Disheartened mama

[Orion1002]

Hi everyone. I know I’ve been posting on here a lot lately since I joined the site, but I’m so very disheartened right now and don’t really know what to do or have anyone else to talk about it with as I don’t know anyone else with a beardie (also my whole family thinks I’m dumb for worrying so much over a lizard). I have been trying so hard to bond with my baby Orion whom I’ve had for a month and three weeks, but it just seems like she hates me She still jumps away when I go to pick her up and she runs from me whenever I have her out. I have been trying to get her used to a harness for the past week because I thought maybe when I had her out she just wanted to run around but I don’t want to lose her in any crevices. But it just seems like she’s running to be away from me specifically and tbh it’s been very traumatic experience for both of us I think. She runs and gets to the end of the leash and absolutely flips out, I guess because she’s tethered. I mean she gets so scared she pancakes herself to the floor and her spikes get hard and she puffs her beard out slightly (although she never black beards). She won’t even eat her most favorite BSFL when it happens. I seriously feel like such a bad pet mom (ngl it’s also hard because I’m an animal person and it sucks that an animal hates me). I hand feed her every meal, am the only one who handles her, talk to her and leave my hand in the tank so she gets used to it, and I have been cuddling her to sleep (which I thought was helping to make progress but clearly we’re not) and I’m sure I’ve traumatized her more now with the harness.
So yeah, that’s my post about my struggle. Sorry if that’s not what these forums are made for.

 

[KarrieRee]

Hi everyone. I know I’ve been posting on here a lot lately since I joined the site, but I’m so very disheartened right now and don’t really know what to do or have anyone else to talk about it with as I don’t know anyone else with a beardie (also my whole family thinks I’m dumb for worrying so much over a lizard). I have been trying so hard to bond with my baby Orion whom I’ve had for a month and three weeks, but it just seems like she hates me She still jumps away when I go to pick her up and she runs from me whenever I have her out. I have been trying to get her used to a harness for the past week because I thought maybe when I had her out she just wanted to run around but I don’t want to lose her in any crevices. But it just seems like she’s running to be away from me specifically and tbh it’s been very traumatic experience for both of us I think. She runs and gets to the end of the leash and absolutely flips out, I guess because she’s tethered. I mean she gets so scared she pancakes herself to the floor and her spikes get hard and she puffs her beard out slightly (although she never black beards). She won’t even eat her most favorite BSFL when it happens. I seriously feel like such a bad pet mom (ngl it’s also hard because I’m an animal person and it sucks that an animal hates me). I hand feed her every meal, am the only one who handles her, talk to her and leave my hand in the tank so she gets used to it, and I have been cuddling her to sleep (which I thought was helping to make progress but clearly we’re not) and I’m sure I’ve traumatized her more now with the harness.
So yeah, that’s my post about my struggle. Sorry if that’s not what these forums are made for.

It's too soon for a leash- your dragon needs to acclimate to the tank and surroundings - he needs to learn trust - please no more leash and go slow w/ him

 

[Orion1002]

It's too soon for a leash- your dragon needs to acclimate to the tank and surroundings - he needs to learn trust - please no more leash and go slow w/ him

Definitely won’t be doing anymore harness for a long time, learned my lesson for sure Would it be ok to let her down on the floor in a play pen so she doesn’t get lost in the crevices of a room? That’s the main reason why I wanted to get her the harness so she could have a bit more freedom in the house. Or maybe letting her down in general right now is too much too quick?

 

[KarrieRee]

Definitely won’t be doing anymore harness for a long time, learned my lesson for sure Would it be ok to let her down on the floor in a play pen so she doesn’t get lost in the crevices of a room? That’s the main reason why I wanted to get her the harness so she could have a bit more freedom in the house. Or maybe letting her down in general right now is too much too quick?

yes shes a baby correct? Please work on getting her hand tamed in the tank - does she still have stress marks?

 

[Orion1002]

yes shes a baby correct? Please work on getting her hand tamed in the tank - does she still have stress marks?

I believe she’s probably about 5-6 months from her length, but I don’t know exactly when she was born since I got her from petco She still has some slight stress marks but they have faded quite a bit from when she first came. Here’s a recent pic where you can kind of see them (unfortunately I don’t have any good ones of her belly).

 

[xp29]

She is very pretty. Be patient with her. It takes time to tame them. It took Zen a year or more to settle down for me and more than two years for him to stop tail whipping when i pick him up. Now at four he is just a big baby and don't care what it do. Snicker Doodles I've had since April, she is still skittish at times she is about a year and a half. It won't happen in a few weeks or even a few months (for most dragons, some are bold straight away and settle pretty fast) but not most. Be gentle but self assured with her, if you are stressed she will pick up on it and be uneasy also.

 

[hdochow]

when we first got sir henry we would reach into his enclosure for a quick scratch or pat when we walked by. didn't try to take him out until he was older and comfortable with us. make sure when you are reaching in that you are not coming from above, just the side or front. from above they think you are a predator. he's 2 1/2 and we are just started to work with a harness this past summer. when you get to that point, i'd skip the cute wings and do just the harness itself. we also have a net enclosure so he can be out but not completely loose. i'll attach a link to it. we usually use it for outside natural UVB time, but i don't see why it couldn't be used indoors too.

https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B07Q2J3FBX/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

and don't worry about worrying. you are in a very large group of worriers here! welcome to the club.

 

[Oscardragon]

Definitely won’t be doing anymore harness for a long time, learned my lesson for sure Would it be ok to let her down on the floor in a play pen so she doesn’t get lost in the crevices of a room? That’s the main reason why I wanted to get her the harness so she could have a bit more freedom in the house. Or maybe letting her down in general right now is too much too quick?

 

[Oscardragon]

Definitely won’t be doing anymore harness for a long time, learned my lesson for sure Would it be ok to let her down on the floor in a play pen so she doesn’t get lost in the crevices of a room? That’s the main reason why I wanted to get her the harness so she could have a bit more freedom in the house. Or maybe letting her down in general right now is too much too quick?

A play pen is a good idea. Or just find a room where you can block off areas you don’t want her to go. Then you can relax and this will help her be more calm. Also put a hide in there or sit in there with your knees up to make a hide.
It just takes a lot of time and patience.
You might also want to consider going back to square one for a bit and just sit next to her while she’s in the viv and chat to her. So she gets used to your voice.
She’ll get there. Just lots of patience needed. It will be worth it in the end.

 

[xp29]

Something else I though of, if you can keep your enclosure in whatever room your in the most. It helps them get comfortable with you going about your daily routine. It kindda normalizes things for them.

 

[AHBD]

when we first got sir henry we would reach into his enclosure for a quick scratch or pat when we walked by. didn't try to take him out until he was older and comfortable with us. make sure when you are reaching in that you are not coming from above, just the side or front. from above they think you are a predator. he's 2 1/2 and we are just started to work with a harness this past summer. when you get to that point, i'd skip the cute wings and do just the harness itself. we also have a net enclosure so he can be out but not completely loose. i'll attach a link to it. we usually use it for outside natural UVB time, but i don't see why it couldn't be used indoors too.

https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B07Q2J3FBX/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

and don't worry about worrying. you are in a very large group of worriers here! welcome to the club.

Sometimes I worry that I worry too much about the worriers.

 

[xp29]

Tbh sometimes i wonder why they are such popular pets, seems all most people do is worry lol. But i guess that just is a guage of how much people love them.

 

[hdochow]

Sometimes I worry that I worry too much about the worriers.

good to know i'm not the only one!

but seriously, i remember being that new to beardies person, full of fears. i'll never hesitate to help if i can, even if it is just by being here to listen and offer my own experiences. from what i've seen, i think a lot of us are like that.

 

[Orion1002]

Thank you all for the replies and advice. Sorry for the late response, Orion and I have just been dumped by her dad so we’re (mainly me cause she lives with me) adjusting. But that’s not a beardie topic sorry.

I can’t put her in my room unfortunately because I keep my room very cold to help me sleep at night. But I try to sit in the living room where she is as often as I can. I think I will try a play pen in about a month or maybe a little more. I’m definitely going to let her settle more for now. We’ve gone back to just short holdings and for baths but lots of slow pets inside the tank. It does make me feel better to know that a lot of people don’t have their beardie bond to them right away, but more like months or a year. Makes me feel like I’m not doing horribly horribly. Thank you all again for helping this baby beardie worrier!

 

[Xjrosie]

Thor is 2.5 and he only just started crawling onto my hands when he wants out. He has always been a bit standoffish, but he's started to want to cuddle when he's out. He also knows which room is mine and after he makes the rounds in all the main rooms, he heads to my room to hunker down for a nap under my bed (he likes it cold.)

Some beardies seem to stay distant, and some warm up really easily. It's like that for any animal. And beardies are typically solitary, so honestly, it can be a surprise when they bond with a human.

Don't pressure yourself. He'll come around in his own time.