Coping with Euthanasia

I have been reeling in my head over what happened yesterday.
I came home to find my husband in hysterics. When I was gone and he was napping in the bedroom, the lock to my bearded dragon Axiom's enclosure was unlocked and he had fallen out during that time. Sadly, our Shiba Inu got a hold of him breaking his back and leaving several puncture wounds. His beard was completely black and his mouth was open.
Immediately we rushed him to the emergency exotic animal hospital. The doctor told us that he definitely broke his back leaving his hind legs paralyzed. He was also in an extreme amount of pain which was evident. She suggested we put him to sleep as his quality of life would be very low if we were to keep him alive.
As he lay there sedated, when we touched the base of his tail his back legs would twitch. When we told the Doctor she said something about the nerves and how it looks like something it isn't.
We ended up putting him to sleep to end his suffering but now as this long day draws on I keep thinking in my head the 'what if'. What if we kept him alive and somehow he recovered. What if those legs moving were a sign that he may move again.
I just keep wondering if we did the right thing..
I am writing this in hopes of suggestions for closure. If anyone has had to do this or any suggestions for coping.
Axiom meant the entire world to me. He was everything and I feel like I failed him. I miss my boy.

Oh what a tragedy, I'm truly so sorry to hear this. Your post caught my eye specifically because I had to put my girl down last week and I'm having a really tough time dealing with it as well. I totally understand every emotion you described - the guilt, the "what ifs," wondering what I could/should have done differently. A lot of non-beardie owners don't understand how in love you fall with these amazing animals.

Last week when I was trying to make the horrific decision to either put my sick girl down or try aggressive treatment, my aunt told me this: "By choosing euthanasia, you are not ending her life, you are ending her death." Those words hit me hard and actually brought me a lot of peace. I hope you can take those words and apply them to your own situation, because it's true. In the end, euthanasia is sometimes the kindest thing we can do for our pets. Sometimes, it's the ultimate sign of love. That doesn't make it easier at first, but in time I expect it will.

This is what I've been trying to tell myself in order to cope with my own loss: I know I made some mistakes as a beardie mom. I know there are things I could have done differently... maybe one of those things would mean my beardie is here today. Maybe not. At the end of the day, nothing is going to undo time, nothing is going to bring her back. And as absolutely heart breaking and painful as that is right now, I know that every single moment with my girl was a learning experience. The amazing times and the horrible times have been such valuable lessons, and when I'm ready to adopt another beardie, I know those lessons will make me an even better mom.

Again, I'm sorry for the tragedy you are experiencing. I feel so sorry for you, your family, and poor little Axiom. Just know that in the end, you did the hard but kind thing by taking him out of his pain. It sounds like your family has a lot of love to give and in time when you're ready, your experiences with Axiom will make another pet (whether it's a beardie or not) a very lucky animal.

I take it this was the result a your dog (?) attacking the dragon ?

You did the best thing you could for the injured dragon. I know how you are feeling as I lost my much loved very smoogy companion Peppa just under week ago - in her case it was an aggressive hidden tumor and she died of a heart attack while being comforted by my wife and me.

Did you get to cuddle your dragon while she was going off for her eternal sleep ?

@melissamott124 I appreciate your response so much. I am saddened that you had to go through this and that you lost your girl. It somehow makes me feel better knowing I am not going through this alone and your words were much needed. The quote from your aunt hit me hard as well and makes the decision make a little bit more sense. The mistakes were made and in the end the past cannot be rewritten. I will definitely take what I've learned and use it if a new dragon friend comes along. I can tell that you have a kind heart and I am thankful for the things you have said. May your sweet girl rest in peace <3

@kingofnobbys Yes the horrific result of a dog attack. My deepest sympathy for your baby Peppa, that is so heartbreaking. I am glad to know you and your wife could be by her side in the end. I am sure you had each other for comfort after her passing. I hope you both got to spend some quality time with her before she moved on<3 Me and my husband got to cuddle him while he was sedated in his last moments before the injection. Precious time I will never forget.

AxiomForever":rdvzwjjr said:

@melissamott124 I appreciate your response so much. I am saddened that you had to go through this and that you lost your girl. It somehow makes me feel better knowing I am not going through this alone and your words were much needed. The quote from your aunt hit me hard as well and makes the decision make a little bit more sense. The mistakes were made and in the end the past cannot be rewritten. I will definitely take what I've learned and use it if a new dragon friend comes along. I can tell that you have a kind heart and I am thankful for the things you have said. May your sweet girl rest in peace <3

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Thank you so much for your kind words! Yes you're certainly not going through this alone, and I'm glad you reached out to this incredibly kind and helpful community. I hope you find your peace soon, your boy is resting easy now. <3

AxiomForever":1a2jj2kv said:

@kingofnobbys Yes the horrific result of a dog attack. My deepest sympathy for your baby Peppa, that is so heartbreaking. I am glad to know you and your wife could be by her side in the end. I am sure you had each other for comfort after her passing. I hope you both got to spend some quality time with her before she moved on<3 Me and my husband got to cuddle him while he was sedated in his last moments before the injection. Precious time I will never forget.

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We were both getting teary eyed when ever we looked at Peppa's dark and forlorn looking tank , I really missed her company and companionship (she spend a lot time as my special scale child being having snuggles, or sitting on the chair next to me (while I was internetting or watching tv or while playing board games with grandson) and she liked exploring the kitchen+lounge+dining area & hallway, looking out the window , watching her humans.

We decided to get two baby beardies , they'll not replace Peppa who was very special , but will give us a great distraction and something positive to focus on and help us heal emotionally. They'll be collected from the breeder tomorrow.

I am so sorry to hear about your dragon--- you are the second person now that I know that their dog has gotten to their dragon-- it is heart breaking I know to lose them when you have gotten so attached-- you will haft to give yourself time to heal and yes it will be hard looking at that empty tank w/ the lights off -- I too know that experience but not from losing my dragon like you did but because she was old -- in time you may want to get another one but for now grieve and heal ---
Karrie

@kingofnobbys I know that same feeling walking into the room where there used to be a happy dragon looking out from within his bright space. We've had a few good cries by that empty tank. It feels so dark and empty without him there.
That is awesome how she used to hang out with you, it sounds like Peppa and Axiom where similar in that they liked to explore the house. Occasionally being a naughty dragon and trying to get to places he wasn't allowed (behind stove or the laundry room). I'm happy for you that you are welcoming two new babies to your home. Nothing will ever replace our old friends and what they taught us we will always hold dear. I can't wait for you to bring them home, I know they will love you both and enjoy a long happy life together.

@KarrieRee Thank you for your message, it's going to be hard to forgive our dog what for she did. I know time will heal but it's hard to be around her at the moment. It is very hard to lose your beloved dragon. It sure has been sad to see that empty, dark tank. Me and my husband will need much time for healing before another dragon comes into our lives. But I know we love these lizards and life wouldn't feel complete without one. I'm sorry you have had to go through something similar, especially with an older friend.
Today we had a memorial for Axiom and buried him in our garden. <3

I am so sorry about the loss of your baby Axiom. I'm sure he was the most beloved dragon! I'm getting teary eyed just reading about all these comments and I just want to give my heart felt condolences to you and your husband. I am so so sorry that it was your dog that attacked poor Axiom and that you have to go through the pain of seeing him/her everyday, but know that it wasn't on purpose, but rather they though he may have been a play toy of the sort, but either way I'm saddened for the both of the pains you have to endure. Hugs and thoughts to you and your little family!

@vrenee1018 I appreciate you taking the time to comment with your heartfelt words. These comments have helped with coping in so many ways and I am grateful for everyone who has shared their stories and sympathies. Axiom was loved with my whole heart. My mom said the same thing about our dog and how she probably thought he was a toy. She has been moping around the house so I feel in someway she must know what she did. I am starting to forgive her for not knowing any better and I try not to think of the act that took place. Me and my husband thank you for reaching out, it means a lot.