Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[Sekhautet]

Tatsu:

ooh! can i just be called "Deuce"? I wanna be cool like you when I grow up!!!

Spike 2

Deuce it is ...

Tatsu

 

[Styg]

Dear Tatsu,

I was just brain-storming, in my cute little pea-sized brain, about tactics for us to use in the war against humans/terrorism. So, here's a list I made up:

Harder essays for college freshmen.
Surprise attacks, such as latching ourselves onto the humans faces.
Eating blankets. We can freeze those humans into submission!
Having a staring contest with the humans.

Porky has also been working on a technique called "tilty head." Apparently what he does is he sits on his rock, with his head tilted in a perpendicular angle to the rest of his body. And he stares at the heat lamp/sun. This results in confusing the heck outta our human. Attempts to figure out what is so interesting have resulted in headaches and neckaches or our human.

Also, I want to recruit Isis, the spotty/squeeky cat around here. But I'm concerned about her habit of um... eating smaller animals. If we could somehow turn her into a vegetarian, she would be really useful to our cause. So far she has smacked our human in the face with her tail, and has gnawed on several feet, and I think she once tried to smother our human with her own body fat.

She might need to be recruited as a "freelance agent." I like her warfare tactics, but I also like my tail and my remaining arm.

-Lazarus

 

[bantlem1]

Tatsu-

I also have started my own hunger strike. I have notice that my human seems to get very stressed out when I do not eat any crickets....while she's watching. I have decided that I will not eat any more as long as the human folk are around. They don't like that.

Code Name : Deuce.

 

[Sekhautet]

Good work agents Deuce and Lazarus. If only the rest of our beardie army were as diligent.

Tatsu

 

[supergizmo!]

i am report from the majora case, sir! and i have progressed much quicker after finising my first full shed today sir! the i have almost found location of termina will report back soon!

p.s i am on strike and irritated my slave by pooping in my water bowl :lol:

p.p.s i have discovered an item called a 'fridge' in slaves kitchen it is full
of many foodstuffs quick, spread the word, invade the fridges!

-gizmo

 

[Sekhautet]

i am report from the majora case, sir! and i have progressed much quicker after finising my first full shed today sir! the i have almost found location of termina will report back soon!

p.s i am on strike and irritated my slave by pooping in my water bowl :lol:

p.p.s i have discovered an item called a 'fridge' in slaves kitchen it is full
of many foodstuffs quick, spread the word, invade the fridges!

-gizmo

The fridge is a powerful tool. It could feed a beardie army. Perhaps, we should look at pooling our resources and buying one online for the army's use.

Sincerley,

Tatsu

 

[lauraslizzard]

OK, SO I am slow to report any feild duty, but I have to say things have been hectic over here! :roll: With Keirra doing a Major stall with her growth I had to Escape and Become "MIA" in the house to get any attn! :evil: But I have heard of My Slave getting a new "Fridge" from the Bigger human, that she calls mimi, whatever that is, :roll: and I am starting to put some pieces together for the army. It has been talked about this "MOM" or My "MIMI" is getting a new Fridge in the future and has discussed giving the Old one to my slave. And I have been working with the Jedi Mind trick :twisted: to Convince my Slave to Keep this new/old "fridge" and use the current food storage device to store ALL My Feeding needs. This will include of course my feeders needs as well, cause you know good feed for the feeders means good feeders for me! :twisted: SO If This Fridge deal works out, I may have to keep in conatct with the "Forager" to Store all the Cold Supplies in the "Spare Fridge" 8) SO I am going to keep you posted on this progress as it unfolds! :wink: Oh and another thing is too, I am going to have to keep my ears alert to this "LSU/Baseball Playoffs" as this is when the Slave goes out to Pick FRESH BlueBerries, and Black Berries!! :shock: This Timing of the College Baseball is something to take note of, cause when this happens, it is Prime Blueberry picking time! ANd I do Mean Prime! No Pestisides or Fertilizers! 100% organic! :shock: Very Rare! and My Slave may Have freezeer Full here in the Future! Oh the Forager would be so proud! 8)

 

[Goonie]

Porky has also been working on a technique called "tilty head." Apparently what he does is he sits on his rock, with his head tilted in a perpendicular angle to the rest of his body. And he stares at the heat lamp/sun. This results in confusing the heck outta our human. Attempts to figure out what is so interesting have resulted in headaches and neckaches or our human.

Lazarus,

I, too, have been performing the "tilty head" this past week. My human slave has become confused and increasingly concerned, thinking that I may be seeing things :roll: , or that by staring at the light will hurt my eyes.

She's convinced that we have this thing called a "ceiling alien" in the house and that I'm starting to see its presence. I've heard her talk about this "ceiling alien" thing to the furry 4-legged being they call Zim. I'm not 100% sure what it truly is, but from what I was able to gather, it's some form of spirit (or spirits) that floats about in the house. I've also heard in the past that this ceiling alien had moved patio furniture and made brief appearances in the form of a flashing light and scents of fruits and sweets.

Maybe I can convince my brother to teach me how to perfect mental telepathy and attempt to communicate with this ceiling alien. If it's friendly, which I do believe it is because I've never seen or heard of anything bad happening, we just might be able to use this alien to our advantage. Imagine - having an invisible being on our side to perform trickery on the humans :twisted: :twisted:

Tatsu, I will report back to you any developments I may have with this "ceiling alien".

Oscar

 

[athenacp]

Tastu,

i do not have much time, the humans have been on the computer and it has been hard to communicate, however, I have procurred a fridge, an model called a "Fridgedare"...apparantely it was the female's slaves mothers and it is old but it seems to work very well. I have that and also right now I have acquired 1000 butterworms that are in this "fridge" and am in the process of getting more. I also have 5000 superworms and am in the process of getting 5000 silkworms thought I have never had silk worms I hear that a lot of our army has had them.

I must go, will let you know what else I can steal,errr get.

Digger: code name "The Scrounger"

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Scrounger,

Excellent work. *rubs claws together* Excellent.

Dear Oscar,

Ahhh, you bring up another interesting point. Perhaps, we should look into beardie seances to contact our brethren that have crossed over to the other side. Invisible beardies would be a great advancement for the cause.

Dear Drake,

Ah yes, another fridge would be great. I suggest contacting "The Scrounger" for further fridge details and plans.

Sincerely to All,

Tatsu

 

[bantlem1]

To all my bearded brethren. I believe we have a horrible enemy in the crickets. I overheard them talking and they have procured so many numbers that they will soon be able to overtake even the slave humans. my advice is to forget about the hunger strike and eat all you can. NOW!! I have begun and will maintain killing and eating every cricket I see henceforth, regardless of whether or not the human is watching.

also...I kinda enjoy it...teehee

Code name: Deuce

 

[twitterflix]

Almighty Tatsu

The stockpile grows! and all is well. I havent replyed in a while because my serf has been keeping me locked up more than usual. Crickets are not are friends they are trying to over take us. so we must eat as many as we can!!! Those beardie who have servents that grow there own cricket must stockpile them they are not brain washed yet by the other crickets. I must leave it is not save here.
To The World Domination: fergison

 

[Sekhautet]

Almighty Tatsu

The stockpile grows! and all is well. I havent replyed in a while because my serf has been keeping me locked up more than usual. Crickets are not are friends they are trying to over take us. so we must eat as many as we can!!! Those beardie who have servents that grow there own cricket must stockpile them they are not brain washed yet by the other crickets. I must leave it is not save here.
To The World Domination: fergison

Dear Fergison,

There are no crickets at my house, so we are safe.

Good luck to you and continue the stockpiling.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[bantlem1]

Tatsu-
That's what you think..they are everywhere..just look outside. The other day I saw my human taking a cricket outside, he said it was "too big". I don't understand these humans. They take the biggest of the crickets away from me so I cannot eat them, then they release them on the world to breed and multiply and take us all over.

Listen Tatsu, when it is kinda late at night go to your window and open it...you will hear the battle cries...they may not have breached your home yet but they will....believe me they will...

Viva La Revolution!

Code name : Deuce.

 

[quillian91]

My Lord Tatsu,

I send my request to join your growing ranks. My former Human was nothing more than a fly to be squashed under my claws. He took no proper care of one such as myself, and so, alone and hungry, I found myself drastically loosing faith in our dear human race. I found my intimidating beard grow darker with every black thought. I had to get out of this roach nest… And I would trade every dashing scale on my body for a chance of freedom. A breath of fresh air, even some of my preferred veggies would do well to placate my growing displeasure.

I am rather gifted in the arts of manipulation, as well as undertaking hard tasks to ruin the mind of the common human. It was a hard task, filed with grave danger. I have mentioned that my human at the time was rather neglectant, but perhaps I should rephrase this… My human was…how shall I say…. a few shades short of a black beard. In short, he was absolutely bonkers. Blasting music all over his too small house, stomping past my cage, and sticking his hands where they had no business being.

I artfully started my plan towards my freedom. I heard that the water bowl I had was untipable…

My home was filled with a shallow layer of water within moments.

It was time to start moving things along here… I kept at this for months it seems, defecating all over the hard to clean areas, such as a bark-covered log, or in my crickets and rather disgusting mealworms. All the while, I kept demanding attention. When the human finally answered to my call, I gave him my remarkable beard and threatening hiss. Unfortunately, there would be a few roadblocks in my path towards sovereignty. The human became more and more busy, which had been my purpose, except that he was busy doing something other than waiting on me! I will not have incompetent slaves! I played as if I were sick, as if I were dying. I must tell you, it was difficult not eating the few crickets that were occasionally thrown in my cage, but eventually, my moment came. The one who spawned my human saw me in my weakened state and told him that I needed to be taken care of. Too Right I do! He responded by posting an add about me.

I had finally succeeded. I let him think it was his idea. His head would hopefully deflate so full of air that with one sharp poke of my claw, and it would burst. Imagine that! A human actually thinking that they could sell their master! It is enough to put any Dragon on its back in laughter.

I now come to the end of my tale. After my months of being in capture, I have finally escaped and am now being served by a young female human, who is lavishing me with attention. My days are spent puffing up at my human and make sharp jerking movement, causing the female to jump backwards as if I were to bite her. This only makes her pay more interest in me.

Still, the treatment I had formerly received will never be forgotten or forgiven. These humans need to know who wears the scales on this planet. I hope you understand now that I will give it my all for the cause, and will help Dragons live up to their long past ancestors and the King of all that is Cold Blooded.

My humble wishes,

Lord Dante Caius, (Master of Manipulation and Influential tactics)