Why I haven't been on the website anymore.

I unfortunately have very sad news.
If you didn't know, my beardie Swordtail was experiencing lack of appetite and respiratory infection-like symptoms about 2 months or so ago. I brought him to the vet and the vets thought it was a respiratory infection too and gave me medicine for it. He started to gain weight and was eating a tiny bit but the breathing problems weren't getting better. I bought him to the vet again and she got blood from him to do blood work and gave me some more medicine for him. It was a bit before the 3rd vet visit that he started to decline. He COMPLETELY stopped eating, lost a bunch of weight, and became lethargic. The vet was unable to get anything from the tests she did and told me that she would do some more testing. I would give him blended up worms and greens in a syringe and would soak him daily. He was getting slightly better but on June 11th, it all happened. I went to check on him and he was struggling to breathe. I called over my mom but it was too late and he died in her arms. It was absolutely devastating and I was heart-broken. I didn't even sleep that night. Every night after that happened, if I even sleep at all, I get horrible nightmares where that event plays over and over again. I can't even go into my room anymore since that's where his empty tank is, I have been sleeping on a couch in the spare room.

I see his face everywhere, no matter where I look. Like 70% of my thoughts have been replaced with "It's all your fault, you should've done bettter". I have been extremely depressed and lonely lately, it's awful.

And to top it all off, the vet got the results from the blood work back. Swordtail was most likely actually female and he(she) probably had cancer.
I just can't believe it.
I most likely won't be on this site anymore except to sometimes comment on posts.
I don't even know if I'll ever be able to get another beardie.

R.i.p Swordtail. You were only 2 weeks away from your 2nd hatchday
 

Lyrebird.Rainwing

Juvie Member
Original Poster
Beardie name(s)
Was Swordtail
Hey mate. Something similar happened with my first bearded dragon 3 years ago. But I had no vets that I could go to. I understand your guilt, but please know that you did everything that you could've done. The care you provided for your buddy wasn't a small thing. I'm sure Swordtail felt much better because you made sure that he's/she's clean and fed. I understand how awful it feels to see their tank empty and dark. Do know that your care for your pet was the best you could provide in that moment. Sometimes beardies just get sick. We don't have enough research on them to always help them. Do not blame yourself and cherish the nice moments you had with your buddy. I know this post is old but I hope you will feel better soon.
Thank you
It has gotten a bit better but it's still painful and I cry when thinking about it
 

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