Came home to this

[SkittlesK]

I would not - get a planter box and some dirt put her in a little box and bury her in that and keep it w/ you on your balcony if you have one- then you know she's w/ you

That's a very good idea. Especially with some of the 'call before you dig' laws.
The plant might take nutrients from the passed reptile.

 

[xp29]

Man this is breaking my heart, you have had to much truma already. I hate that you are having these problems also

 

[Drache613]

Hello,

I am so sorry for your loss, how awful for you & your girl. I had thought that she was going to make
it also. No one can ever really prepare themselves for loss, but it was not anything you did.
We are all here for you.

Tracie

 

[Cuttlefishh]

Hello, I am really sorry for your loss, I know this pain as I went through it myself just a few years ago.

I'd look into googling some pet cremation services, im certain there are ones that are cheaper that will deliver ashes- the vet can be very high priced. It was healing for me to receive my girl taros ashes back so I could bury or scatter her when I was ready. Whatever you decide it's very personal and it's okay, so take your time.

 

[ivysul]

I would not - get a planter box and some dirt put her in a little box and bury her in that and keep it w/ you on your balcony if you have one- then you know she's w/ you

I don’t have a balcony and I have nowhere to bury here that’s not a 4 hour drive + I don’t drive I literally have no option

Man this is breaking my heart, you have had to much truma already. I hate that you are having these problems also

Hi everyone..I’m not sure how to group reply on here but wanted to really genuinely thank you all with all my heart and ivy’s
I really don’t think she would have made it this long after Saturday without all of your support - I am very grateful to have had all of you in spirit and I appreciate every single word in each and every single response we received, none of you had to respond to a stranger yet you were all so kind enough to and even provide links to products and check in on her.. nowadays it’s very rare to find people who care in general or are helpful let alone people you have never met and you all really stood by me..I know that if she knew she would’ve appreciated it too..it was really tough, she became absolutely normal and all the blackness had gone the morning of the night she passed away, even gulped her slurry so excitedly and was active and cuddly with me..I have no idea how a few hours later she went back to square one. I can’t help but blame myself but I guess guilt is normal with loss and I will get through it ..this is my first loss of something I’ve loved and I really did my all. I took time off work to be with her and when I say be with her I mean I sat on a chair in front of her watching close her eyes for hours until I had to sleep and even then I would constantly wake up during the night to check on her from her petcam
Unfortunately the vet had only given me a $300 cremation option which I could not afford after all her vet fees (i had mentioned earlier I literally took her vet fees out of my own apartment rent savings and ended up selling things I owned to make up for it) the plant idea although wonderful and I wish I could have done that but I could not afford a plant big enough for her, she was actually huge compared to the photos I shared, and delivery for plants that big in NYC take 2 weeks as I have checked online and I don’t think it would have been good for her to lay dead in her tank for that long
I ended up putting her in the river I live by, the hudson river in NYC, I can see it right from my living room window so every time I think of her I can sit by it and feel her close to me or visit the same bench I went to to drop her..i picked a very sentimental spot as I usually go to that bench and sit at night or watch a sunset when I need to unwind or had a bad day now I can go and sit with her..it was very hard doing it and i was in denial for like an hour i kept poking at her hoping she would breathe and somehow I’m still in denial thinking I did that and she was still breathing but all her limbs were so stiff I couldn’t even open her mouth

I’m very upset with my vet as I’m sure this could have gone better, I’m sure it was not an ulcer, I have a great friend who is a breeder her name is Amanda (DrippinDragons on TikTok, from Texas) who I also have never met but has been extremely supportive, she asked her vet and he said it could’ve been parasites. Comparing her symptoms now I do believe it was parasites and I know that could have been cured with antibiotics. But I’m also not sure how it could have been parasites if after every time she pooped I would clean up with the F10 disinfectant and clean the disinfectant off too make sure it was all safe and dry before letting her near the area. She would always poop around 2-3 pm and I made sure all my plans would be after that time in fear of parasites so I assume I may have bought her with parasites..I still don’t understand what the sporadic/seizure like movements were and if I could have done anything to help..the lack of resources in NY is very unfortunate and it’s even more unfortunate that the medical centers were after their money more than helping ivy

Here are a few nice memories with ivy i hope you’ll enjoy. I’ve ordered a bearded dragon marble slab memorial for ivy with her name and date and will be saving her pillows and blankets and everything else that smells like her - I’ve been quite the wreck I have not had a solid normal meal since her incident or Saturday or any sleep still but I know time will heal everything

 

[ivysul]

I don’t have a balcony and I have nowhere to bury here that’s not a 4 hour drive + I don’t drive I literally have no option

Hi everyone..I’m not sure how to group reply on here but wanted to really genuinely thank you all with all my heart and ivy’s
I really don’t think she would have made it this long after Saturday without all of your support - I am very grateful to have had all of you in spirit and I appreciate every single word in each and every single response we received, none of you had to respond to a stranger yet you were all so kind enough to and even provide links to products and check in on her.. nowadays it’s very rare to find people who care in general or are helpful let alone people you have never met and you all really stood by me..I know that if she knew she would’ve appreciated it too..it was really tough, she became absolutely normal and all the blackness had gone the morning of the night she passed away, even gulped her slurry so excitedly and was active and cuddly with me..I have no idea how a few hours later she went back to square one. I can’t help but blame myself but I guess guilt is normal with loss and I will get through it ..this is my first loss of something I’ve loved and I really did my all. I took time off work to be with her and when I say be with her I mean I sat on a chair in front of her watching close her eyes for hours until I had to sleep and even then I would constantly wake up during the night to check on her from her petcam
Unfortunately the vet had only given me a $300 cremation option which I could not afford after all her vet fees (i had mentioned earlier I literally took her vet fees out of my own apartment rent savings and ended up selling things I owned to make up for it) the plant idea although wonderful and I wish I could have done that but I could not afford a plant big enough for her, she was actually huge compared to the photos I shared, and delivery for plants that big in NYC take 2 weeks as I have checked online and I don’t think it would have been good for her to lay dead in her tank for that long
I ended up putting her in the river I live by, the hudson river in NYC, I can see it right from my living room window so every time I think of her I can sit by it and feel her close to me or visit the same bench I went to to drop her..i picked a very sentimental spot as I usually go to that bench and sit at night or watch a sunset when I need to unwind or had a bad day now I can go and sit with her..it was very hard doing it and i was in denial for like an hour i kept poking at her hoping she would breathe and somehow I’m still in denial thinking I did that and she was still breathing but all her limbs were so stiff I couldn’t even open her mouth

I’m very upset with my vet as I’m sure this could have gone better, I’m sure it was not an ulcer, I have a great friend who is a breeder her name is Amanda (DrippinDragons on TikTok, from Texas) who I also have never met but has been extremely supportive, she asked her vet and he said it could’ve been parasites. Comparing her symptoms now I do believe it was parasites and I know that could have been cured with antibiotics. But I’m also not sure how it could have been parasites if after every time she pooped I would clean up with the F10 disinfectant and clean the disinfectant off too make sure it was all safe and dry before letting her near the area. She would always poop around 2-3 pm and I made sure all my plans would be after that time in fear of parasites so I assume I may have bought her with parasites..I still don’t understand what the sporadic/seizure like movements were and if I could have done anything to help..the lack of resources in NY is very unfortunate and it’s even more unfortunate that the medical centers were after their money more than helping ivy

Here are a few nice memories with ivy i hope you’ll enjoy. I’ve ordered a bearded dragon marble slab memorial for ivy with her name and date and will be saving her pillows and blankets and everything else that smells like her - I’ve been quite the wreck I have not had a solid normal meal since her incident or Saturday or any sleep still but I know time will heal everything

 

[ivysul]

 

[KarrieRee]

View attachment 77419

My heart aches for you --- it always so hard to lose something you love so much - give it time - you may after some of the heart ache is gone you will want to get another dragon- I know Ivy knows you love her and gave her your all -- if and when you decide to do that please come back on here and tell us and we can get you set up for the correct lighting - I know you have since gotten the UVB - the bulb will last as its not being used now so when your ready -- the pics of her are great -

 

[Cuttlefishh]

I cried reading this, I can see how much you deeply loved Ivy. It brought me back to my girl Taros loss, I still miss her too and it's been a couple years. Your girl is special and is still so loved. I'm so sorry it ended up this way but you really went above and beyond for her and did all you could.

I would encourage you to take your time to grieve, but also commend yourself for being an amazing pet owner with so much love to give, and maybe someday you could be that special carer for another sweet little beardie. We know so many of them are in need of great carekeepers and a lot do not get so lucky to have one. No beardie will ever replace Ivy, they are all so different and unique, each their own journey. I still cry when I think of Taro, and I know I'll be the same wreck when I someday have to say goodbye to my Charlie- but this hurt is part of being a pet owner. As their caregivers it is our duty and burden, and as tough as it is just remember that Ivy is was worth it.

 

[AHBD]

Those are GREAT pictures and although bittersweet they are a real testament for your love and care for this little reptile that was so precious to you. I don't think that anyone could read this thread and not be touched by it. There's no way to tell exactly what happened but it was in no way your fault. You were a great beardie mom.

 

[Drache613]

Hello,

OH that was so beautiful, Ivy was most definitely loved & I am positive she knew exactly how much she
was loved. This is heartbreaking. We all know the empty terrible feeling of loss & understand how you
feel. She will always be with you, forever. She obviously has imprinted on your heart.
The pictures are lovely. You could make a photo album as a tribute to her. It really helps.
I wish we could know for sure why you lost her, it's almost impossible to know what happened without
an autopsy.

Tracie

 

[xp29]

I cried reading this, I can see how much you deeply loved Ivy. It brought me back to my girl Taros loss, I still miss her too and it's been a couple years. Your girl is special and is still so loved. I'm so sorry it ended up this way but you really went above and beyond for her and did all you could.

I would encourage you to take your time to grieve, but also commend yourself for being an amazing pet owner with so much love to give, and maybe someday you could be that special carer for another sweet little beardie. We know so many of them are in need of great carekeepers and a lot do not get so lucky to have one. No beardie will ever replace Ivy, they are all so different and unique, each their own journey. I still cry when I think of Taro, and I know I'll be the same wreck when I someday have to say goodbye to my Charlie- but this hurt is part of being a pet owner. As their caregivers it is our duty and burden, and as tough as it is just remember that Ivy is was worth it.

Very well said

 

[xp29]

I hope you continue to be a member of this community, I know your hurting and feel lost right now, but hopefully someday you decide to find another beardie to love. They all deserve to be kept by someone like you who truely cares. And even though no beardie will ever replace Ivy, if you find the right beardie it may fill some of the empty space in your heart, left by Ivy's passing.

 

[Drache613]

Hello,

Absolutely agreed, we would all love to have you here. You would have a lot to contribute, too..

Tracie

 

[ivysul]

My heart aches for you --- it always so hard to lose something you love so much - give it time - you may after some of the heart ache is gone you will want to get another dragon- I know Ivy knows you love her and gave her your all -- if and when you decide to do that please come back on here and tell us and we can get you set up for the correct lighting - I know you have since gotten the UVB - the bulb will last as its not being used now so when your ready -- the pics of her are great -

It’s been very tough and still is unfortunately I really miss her so much and even more everyday..haven’t gotten myself to tidy around her tank or anything lol haven’t returned the UVB either I’m definitely keeping it and would love another dragon I’m just so worried to get another and have them get sick again or have them already sick without me even knowing.. thank you so much again for having me set up with the correct UVB, wish I had known sooner