Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[twitterflix]

Almighty Tatsu

I am sorry that i havent posted in a while i been so busy with this word domination plan. I am posting now to tell you that the hunger stirke is back on and now i am more persistent than ever. No crickets for me just my favorite chicken baby food. that my servent seems to feed me more and more of every day. with me not eating crickets she worried out of her mind and that keeps her more distracted from whats going on in the background.

Still plotting and scheming: Fergison

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear Fergison,

May the beardie force be with you. I sense that your owner will soon cave to your demands. A food strike of two weeks or more will leave their head spinning, trust me. I have done this.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[April&Rand]

Oh, all mighty Tatsu!

I have been practicing my ninja skills! When I am just running around (free of my tank) and Mommy...er, my human Slave walks into the kitchen, I follow with such stelth she has no idea I'm there! Then, as she turns, I puff all up and jump at her, just so Mommy...er, that human doesn't step on me! I wish there was a less dangerous way to practice, but...

There has been something happening outside the windows which has me facinated. It's all white. It comes from the sky. I can't stop staring out that window, watching as it piles against the window. When I can't see anymore, Mommy sets me on-top my carrier so I can see more. My human seems to swear alot when this white keeps growing on the ground. I don't mind it. As long as I have a warm place to crawl into after a while.

I am a little more sleepy than normal. I wonder if it is because of that white stuff? I would love to taste it! But, Mommy keeps tapping me on the nose and telling me I'll become a lizard-cicle. Whatever that is.

Bah. The sooner we can take over the world, the sooner I get to taste that white stuff outside! Mwa ha ha ha!

Rand

 

[tg_spike]

Almighty Tatsu

I am terriblly sorry that I have not contacted you it seems my servent is becoming wary and is keeping to close of an eye on me and has back up. I contacted the humans and they (foolishly) did not acept my proposel. They told me that they would not alow us to take over this world only escape are cages, I mean they will not let us travel on there vechlies I say they are cowards, What do you think I should do.
So far I have kept my hunger strike for a 2 months and will carry on he seems to be cracking.
I await further Commands
Your faithful servent Spike
We will dominate the world :twisted:

 

[Sekhautet]

Almighty Tatsu

I am terriblly sorry that I have not contacted you it seems my servent is becoming wary and is keeping to close of an eye on me and has back up. I contacted the humans and they (foolishly) did not acept my proposel. They told me that they would not alow us to take over this world only escape are cages, I mean they will not let us travel on there vechlies I say they are cowards, What do you think I should do.
So far I have kept my hunger strike for a 2 months and will carry on he seems to be cracking.
I await further Commands
Your faithful servent Spike
We will dominate the world :twisted:

Dear Rand,

That white stuff is called "snow." And from my time in Wisconsin as a young beardie, I remember winter being frigid and chilly. Now that I have moved to New Mexico, things are much better. Though, there was still "snow" here this winter. I think my human is trying to break my spirit. But she will not win. Yesterday, I convinced her to let me bask with the window open. She foolishly left me alone. And I have begun sketching the windows and other exits of my home.

Sincerely,

Tatsu


Dear Spike,

I suggest you try something new. Eat for a few days like a pig. And then nothing for at least two weeks. It will drive your keeper even madder.

As for the humans, that brings a tear to my eye. They have fingers and would be quite helpful in acquiring things for our cause.

Perhaps, we can find more recruits another day.

Yours in World Domination Planning,

Tatsu

 

[athenacp]

Hail Almighty Tatsu,

I may have some good news, the male human has been extremely ill the past 2 weeks with something called "food poisoning" and has not attended to any of my needs, so the human female has been home almost 24/7 and during this entire time period when she was not catering to the male she has catered to my every whim and thought. I have read where we have lost the other humans, but this one is now with us 100%. Perhaps she will still be useful to our cause?

I will continue to communicate with her telepathically and see how much further we can get.

Your servant,
Digger

 

[spike n maddi]

I DESPISE THE HUMANS all they do is give me food and water and pet me WHAT THE!?! I WILL OVERPOWE RYOU ONE DAY I WILL BUILD MY ARMY IN MY POST IN THIS FORUM SURRENDER TATSU!!

 

[tg_spike]

Almight Tatsu

Yes sir I will scoff like a Pig and then fast yes that sounds brilliant. The humans have fled like cowards after I asked them to talk to you.
Sir I have learnt of a force that are out to stop us they are humans but they have a High interlect and they know what we are up to we need to stop. I will gather more infomation on them as we speak I will contact you as fast as I can

Your faithful servent Spike
We will dominate this world

:twisted:

 

[Sekhautet]

I DESPISE THE HUMANS all they do is give me food and water and pet me WHAT THE!?! I WILL OVERPOWE RYOU ONE DAY I WILL BUILD MY ARMY IN MY POST IN THIS FORUM SURRENDER TATSU!!

My friend, I fear that is does not help our cause to be at war with one another. If you wish to join our army, you are welcome to do so. I think you misunderstand what Digger is posting. There are some humans that are pliable and malleable enough that we may coax them into helping with our World Domination Takeover Plan. While I understand your dislike of the human slaves and how much they leave a bitter taste in your mouth, I also know that having an insider's advantage can sometimes lead to greater victories.

Sincerely,

Tatsu



Dear Blaise,

I responded to your PM. Welcome to the army legion. I am sorry that you are so frustrated in communicating with your human slaves.

My sympathies,

Tatsu



Dear Digger,

Yeeeesssss .... A human slave that is a truly a slave. What a concept! I eagerly await more news.

Yours In World Domination Organizing,

Tatsu


My Dear Spike,

Yes, the humans are an evil force that turns the sweetest taste of supers bitter and the best butternut squash black. I understand your anger.

Sincerely,

Tatsu
A.K.A. The scaly rat

 

[Styg]

Dear so-called "Almighty Tatsu",

I, being a very territorial and domineering beardie, intend to negate your so-called "superiority." I think that I am the better choice to lead our scaley brethren in beardie world domination. Because I look meaner, my beard is blacker, and my headbob is fiercer than yours. And my snout is extra-pointy.

And so, I challenge you in a headbobbing contest. Me and you, The Basking Rock, in oh-2 hours. Winner gets to lead the beardie world domination, and he gets all the lady beardies. You're going down.

Sincerely,
Lazarus

 

[Sekhautet]

Dear so-called "Almighty Tatsu",

I, being a very territorial and domineering beardie, intend to negate your so-called "superiority." I think that I am the better choice to lead our scaley brethren in beardie world domination. Because I look meaner, my beard is blacker, and my headbob is fiercer than yours. And my snout is extra-pointy.

And so, I challenge you in a headbobbing contest. Me and you, The Basking Rock, in oh-2 hours. Winner gets to lead the beardie world domination, and he gets all the lady beardies. You're going down.

Sincerely,
Lazarus

Dear Lazarus,

I never referred to myself as Almighty ... Other people have posted as that ... LOL ... I can't help what they post.

If you wish to black beard at me, go ahead. Mike does it all the time when he gets ornery, and it still hasn't changed anything. I just want to make things better for my fellow bethren. In fact, I wasn't even the one who started this post, other beardies did. If you wish to start your own army, by all means do so, and perhaps, you and I can join forces to World Domination? I have been posting about World Domination for more than one year now, and it is a standing joke with my owner about my personality, silly human slave that she is.

If you choose to start your own army, that would be great. I am territorial about my home as well, but I understand that united we are stronger than divided. My fight is not against other beardies, but human domination, i.e. enslavement and control of my personal being in a home they picked out for me, no control over my own food and snacks or my light schedule, and having to wear stupid costumes for The Leather Lizard like the Snow White outfit that Mr. Mike felt was too "feminine" for him, but everyone thought I wouldn't mind. *huff*

And as for Loiosh, I know that her heart belongs to me, so if you must go after other female beardies, by all means, do that. But leave my sweet Loiosh out of this.

Also, Mike has a girlfriend that is quite loyal to her, though I can't remember her name. She might have something say about this too. I think that you are quite a handsome beardie, in a platonic way, of course, who is quite a ladies man. By all means, go out and get yourself a girlfriend or three if you want. My heart belongs solely to Loiosh though, and that is where it will stay. :love5:

Now ... If you care to headbob duel, we can, but I really feel that this type of behavior is not in the best interest of World Domination. But you must proceed as you see fit, as you are your own beardie with free destiny.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

P.S. Please let me know if you decide to coordinate your own faction. We can collaborate together and make twice as much mischief. :twisted:

P.P.S. If you are going to help in World Domination, I highly suggest NOT letting your owner call you "Lazy" any more and post about how you sit around and don't do anything. I suggest you run around and wreak havoc all the time like I do to promote an image of chaos, if you are not already plotting to do so right now. But really, tell her to stop calling you "Lazy." It doesn't promote a very good image for one who is so intelligent and interested in our cause. You are not Lazy, as I can see by you typing this spirited email. Shame on her for calling you so. If only she knew that you were scheming and plotting to make things better for yourself. Yeah, that's really "lazy." *huff* Don't you just hate how our human slaves give us these annoying nicknames that demean and demasculate us? Honestly, that 's one thing I hope World Domination will take care of for us -- useless pet names ... If she knew the things that I call her ... :twisted:

Well ... I'm off for a super snack. I have thorougly enjoyed this correspondence.

Tatsu


To My Loyal Army,

I want you all to know that our strength is in numbers. And that all of you play an important role, and that none of you is less important than me. I consider all of us to be equal in our cause. And I look forward to hearing any suggestions from you, and will continue to give you my advice as you ask for it. I am proud to be the leader of your army, and that so many of you have faith in my abilities to lead us to freedom and I will continue to work hard to make that happen.

Sincerely Yours In World Domination,

Tatsu
A.K.A. Scaly Rat With a Plan

 

[Sekhautet]

I DESPISE THE HUMANS all they do is give me food and water and pet me WHAT THE!?! I WILL OVERPOWE RYOU ONE DAY I WILL BUILD MY ARMY IN MY POST IN THIS FORUM SURRENDER TATSU!!

I will not surrender. In fact, I will again point out that other beardies have sought me out, not the other way around. I was planning my own World Domination Takeover in 2006 by myself, and other beardies thought it sounded like a good idea to collaborate. If you choose to go it on your own, then I wish you the best of luck. I am sure that there are other deviant and conniving beardies like myself out there who can help you, but since I am four now, I do have quite a bit of experience in the standoffs against and ultimate control of human slaves. If you wish to pick my brain, feel free to do so ... Otherwise, I wish you luck. I think we share the same ideals and it is a shame that we need to be divided. The greater our numbers together, the more likely we are to dominate humankind. Pinky and The Brain were a great team ... Just to remind you ...

Yours In World Domination,

Tatsu

P.S. I feel I have made it clear that I do NOT wish to dominate the world by myself, but that all of us "scaly rats" as my human slave calls us, should create better lives for ourselves and our brethren. By no means have I posted that I wish to rule everything by myself. It's called World Domination Takeover 2007, not Tatsu World Domination Takeover. (The Takeover implies for the good of all of us cold blooded children. I thought that was clear. I am planning and scheming and plotting and conniving for the good of reptiles everywhere, beardie, snake, gecko, and all the others.) *salutes his World Domination Takeover 2007 flag* Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get a snack. All this typing has left me rumbly in my tumbly. :lol:

 

[Styg]

Well, it seems that I was on a bit of a raspberry high, and I might have misunderstood your intentions. Very well then, Brother Tatsu, we shall join forces. Add me to the list (But not next to Thor's name... that wimp is in no way affiliated with me!).

BTW, I agree with your statement on being called "Lazy".... and I have suffered the indignation of being called "Lazy-Daisy" more times than I would care to admit... The humans are going down :twisted:

Your friend,
Lazarus

P.S. I could headbob your beard off if it was'nt bedtime right now...zzzzz...

 

[spike n maddi]

I WILL NOT GIVE IN!!

TAAAAATSU!!!
DICK CHENEY AND I WILL KICK YOUR VENTS!

 

[ChrisCR261]

Dear Tatsu,

I am currently working on forgeing an alliance with the alien's the humans call "Predators". I killed one of them already to show my superiority! They are in awe and talks are being instigated when the talking gorilla is away. I shall let you know how the talks with them go!!

- Gooberclese, mightest of the goobers.