Grief my baby girl Whitey

[rubymiss]

My 4YO baby girl Whitey passed two weeks ago, I am very shock and cant accept it. Whitey was a 505 gram strong crazy eater and super active. 10/23 I took her to exotic Vet had overal wellness check due to coming brumation. 10/24 Whitey got CT scan and I got inform that she has large area of organ swelling especially reproductive system and GI system and free fluid in her body plus slightly high white blood cell, need surgery right away to remove her reproductive system and drain fluid , have a swab to see the possibly infection before it get worse. I didnt hestitate to do that because mine other female had peritonitis almost sepsis due to rupture egg inside and she show NO sign till her situation drop down overnight so I send her to ER surgery to save her life. 10/25 next day Whitey got surgery, she made it through surgery,10/26 she woke up early went to bask, eat slurry, poop, which make me feel everything is OK , 2pm I back from school, Whitey was extremely drawsy and had a weird breathing( like yawning but stronger and constant) I rush her to ER, Vet said her heart beat is very slow possibly due to anesthesia, should be ok10/27 morning Whitey passed away. I don't know why!? she was so active couple days ago even after surgery she act so strong but all of the sudden she just gone, Vet said she might have underline disease that doesn't show on blood work. Even though I keep blaming my self to rush her to surgery, I blame my self went to school the day after her surgery, I blame myself not finding other solution to treat her, I cant stop crying, everything happen too quick. I found thousands of reason to blame myself, I don't know how to go through this grieving time. Anyone have grieving experience plz share with me. I feel so difficult now!

 

[Lyrebird.Rainwing]

I am very sorry for your loss. Hawthorn welcomes them into lizard heaven with open arms

 

[xp29]

I'm so sorry to hear her story, the 2 beardies I've lost over the years was very quickly and unexpectedly. I know how bad it hurts. You sincerely have my condolences.

 

[Drache613]

Hello,

I am so sorry to hear of your sudden
loss of Whitney. It is so shocking to
lose them for seemingly no reason at
all, without any warning. It makes it
hard to deal with because you have no
opportunity to deal with the loss so
suddenly.
Grief is something that really gets to
you. It's hard to get past & it takes time
to move past the sadness. Try to focus
on the happier times with her if you can.
When you are ready, you can try making
a photo album to help with memories.
I am very sorry your lost her so young.
We are all here for you.

My condolences.
Tracie

 

[AHBD]

I'm so so very sorry to hear about this traumatic event. It's a terrible thing to lose a pet and words from others can comfort us only to a degree at first because the pain is so sharp and new, almost unreal. Then we wonder " what if I had done this or not done , etc, making ourselves accessory to the death. Please don't blame yourself.....you cared deeply for Whitey and would have done anything to save her. It was just too much.
My heart goes out to you, stay strong and know that others care about your grief.

 

[Nikki.D]

I am very sorry for what you had to experience. Now Whitney will be in no pain. You did the right thing taking her to the exotics vet.