Tatsu: Can I join your army?

Dear Tatsu,

After the abuse I have suffered over the last few months, I would like to enlist in your army to help with world domination.

I have always been a very mellow dragon--I've never bitten anyone, I eat my salad, I sometimes poop in the right place, and I rarely complain about anything. I've only black-bearded once because I got scared. I always flash a cute smile and cuddle with my people.

To thank me for my good behavior, my people have resorted to torture--for months!

In September, I decided that it was time to brumate so I casually started to hide. All a dragon wants is a little sleep, you know? Would they let me? No! My people took me out of my cave and kept forcing me into the heat. I should have started biting then, but I was just too sleepy. Besides, I figured I could sneak into the cave when they weren't looking. To add insult to injury, they took away my cave so I couldn't do that either. Then, on top of everything else, they made me drink some yucky medicine because I supposedly had pinworms. Once I got better, they forced me to take more medicine because I supposedly had coccidia. How much torture is one dragon expected to take? I just wanted to sleep.

Well, after months of forced sleep-deprivation and medicine, they finally let me sleep. It was too late at that point. My rage started to build, and I almost contacted you.

Now, the torture has continued even more! I have decided to wake up because I've been feeling a bit amorous, shall we say. You'd think the people would be happy to see me awake. I've been running around, trying to get their attention, but what do they do? They just stand there and watch me. They distract me when I'm working up a black beard and take away my thunder. To top it off, they won't bring me a date! I don't ask for much. Let me sleep when I'm tired, and bring me a woman when I'm awake!

I've had it! I'm fed up! This torture has to stop.

Are you accepting new recruits? We can't allow dragons to suffer in this way!

Sincerely,
Aztec

P.S. They've nicknamed me Mr. Spaz which is highly demeaning in my present state.

 

[MALIBUSMOM]

Hope its nothing serious.My human slave had surgery in June now she has been keeping her eye on me ALL day.I can not even try to escape any more.
i have been eating the same amount as did when i was gravid just to get her out of the house to go get more food....now she doesn't even do that she orders take out from mikes Premium Crickets.
Everytime she dusts my food w/ that horrid calcium i will not go to the bathroom the next day Im hoping shell take the hint..
Hope & pay you don't get the Eagle eye on you.
Malibu

 

[Sekhautet]

Hope its nothing serious.My human slave had surgery in June now she has been keeping her eye on me ALL day.I can not even try to escape any more.
i have been eating the same amount as did when i was gravid just to get her out of the house to go get more food....now she doesn't even do that she orders take out from mikes Premium Crickets.
Everytime she dusts my food w/ that horrid calcium i will not go to the bathroom the next day Im hoping shell take the hint..
Hope & pay you don't get the Eagle eye on you.
Malibu

Dear Malibu,

I am writing this under the influence of mom's vicodin, which I have stolen and stashed in my stump for our troops, if we need it. She is very sleepy and very out of it. So I have full control of the house for now.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[MALIBUSMOM]

The only good part of the surgery Happy pills...Enjoy your time now becouse before you know it she'll
be back at it & have way to much time to "observe" you.

 

[Sekhautet]

The only good part of the surgery Happy pills...Enjoy your time now becouse before you know it she'll
be back at it & have way to much time to "observe" you.

I took a vacation troops, while my human slave took those happy pills. Though, you and I know that I was realllllly working on our plans. :wink:

Today I woke up from brumation in my stump :wink: :wink: There was no salad. :evil:

I got some promptly, rest assured.

I was thinking, we have all been working very hard on our WORLD DOMINATION 2008 campaign. The year is drawing to a close and we have not rested one day. We have all sacrificed and made considerable progress, so I think a reward is due. Party at my house! :mrgreen:

Viva la World Domination!

Sincerely,

Tatsu

P.S. Can someone send me some live feeders? I'm hungry after brumation. :wink:

If they do not arrive before tomorrow morning, I am not coming out of my stump. The weather is turning with a cold front coming through. Horrors. :shock:

 

[MALIBUSMOM]

Say no more,supers & crickets on the way,today we had apt. inspection i overheard human telling sister
she was going to hide the supers & crickes in the closet just in case they didn't approve.just got 200
supers from some other slave in the chain named Mike.
any way inspector came & really took a liken to me & spoke of an iguana at the rec center down the road not far from the playground where i laid all my eggs this summer.As soon as sping gets here i will
be dragging her down there to recruit "Rosie" from what i hear she is quite large & can really help us as
she has her own gardening club every summer.....whoo hooo strawberrries & watermelon...buffett
style all we can eat!!!

 

[Sekhautet]

Ooo ... Another iggy to the cause. That would be great.

 

[duke11]

Sure Tatsu, I have a few extra superworms so I will send those on express mail as soon as possible, sir! If we are going to have a party at your house, I'm in! I'll make a cake with extra supers! My human is only 12 so she's at school a lot. I get the whole house to myself and on Wednesday I'm going to Jamaica! Yep, this is the life alright!

Duke

 

[Sekhautet]

Sure Tatsu, I have a few extra superworms so I will send those on express mail as soon as possible, sir! If we are going to have a party at your house, I'm in! I'll make a cake with extra supers! My human is only 12 so she's at school a lot. I get the whole house to myself and on Wednesday I'm going to Jamaica! Yep, this is the life alright!

Duke

Dear Duke,

On a solitary mission or as a prisoner of your human slave to Jamaica? I hope you will fair alright.

And thank you for the super cake for the party. That will be lovely.

Sincerely,

Tatsu

 

[duke11]

Actually, there is a change in plans. Bently the turtle knows a guy who knows a guy who has a private island complete with bugs and basking sites. I will be staying there and will get a private jet there. It is a tropical island in the Pacific. There will be lots of space in the jet, so if anyone would like to accompany me on my trip, just let me know. We beardies need vacations once in a while and I haven't had one since the UK invasion. Remember, around the clock basking, the freshest, fattest, and most high quality bugs, and overstuffed pillows await us so don't hesitate to reply!

Duke

P.S. Bently likes to go on vacation a lot so there may be more opportunities if you can't make it!

 

[Tatty]

General Tatsu:

Please honor us with your reply. I am sorry we temporarily fell out of contact, but we had to spend some time mourning the loss of Bob who crossed over the rainbow bridge in loyal service. Popcorn and I have liberated another male beardie named Cooper from a family that didn't want him anymore. He has now joined our legion and both Popcorn and I have been vying for his affections. I "Tatty" am pround to anounce that I have successfully taken a short maternity leave to produce potentially 22 new troops that will enter bootcamp some time this Spring. Our spirits are high and we want to "fight the good fight" for you General Tatsu and our fallen comrade Bob.

Loyally yours,
"Tatty" future mother of 22 new inductees
Popcorn-royal grandmother and matriarch
Cooper-the handsome new inductee
Barnabus-the nigerian uromastyx
Digger-the handsome male mali uromasty
Fireball-Diggers mate, finally back from 3 months of reconaissance in the female slave's house
Socks-the steadfast Red Footed tortoise

 

[lizardfreak08]

Lol, since when can a beardie write about world domination.What's up with the turture. lol

 

[MALIBUSMOM]

Well....It probly started w/the invention of happy pills!

 

[FireWolf181]

Lol, since when can a beardie write about world domination.What's up with the turture. lol

I am Not surewhether you are a human or not but be you a human and you do not watch your mouth be careful for i have just come out of solitary confinement, my claws are sharp and my mind is thirsty.[inappropriate comment removed by moderator please remember this is a pg-13 forum

The BloodThirsty Dragon
CHARLIE

 

[Sekhautet]

Lol, since when can a beardie write about world domination.What's up with the turture. lol

*Sek hijacks keyboard from Tatsu* Just a friendly online joke started by a member a loooong time ago. You can write from the perspective of your beardies. Feel welcome to join in ... or not ... Your choice. We'd be glad to have you.

 

[Sekhautet]

Actually, there is a change in plans. Bently the turtle knows a guy who knows a guy who has a private island complete with bugs and basking sites. I will be staying there and will get a private jet there. It is a tropical island in the Pacific. There will be lots of space in the jet, so if anyone would like to accompany me on my trip, just let me know. We beardies need vacations once in a while and I haven't had one since the UK invasion. Remember, around the clock basking, the freshest, fattest, and most high quality bugs, and overstuffed pillows await us so don't hesitate to reply!

Duke

P.S. Bently likes to go on vacation a lot so there may be more opportunities if you can't make it!

Oh dear! I think I missed your vacation on the private island. I was invaded by the human slave's "parents" and they were here for about two weeks, so my operations were secret, secret covert then. They are gone now.

Things can resume as normal.

Sincerely,

Tatsu