a little sick the past couple of days though now I feel a little better. My silly man-slave keeps trying to get me to eat! Doesn't he understand that I'm just not hungry?
I'm still pretty little and have been low on energy lately so I was thinking maybe you could give me an office somewhere and I could sit and take care of executive business for the army... not much activity required there.

I'm hoping to make a full recovery within the next few days in which case you can feel free to move me to the front line

Love,
Bootsie

 

[Method]

Whats poping Tatsu?

Colossus here.

Tonight was an eventful night. As the slave hand fed me I nipped at his nails a few times. Our Queen, Queenie has been shading the last few days. My tail is going in to a shed, I can not wait until I get big enough to try and eat my Slave. Cosmo is gather intel. He has been focused on prison breaks for idea's. On this channel on National Geographic they have show many jails that these Slaves enslave their bad people in. Cosmo has done some been pondering plans on how to escape this room.

On a side note, the slaves my slave rents his room from is thinking about selling the house that we currently stay in. So we might have to up root. But that is okay, I will make sure to bite my slave a few times on the way to the new place if that happens.

The big squishy Slave should recieve a shipment a 250 butter worms, 10 hornworms in a cup, 50 wax worms and 2000 thousand crickets tomorrow. We shall try to stock pile. It is hard for a growing beardie.

Tatsu, the Slave has been bathing us, we really have out grown the sink he has been giving us. We here rumors of baths in the large tub like sink upstairs.

The slave returns must get back to the cell I am hosted in. Tatsu, for the nation of beardies! We shall dominate these slaves.

 

[marktank03]

Almighty Tatsu

recruit 27 here, it has been a long while!
i have some good, and some not so good news to report.

the bad is that i have now moved house, to a completely different part of the country, and as of yet, i am completely lost!

the other bad news is the new pet the human slaves have acquired, a animal called a cat, and since he has been here, i have been somewhat neglected by the human female, the human male has been somewhat kinder to me, and regularly rubs my nose plate, which i am most fond of

but since the cat has been here, i have had very little freedom to roam my new surroundings, and i am most dissapointed

the good news though is that i have been to the outside world, where the floor is green, and the ceiling is blue with white fluffy things. at first i was scared, and bearded, but i have started to like this place now.

and whilst there i have met a new friend, his name is samson, and he lives in the outside world. he says he is a species called a spider, and believe me, with such allies anything is possible!

he spits out some kind of white string, which catches his enemies, who he then devours, it is most delightful to watch, with such technology surely we can round up the humans and truly rule this world! he to has ambitions like ours, and i will inquire further into this white string, he called it a web.

until next time

Quetzalcoatl

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Bootsie,

I am adding you to our list of recruits. I think that you should stage a salad strike. It really makes them worry. Do not worry, friend, I will give you the official title: Internet Coordinator. Now you can surf the forums at your leisure and keep an eye on things for us in the comfort of your own home.

Sincerely,

Tatsu


Tatsu's Recruits

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry, who passed over The Rainbow Bridge in loyal service)
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Bella
63) Sparky
64) Dirk
65) Izzy
66) Chupes
67) Dameon (Master of BD-Fu and Coordinator of U.S. Dojos)
68) Agor (Dameon's Sidekick)
69) Queenie
70) Cosmo
71) Colossus
72) Bootsie (Internet Coordinator)

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Colossus,

I am bathed in the large torture tub. I frequently hiss in displeasure, but secretly, I love swimming. It is a good strength endurance exercise. You should embrace the challenge and use it to your advantage.

My brother, Mike bit his human slave a few times last night while he was checking his mouth. He also cracked a pen that the id1ot human slave tried to use to hold open his mouth. I was so proud of Mike.

Mike, Derrick, and I all watch Lock Down, a prison documentary show. My human slave did watch Prison Break faithfully, but then she feared I was getting too many ideas and prevented me from watching any more. I am ordering the last few seasons from Netflix. She has an account there that I have cracked into. :mrgreen:

Stay Strong,

Tatsu

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Quetzalcoatl,

If it were not that Samson were an ally, I would say "eat him." He sounds tasty. However, I remember my human slave muttering a few summers ago when I ate an ant outside. Something about being worried because it wasn't on my preferred food list. Perhaps, she had a point, but the ant still tasted good. :mrgreen:

I too live with furry-pawed critters. One of them is very wily. He should meet Isabel. The other one is very meek and dumber than her cat box. She likes the human slaves too much to be of any use. The only bad thing she does is chew on plants. And I can't see how that's a bad thing, really, though my human slave thinks so. I like my salad. I don't understand why she is deprived of her salad. Human slaves and their ways are strange to me.

If you can harvest some spider web from your friend, Samson, I think it would be very beneficial to the cause. Or you could just eat him and make your human slave really nervous. Though, since you don't know how tasty he is, maybe, you shouldn't. But I like to eat everything that moves. My stomach is first and foremost so I can work for the cause. However, there are bad spiders out there that taste like healthy things like crickets. Perhaps, the spider tastes like a cricket. I hate crickets. They are lower than cat food IMO. They are only fit for the praying mantis.

My human slave taunts me and will not let me eat the praying mantis. I imagine she tastes like superworms. Yuuuuummmmmy ... :mrgreen: But I cannot get to her. They keep her in a locked bedroom away from my scheming claws. I have tried winning her to our side, but all she does is eat my mealworm treatss and NOT share. How rude!

Anyway, back to that spider webbing. Gather as much as you can. I think it would be a very strong rope for us.

Thank you for your response. Perhaps, you could order a GPS locator to discover your new location?

Sincerely in World Domination For Reptiles Everywhere,

Tatsu

 

[Nanci]

Almighty Tatsu,

Comrade Quetzalcoatal has given me an idea. There is a very dangerous insect living out at the tortoise habitat. It is called a Musk Mare. The Musk Mare can expell a noxious substance with extreme accuracy to a distance of 40 cm. This substance, if it contacts the eye, causes excruciating pain, as if the eye had been hit by molten lead. Last night, the tree-hugging slave was outside and spotted the Musk Mare, and actually spoke to her and petted her, for which she was sprayed. (It didn't get into the slave's eyes). I propose capturing or befriending the Musk Mare, and training her to ride on my back, where from she can deploy her vile chemical agent.

Sincerely,

Isabel the Wily

 

[Sekhautet]

Nanci, this is totally offtopic, but I absolutely love that bug photo! 8)


Dear Isabel,

The Musk Mare sounds like a great suggestion. I am going to make you the Official Musk Mare Wrangler for the army.

Congratulations on you new title,

Tatsu


Tatsu's Recruits

1) Spike (Scientific Designer and Advisor)
2) Puff (Leading Technician/Professor)
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar (Ground Rumbling Master)
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand (The Dragon Reborn)
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
1 Indiana (Assistant Forager for the army)
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert) CODE NAME: The Scrounger
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
]26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
2 Bill
29) Porky (The Official Master of Head Stuck In Places Dragon Techniques
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus (Morse Code Master
37) Yongee (Code name: Light Foot)
3 Deuce
39) Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics and Second in Command of The Music Council)
40) Kip (Commander of All Things Strawberry, who passed over The Rainbow Bridge in loyal service)
41) Draco
42) Mac Daddy G. Puffort (Head of Music Council)
43) Dino Dinkum
44) Snow
45) Leo the Great
46) Manheim
47) Fabio
48) Pete
49) Kahli
50) Sunny
51) Kira (Escape Artist Extraordinaire)
52) Sarge
53) Tydo
54) Kaiju
55) Bindi (The Hogwarts Correspondent, Leader of the Potter Magic Council)
56) Fallyn
57) Gigantor
58) Isabel the Wily (Official Musk Mare Wrangler)
59) Spike (A Female Beardie!)
60) Trixie
61) Sandy
62) Bella
63) Sparky
64) Dirk
65) Izzy
66) Chupes
67) Dameon (Master of BD-Fu and Coordinator of U.S. Dojos)
68) Agor (Dameon's Sidekick)
69) Queenie
70) Cosmo
71) Colossus
72) Bootsie (Internet Coordinator)

 

[El_Chupe]

Ohh mighty and strong Tatsu, leader of the Bearded Dragon Army, king of the lizards, smiter of the humans, cunningest of all beasts, slayer of mythical dragons, swooner of the ladies, leader of the pack, fastest of all terrestrial quadrapeds (and sleepiest!), bearer of spikey scales...*breathes*...gorger of insects, saladier of fruits and veggies, pwner of noobs, haxxor of L337's, and pooper of the hot bath....

Hi!

 

[Sekhautet]

Ohh mighty and strong Tatsu, leader of the Bearded Dragon Army, king of the lizards, smiter of the humans, cunningest of all beasts, slayer of mythical dragons, swooner of the ladies, leader of the pack, fastest of all terrestrial quadrapeds (and sleepiest!), bearer of spikey scales...*breathes*...gorger of insects, saladier of fruits and veggies, pwner of noobs, haxxor of L337's, and pooper of the hot bath....

Hi!

Love the "I said that" image! :laughhard:

*Tatsu types* Greetings, beardie ...

 

[Nanci]

Revered Tatsu:

I have a job! I am on Spinner Patrol. What the job entails is checking the silkworm bins for worms who have crawled to the top and tried to escape to spin their coccoons. I dispose of the spinners by eating them. I will donate a portion of my salary to our cause.

Sincerely,

Isabel the Wily