Tatsu: Can I join your army?

:laughhard: That is too Cute! I think Tatsu will be Proud of his Idea of World Domination is spreading!

Dear Aztec,

Yes, it does seem your owners are being a bit cruel to you. I too have suffered the indignities of being torn from my manly cave and forced to bathe, when I would rather nap. Though, I have not experienced the horrible icky medicine you speak about. Perchance, do you think they might make that in beardie flavor? I hear Walgreens is offering flavors for children. You would think they would think of the scaly ones too. We are truly discriminated against in this world.

I too suffer indignities. Did you see the picture of me in the Snow White harness? And have you seen my posts of being woken up from a nap to model new lizard gear?

Plus, my new step-brother Michael detests me, and I've never so much as raised a claw to him. He's a bit surly, I think. Every time I turn around the little scoundrel is head bobbing at me. I don't even have the energy to address his juvenile behavior any more. We all know that I am bigger and that I could squash him like a roach bleik or tail whip him if I wanted. But I don't. I would rather save my energy for lounging and signaling my two-legged slave for more supers and some water, while I secretly pen my great beardie American novel and plan Beardie World Domination Takeover 2007.

I think that you should channel the true name of your ancestors. I looked up Aztec on the internet and found that they had quite an impressive empire in the 14th, 15th, and 16th Centuries. When the Great Pyramid of Tenochtitlan was reconsecrated in 1487, a reported 84,400 human prisoners were sacrificed in four days. That's quite a staggering number of humans. Perhaps, you should talk to your ancestors about pyramid building and how to sacrifice a human properly so as not to anger the spirits.

Here's the link to the info I got. They truly are an admirable civilization. I could learn a lot from them:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aztec


I also strongly suggest that you learn the Beardie Hiss of Death. I find this quite effective in scaring the supers right out of my human slave. It tends to make her think twice about touching me, when I do not want to be disturbed. There is always the fear of losing a finger looming over her head during my napping time.

And yes, we are taking new recruits. However, there is a boot camp fee of 1,000 supers and 500 waxies. If you can squander your allowance for a few weeks, I think we can talk. Beardie World Domination Takeover 2007 is now in the infant stages of planning. I can't give away many details over the net, as my mother watches me like a hawk ... But I can say this ... Hot boiling vats of oil, small beardie cannons, and other tortures are being reviewed as I type this with sharpened claws. And the human boy just got a new nerf toy from that fat bearded man for Christmas ... I think I might be able to use that too ... Hmmmm ... *scratches beard*

Sincerely Yours,

Tatsu
A.K.A. The Scaly Rat

Dear Tatsu,

I forgot to mention the latest in the heinous list of atrocities I have been forced to endure. Now the people are talking about bringing another beardie into my domain! They claim that I was so wonderful that they want to get another dragon. Don't they know that this is my house and that I am the only king in this kingdom? How dare they even consider such a thing!

I have seen how your people treat you and think it is disgraceful how they parade you around like a show-pony to peddle their wares. Have you considered looking for a union? They may be able to help with break times and work hours.

Yes, the ancestors of my namesake are quite impressive. I will try to channel them the next time I bask. I think the heat will help with this process.

I have only tried the hiss of death once. My mom person took me outside for the first time and scared me with her huge shadow. I black-bearded, hissed, and spun myself around to face her. I showed her who was boss! She didn't know what to do with herself! Of course she threw a blanket on me and took me back inside where I was safe, but she was still evil! I'll have to try that trick again. She really didn't like it when I turned my huge, hissing mouth at her in a menacing way.

It will take me some time to raise your boot camp fee. I have the supers, but I've never had waxies. They try to give me crickets, but I hate those now. I hear that the people are growing some silkies for me. Would those work instead? I have no interest in food as I keep casing the joint in search of a lady dragon.

As for assault ideas, I can also recommend dive-bombing at them as this terrifies them!

Perhaps we should learn to write in code or develop secret names so our people won't know we're in communcation.

Thank you for your reply.

In your service,
Aztec

Dearest Tatsu and Aztec,

Such a lenght of time since i have heard such a call to arms for our brothers , many the time i have lain on my pearch pesuing such ideas as beardie unions and (at last) some sort of colaltion of our brothers and sisters who are put to such degrading work on a daily basis , let me tell you.

I am but a youth but the last time i was bathed i managed to raise a small but rather prounouced beard at my human owner = let me tell you she was so shocked that she regailed in horror whilst i managed a fleeting escape over the egde of the tub - only to be caught head butting the skirting boards moments later - I tell you these rooms are infinite and boundless...

Recently a new tatical approach i tried was to defecate on my owners spouce whilst he was luxuriating in his bed - i tell you trouble soon ensused when i hot footed through the beforesaid excrement and over the duvet cover ...

this seemed to arise in a temultiuos eposode of incredible upset whilst the excrement was disposed of...

Best luck in your struggles brother ,

Scamps

Just one question:

Why do beardies use such formal language?

*Thor* Because we can, ye olde poop-head! *THWACK!*

hmmm... so thats why all my nerf footballs and our leftover grease has been dissapearing...

Dear Tatsu,

The reference material you sent to me was very enlightening. I am named after a group of people who used to sacrifice other people.

My concern is that if we do succeed, how will we get our worms and squash?

If it helps to know, I last weighed in at over 700 grams, so I should be strong enough to fight! My nails haven't been trimmed, and they're good and sharp! I gave my mom person a really good scratch all along her forearm. I got her neck the other day too and almost took out her earring.

We should see if the Leather Lizard, which sounds like a store for lizards not for lizard peoples, can help us on our quest. Perhaps they can make some harnesses for us to use.

I demand a pyramid so I can honor my namesakes! I am starting to make a list of demands in case I need it. So far, I have the following:

1. Let me sleep.
2. Get me a lady dragon.
3. Build me a pyramid.
4. Get me a lady dragon.
5. Stop calling me Mr. Hornball or Mr. Spaz.
6. Get me a lady dragon.
6. Get me some fat silkies.
7. Get me a lady dragon.

Hmmm, I may be a little unfocused at the moment. I will retreat to my bunker for some mental exercises.

Aztec

P.S. Scamps, thank you for the suggestions. I am certain your ideas can be incorporated into the plan.

Dear Aztec,

I have reviewed my current food stockpile, and yes, silkies would be welcome. My human doesn't even have those in the house. I am appalled at that, but that is easily rectified now with your help.

I too have untrimmed nails and also, if you read my mother's past posts, I have tail-whipped her in the eye before. And I'm not afraid to do it again. I tail-whipped her so good, she ended up in the emergency room with a scratched cornea. I am well-versed in this style of fighting. I call that style: Drunken Tail.

Yes, yes, yes, it seems that you are slowly learning the ways of fighting back. That is good. Resistance is futile. They will bow to our demands. How is the pyramid building going? I would suggest slowly chipping away at your rocks to make blocks, since you have sharp claws at your disposal and I assume spend a lot of time in your cage when your mother isn't around.

700 grams ... That is veerrrrrry good. Boot camp is only for dragons over 400 grams, so you fit our size requirement.

As for code names ... Why don't you be Mr. Pink and I will be Mr. Blue? I think that should suffice. Scamps, you are Mr. Orange. I am highly impressed with your excrement torture, though it will take more than that to scare humans away. More than that indeed.

That is all for now. I must hide my notes in my stump now. I hear the human coming to check on me. Can't let her know what I am up to, but I will add dive-bombing to the list of tactical skills to be practiced on the range.

Sincerely,

Tatsu
A.K.A. Scaly Rat

Oh my goodness boys, why on earth would you be wanting to plot world domination against your humans? :roll: Who else would you find to slave for you and attend to your every want and need???? Why all we have to do is sit in our comfortable homes and look cute, and they give us whatever we want.... I guess you boys just haven't figured out how to get around them yet. When you get as smart as us girls, maybe you'll be more content with what you have, instead of plotting trouble!
Don't think that us female dragons are going to do everything for you like that! Why, my Mom even hand feeds me all my food, and she hand feeds my two brothers too! You guys must be doing something wrong!
I have two brothers who are in the same mood as all three of you.... headbobbing at me until I think they're brains are going to fall out their ears and turning their beards all black and making googly eyes at me every chance they get..."I want a lady dragon! I want a lady dragon!" Give it a rest already! We sit in our comfortable homes, and they clean for us, feed us goodies, and get us everything we want, while all you guys do is strut around and sleep, and then you think you deserve to wake up and have all the fun and make baby dragons while we'de have to lay around afterwards and get fat and push all the eggs out when the time comes!
You better give your world domination theory a lot more thought, because us girls don't want anything to do with this plotting! We're smart enough to know when we have it good!
Uh oh, here comes Mom.......I'm not allowed out to talk to boys after 10:00, because I'm a good girl.......

-------------------------------------------------------------------Eden


EDEN, ITS NEARLY 1:00 IN THE MORNING!
YOU GET OFF THAT COMPUTER!
NOW!

Styg":3e782 said:

Just one question:

Why do beardies use such formal language?

*Thor* Because we can, ye olde poop-head! *THWACK!*

Click to expand...

Psst....keep this quiet but they can't even talk! hope these wack jobs start taking their pills again.... hehe

:lol: :lol: Im not ever gonna let my beardies read this thread.. They are males and already have devious thoughts..lol

Dear Mr. Blue,

I have read your latest log and think that code names are in order. It seems that our communcation has been intercepted by others, although it seems to be kept within our species. I don't think that the people are on to us.

I did hear of your tail-whipping story and have one too. I slid down the couch and didn't like how I landed and spun around and whipped my mom person in the face. I cut her cheek and would have gotten her eye if she hadn't been wearing glasses. So close! I am familiar with this tactic.

I tried making a pyramid with my squash, but it didn't work. That may have been because I ran through it during one my rampages.

Something must be a little different. My people have given me silkworms for the last few days. I REALLY like silkworms.

I thought of another tactic -- my mom person has curly hair and screeches when I climb onto her head. She is even more skittish about it these days after learning that I ingested of her hairs. Psychological warfare!

Signed,
Mr Pink

P.S. Eden, you sound rather fiesty. I looked at a map and found that New Jersey is not that far from Massachusetts. I could come down and teach your brothers a thing or two about how to treat a lady. I'd get them to leave you alone. Alone with me that is. 8)

Tatsu and Aztec,

On behalf of Oscar (he doesn't know how to type), we would also like to join your army, but we won't be much good on the payment because our humans don't feed us waxies and we just started eating supers (a week ago, because Oscar doesn't like crickets and I don't eat 500 as fast as the humans want me to), so there isn't that much of a stock to go around. However, we might be able to get our hands on some cash, or possibly even a credit card or two (the big male human leaves his stash sitting around the living room).

Oscar might be much more eager to join than I. He doesn't seem to like living here as much as I do; not even sure if he likes the food the humans feed us. I, on the other hand, have it pretty good--I get to be hand fed, receive daily cuddles, special treats, my own pet (the furry 4-legged thing), and the entire house is free reign for me, including the human's favorite blankie.

So, if cash is ok as payment to enlist, please advise. I don't know when the next time I'll be able to sneak on the computer, so if you guys could possibly send me a text message to my cell instead, that'd be great (cell #555-bdr1).

Hope to hear from you soon.

Your Future Humble Student,

Felix