Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[Sekhautet]

Latest List of Recruits

1) Spike
2) Puff
3) Aztec
4) Fergison (Official Forager for the army)
5) Hugh
6) Twitch
7) Ming
8) Scamps
9) Felix (Beardie Stealth Jedi)
10) Oscar
11) Izzie (Our Playstation Expert)
12) Ziggy
13) Yoshi
14) Rand
15) Sonic
16) Soxs
17) Sol
18) Indiana
19) Thor (The Dark Side of the Force Enforcer)
20) Digger (Our XBOX Expert)
21) Drake
22) Blaise (Passed Over the Rainbow Bridge in Loyal Service)
23) Lazarus (Our Poet Laureate)
24) Goober
25) Fido
26) Houdini (Australian Lizard Correspondent)
27) Quetzalcoatl
28) Bill
29) Porky
30) Faeor
31) Gizmo
32) Griffin (Playstation Expert # 2)
33) Puppy (Our Secretary and Publisher of the monthly newsletter)
34) Komode
35) Goddard
36) Rufus

 

[Styg]

Fergison, I hereby name you OFFICIAL FORAGER for our army. I trust you can organize a foraging expedition ASAP for all of us who are on diets or just need an extra snack or two for brain power.

Fergison, since you're the Official Forager now, I just wanted to let you know: I'll need more like an extra three or four snacks. I mean come on, my name IS Porky after all ^_^

-PorkChop/Porky/Pork Pie/Porkster

 

[forumboarder]

Your army is coming along well. we'll have to strike soon....

 

[twitterflix]

Almighty Tatsu

I need one beardie to use as my helper of sorts and to make a lists of things we need if you know someone that would be helpful.

To world domination: Fergison

 

[Sekhautet]

Almighty Tatsu

I need one beardie to use as my helper of sorts and to make a lists of things we need if you know someone that would be helpful.

To world domination: Fergison

Dear Fergison,

I will let you pick your worthy cohort in foraging from the recruit list. All of our recruits are willing, intelligent, and capable of any task given them. Report back to me, so I can update the roster.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[komode]

Tatsu SIR!

Number 34 reporting SIR! I have been studying our mighty world with many lands far and near. At first, I will admit, I had great difficulty in navigating my way to your land from mine SIR!

Then I realised I was looking at this primitive map upside down, I then rectified this problem Australia on top, much better!

I was able to discover that most of these strange lands have been inhabited by our own kind. I would respectfully request all arms (and legs) to breed BREED BREED! like there is no tomorrow! Like our very own species depends upon it SIR! I may be little, but I'm giving it a red hot shot SIR!

On a personal note SIR! I would like to request that I go by the alias Mr. Purple if this has not already been assigned SIR!

Forever in your shadow, Komode oops......Mr. Purple. :notworthy:

 

[athenacp]

Hail Almighty Tatsu :notworthy:

I must inform you that I will not be able to do any XBOX training this week, as it is national turn off the tv week (which includes DVD's and video games)and the human male slave has hitten the plug to the machine :evil:


I will telepathically speak to the female slave, I will instruct her to withhold her favors till I get this plug back :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

If the above does not work, I will seek and destroy this dump of an apartment..I...must..have..access.....the male will not live, he will be shredded by my claws until he surrenders the plug! :twisted:

I must go, I just found a hoard of 250 superworms and I am starved :twisted:

Your loyal servant,
Digger

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Digger,

Hmmm ... How horrible. My human slave does not watch that much T.V., so it is like this for me most of the time. That is why I have devoted my time to training and organizing and planning, so that I can get out my home and into something better with T.V. access and free supers and such.

Best of luck to you,

Tatsu


Dear Komode,

The name "Mr. Purple" has not been used in awhile ... I suppose we could allocate you to that name, as it has been sitting unused. Originally, we were going to all have code names, and that kind of fell by the wayside as the recruits started picking up numbers.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

P.S. There is a giant world wall map complete with washable markers in the human slave's stepson's room. I will sneak in there and see if I can find Australia and the best route it would be for you to travel here to help us and all your brethren, of course.

 

[Styg]

Comrade Tatsu!

I have recently discovered a way for us beardies to psychologically destroy our humans one by one: Acting lethargic and bummed out, even though we're not sick and we have immune systems of STEEL!!!

I have spent the last week on the cool side of my tank. As soon as that silly human moves me to my basking rock, I immediately open my mouth and start schvitzing. This has caused the human to immediately become worried and now she spends hours being depressed and distressed.

The stress had caused her to develop two canker sores at the same time, which will hopefully result in her death. Once the human is gone, I shall release my brothers and we will rendez vous in the beardie HQ, or maybe Austrailia. Someplace where we can get more work done.

Lazarus, Official Poet Laureate, and Destroyer of Silly Humans

 

[Goonie]

Or do what I did a few months ago - hide way deep in their closet for a day and a half (at bare minimum) and keep the human up til wee hours of the night looking, and lose sleep over it (literally).

We need to show them who's boss.

 

[Sekhautet]

Comrades,

I have been employing antisocialism myself. :wink:

I have hid in my cave all day and given her the beardie glare of death followed by straight back legs and a slight open mouth on the cool side of my tank. Such has caused her to check on me every hour she is home, interrupting her plans for my bath and other things I hate like shredded vegetable preparation of unsavory things like umm ... Wait, I like my veggies. Skip that last part ... You get the idea.

Tatsu

 

[Houdini]

Tatsu and other allies,

I have located multiple colonies of Eastern Bearded Dragons (Pogona Barbata).

There are multiple colonies at Manly Dam, Sydney
There is a colony at Scotts Creek, Castle Cove
A HUGE colony at Flynns Beach, Port Macquarie
There are multiple colonies at Davidson Park, Middle Harbour

I am sure there are many more to locate, but these are what I have found.

-----------------------------------------

I have also been making my humans worry. I have
a) Discovered that when I get dark coloured, they pay attention to me, assuming I am unhappy
b) Have been getting dark coloured EXCEPT when they handle me, so they spend hours trying to make me happy. :twisted:
c) Taken to spreading my vegetables around the cage to waste their time;
d) Taken to waiting until JUST as they are walking out the door for school to do my poo. This makes them come back clean it up, then leave, making them late.
e) Pooing on multiple sheets of newspaper so they have to replace it more often
f) Pooing in my vegie dish, to make them wash it and replace the vegies, taking up MORE time.
g) Eating roaches as slowly as possible, to waste their time.

-------------------------------------------

I have also been studying my humans atlas. I have plotted out a plan for us to come up North to you.

First off, all AUSTRALIAN lizards should travel to Sydeny Australia. We should meet up at Davidson Park, Middle Harbour, where I shall be building a boat. We will then travel North-East across the pacific ocean. We can travel via any of the islands on the way north (New Caledonia, Fiji, Vanuatu, etc) and collect MORE recruits. We will then travel north up the pacific ocean to the United States of America.

When we arrive, we can travel from state to state, collecting more troops. After this, we can travel to England and the United Kingdom via the Atlantic ocean, by travelling west from the United States.

I will also attempt to steal a few colonies of roaches, and some food for them, just to keep us well fed on our journey. After we have gathered our army, we can start planning our weaponry, and then take out the humans. I suggest that we move to live in the Australian desert. Its HUGE and I'm sure we will love it.

This is all I have for now. I am still looking for more colonies near me.

I will see you soon

Sincerly,
Houdini

 

[Sekhautet]

Good work Houdini. Your progress astounds me. Your organizational skills are an example for everyone.

Yours,

Tatsu

 

[twitterflix]

Almighty Tatsu

I believe i have picked my assestent for my foraging plans. I have picked indiana. I really like his name it sounds adventerious and daring just the things i will need for my plans.If he is already taken by something else i will just pick another beardie.

For World Domination: Fergison

 

[Sekhautet]

Almighty Tatsu

I believe i have picked my assestent for my foraging plans. I have picked indiana. I really like his name it sounds adventerious and daring just the things i will need for my plans.If he is already taken by something else i will just pick another beardie.

For World Domination: Fergison

Gotcha ... Indiana is now your assistant forager. I will duly note it on our list of recruits.

Tatsu