Leonard peacefully went in his sleep 9/3/2023. 7 years never went so fast. He had fought so hard with me over two months of syringe feeding and hyper maintenance- I had the "oh my god something is not okay with my buddy" moment on July 4...I spent it laying with him. He battled so hard for the two months. I gave it my all to give him comfort and try and get nutrients and fought so hard to correct what was a losing battle with what was believed to be cancer. At the end of the day I realize he gave it HIS all even more so. He ended up refusing food entirely and at that point he had a few days of youthful vigor before an immediate harsh decline on Friday 9/1..his eyes completely sunk in...i held onto him telling him I know--that I loved him so much - I called my gf as it was Friday afternoon to come home immediately from work because I thought he was making his exit to say goodbye (I wfh and called off as soon as I saw him not doing good on my lunch) Even in his roughest state he only black bearded once. It's like he knew Gina was coming home and his eyes came back and he spent that night with us. I had very wishful thinking "maybe we got lucky we can still fight" I told him I'd make his smoothies and syringe feed him every day he's willing to be here. Saturday his eyes were closed the entire day but he was here. I told him how much he's meant to me... held him. He didn't open his eyes but he kept his head up the entire day like a champion.
I think in my heart Saturday night when I put him in his pack-and-play next to our bed that it felt like it was his time-- not consciously. My girlfriend and I both had a moment looking at him and just verbally noted that he looked really cozy.
I woke up to my alarm on Sunday morning and turned on his heat pad. I felt his hand and arm like I have done every night over the two months and was so thankful it wasn't stiff. My first bearded dragon Rocko passed at age 4 and I'm forever haunted by the rigor. I had checked Leonard's hand or leg any time I was awake in the night to check (probably annoyed him haha) I felt like he was going to battle longer -- I hit snooze for 45 minutes. Picked him up in his blanket and broke down in tears. I vomited..begged him not to go and tried to give him mouth to mouth.
All things I'm sure he would have wanted!
My heart is so broken but when I think about Leonard and the pattern followed to his exit...it was almost like he did it in a way to lessen the emotional blow. He made a gentle exit..he was a gentle bearded dragon and said everything with his eyes. He had given me two months in which I spent almost every moment I wasn't working with him... I would get off work,grab Leonard and we'd nap every day. Leonard would reach for me from the ground and run up to me. I took him outside for time in the grass (something I only did that once regretfully in 7 years-- out of irrational fear of him being carried away by a hawk or eating something poisonous... I'm told I'm a helicopter parent) -- I let him finally run under the couch which he did even when he had significant loss of coordination...multiple- times! This was something he wanted to do his entire life and oh my god he looked so happy every time. He gave me confidence that our bond was indeed special. I've never had a bond like it.
Leonard came into my life at a rough time in my life --- right at the moment when I had "I need to get it together" clarity. I had just quit smoking cigarettes, marijuana and drinking...this was after my first bearded dragon had passed and I blamed myself for being a loser. I quit all of that stuff and never looked back. Leonard was kind of a marker for me of self improvement... but also he was just my guy through all that comes with that.. through everything... the light at the end of any bad day..through a crazy pandemic which allowed me even more time him..allowed me to work from home with him! That was always the dream and a silver lining in such a stressful worldwide health crisis.
So many beautiful, funny, happy moments were a direct result of his antics and attitude.. he was incredibly sweet. Spent every night on me winding down watching shows. I can feel his beard plopped on my face.
You mean and meant so much to me and Gina buddy. I will look forward to seeing you again. I will keep you alive in my thoughts always. I love you!
Photos:
Leonard after traversing the under-couch realm:
Leonard on his outside adventure. (Wish I gave you so much more of these days.)
Older...in his old home. Pretty sure he liked his fish tank way more than the zen habitat I got him in April...
This is how he would always predict the Edmonton Oilers losing! Use to beg him not to go into his block late in the 3rd period. I swear this was like 100% gty they're losing if Leonard goes into the block!
Skeptical of his second home... probably after seeing how frustrated I was building this thing. Just get ready for plastic shavings everywhere and required heavy use of a mallet...
My favorite picture:
I think in my heart Saturday night when I put him in his pack-and-play next to our bed that it felt like it was his time-- not consciously. My girlfriend and I both had a moment looking at him and just verbally noted that he looked really cozy.
I woke up to my alarm on Sunday morning and turned on his heat pad. I felt his hand and arm like I have done every night over the two months and was so thankful it wasn't stiff. My first bearded dragon Rocko passed at age 4 and I'm forever haunted by the rigor. I had checked Leonard's hand or leg any time I was awake in the night to check (probably annoyed him haha) I felt like he was going to battle longer -- I hit snooze for 45 minutes. Picked him up in his blanket and broke down in tears. I vomited..begged him not to go and tried to give him mouth to mouth.
All things I'm sure he would have wanted!
My heart is so broken but when I think about Leonard and the pattern followed to his exit...it was almost like he did it in a way to lessen the emotional blow. He made a gentle exit..he was a gentle bearded dragon and said everything with his eyes. He had given me two months in which I spent almost every moment I wasn't working with him... I would get off work,grab Leonard and we'd nap every day. Leonard would reach for me from the ground and run up to me. I took him outside for time in the grass (something I only did that once regretfully in 7 years-- out of irrational fear of him being carried away by a hawk or eating something poisonous... I'm told I'm a helicopter parent) -- I let him finally run under the couch which he did even when he had significant loss of coordination...multiple- times! This was something he wanted to do his entire life and oh my god he looked so happy every time. He gave me confidence that our bond was indeed special. I've never had a bond like it.
Leonard came into my life at a rough time in my life --- right at the moment when I had "I need to get it together" clarity. I had just quit smoking cigarettes, marijuana and drinking...this was after my first bearded dragon had passed and I blamed myself for being a loser. I quit all of that stuff and never looked back. Leonard was kind of a marker for me of self improvement... but also he was just my guy through all that comes with that.. through everything... the light at the end of any bad day..through a crazy pandemic which allowed me even more time him..allowed me to work from home with him! That was always the dream and a silver lining in such a stressful worldwide health crisis.
So many beautiful, funny, happy moments were a direct result of his antics and attitude.. he was incredibly sweet. Spent every night on me winding down watching shows. I can feel his beard plopped on my face.
You mean and meant so much to me and Gina buddy. I will look forward to seeing you again. I will keep you alive in my thoughts always. I love you!
Photos:
Leonard after traversing the under-couch realm:
Leonard on his outside adventure. (Wish I gave you so much more of these days.)
Older...in his old home. Pretty sure he liked his fish tank way more than the zen habitat I got him in April...
This is how he would always predict the Edmonton Oilers losing! Use to beg him not to go into his block late in the 3rd period. I swear this was like 100% gty they're losing if Leonard goes into the block!
Skeptical of his second home... probably after seeing how frustrated I was building this thing. Just get ready for plastic shavings everywhere and required heavy use of a mallet...
My favorite picture:
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