Goodbye my sweet friend,
My bestest boy, my angel, my son, my absolute everything, sleep well.
I had to say goodbye to Oswald last night, the plan was for our goodbye to be today, but unfortunately he let me know that he wasn’t going to make it through the night and needed this now. So we went to an emergency vet because in my heart I knew that it was the right thing to do. He was getting pretty severe neurological problems starting yesterday morning and was unable to move his arms or legs, which caused a potentially fatal fall on his back over the early morning previous. (It luckily woke me up and I was able to flip him). For the past several days its been a permanent dark black beard, he was suffering, it was clear and I knew I had to call it that evening.
I’ve never felt pain like this before. I’ve never felt what it feels like when you have cried so hard your skin is raw. I’ve never thrown up from grief before. I’ve also never had my best friend, my soul mate and my son die in my arms wrapped in a blanket, there are firsts for everything I guess.
Despite the absolute gut wrenching pain I am feeling, I am relieved, I know he is resting in peace, no suffering no black beard. As he was dying in my arms, I kid you not, I saw the darkness leave his beard, his orange eyeliner return and some of the brightest yellows and oranges I’ve ever seen on him. He was at peace, he was free from the gasping breaths and the laboured coughing. No more was his blood so thick he was suffocating, and no more was he completely and utterly decimated by chemotherapy. In that moment, all my questions, all my worries all my wonders that maybe I was making the wrong decision vanished. I knew in that moment that this was the most loving thing I could ever do for him.
In his final moments I sang to him: Here Comes the Sun, which is the song my mother would sing to him every single morning when she turned his lights on, and became a tradition for his comfort when me and him moved to college. In his final moments I know he heard this. I know he heard me singing and I know he felt my love.
Rest in peace Oswald, may you have all the blue wormies.
I love you, so so much
My bestest boy, my angel, my son, my absolute everything, sleep well.
I had to say goodbye to Oswald last night, the plan was for our goodbye to be today, but unfortunately he let me know that he wasn’t going to make it through the night and needed this now. So we went to an emergency vet because in my heart I knew that it was the right thing to do. He was getting pretty severe neurological problems starting yesterday morning and was unable to move his arms or legs, which caused a potentially fatal fall on his back over the early morning previous. (It luckily woke me up and I was able to flip him). For the past several days its been a permanent dark black beard, he was suffering, it was clear and I knew I had to call it that evening.
I’ve never felt pain like this before. I’ve never felt what it feels like when you have cried so hard your skin is raw. I’ve never thrown up from grief before. I’ve also never had my best friend, my soul mate and my son die in my arms wrapped in a blanket, there are firsts for everything I guess.
Despite the absolute gut wrenching pain I am feeling, I am relieved, I know he is resting in peace, no suffering no black beard. As he was dying in my arms, I kid you not, I saw the darkness leave his beard, his orange eyeliner return and some of the brightest yellows and oranges I’ve ever seen on him. He was at peace, he was free from the gasping breaths and the laboured coughing. No more was his blood so thick he was suffocating, and no more was he completely and utterly decimated by chemotherapy. In that moment, all my questions, all my worries all my wonders that maybe I was making the wrong decision vanished. I knew in that moment that this was the most loving thing I could ever do for him.
In his final moments I sang to him: Here Comes the Sun, which is the song my mother would sing to him every single morning when she turned his lights on, and became a tradition for his comfort when me and him moved to college. In his final moments I know he heard this. I know he heard me singing and I know he felt my love.
Rest in peace Oswald, may you have all the blue wormies.
I love you, so so much
they are not like other pets, the pain of loosing them is much more severe. Truely my heart goes out to you.
