If that silly Mom insists on continuing to perplex you with useless salads, there are a few things you can do to show your disapproval of the offending vegetation.Under NO circumstances should you eat a single bit, however you can make the best of a bad situation by interacting with the salad so that she knows yes, you've seen it, and no, you do not approve. Start by giving the salad the stink eye, that'll show it who's boss.
Make sure mom can see that you are expressing your displeasure; make that eye REALLY stinky
Once you've tried the stare-down, if the salad refuses to cease existing, you'll have to physically engage. Try to flatten the greenery that mom shredded, chopped and de-seeded with love. Climb right in and really smash it; don't be afraid to rub your hind-quarters all over each bit. You want to make sure your message gets across.
If being in contact with the salad proves stressful, you may want to take the opportunity to use the bed of shredded squash, apple, greens, bok choy and bell pepper to practice your yoga. That cobra pose isn't going to perfect itself!
Try to look over at mom sternly every few minutes too. She needs to see what she's putting you through.
Mom may try to trick you into eating the salad by mixing your noms in with it, but DON'T BE FOOLED.
Nice try mom, I wasn't born last night!
Simply throw the salad out, and eat the noms. Mom can clean your tank while she thinks about what she's done.
If mom continues, protest your mistreatment by shedding your skin everywhere, and then eating it. This will show her that you'd rather eat your own dry scales than the butternut squash and de-seeded strawberry that she grated finely just for you. Try to look as haggard and ratchet as possible while you're eating your own skin, maybe mom will take pity and cease the veggie assault.
If mom tirelessly presents you with worthless salad, you may be tempted into just giving in... but you MUST continue to resist. YOU ARE THE RULER OF YOUR KINGDOM!
You preside over 5 basking surfaces, you do NOT have to lower your standards to the likes of salad.
Mom may try to soften you up by giving you cuddles and rocking you to sleep like the precious baby you are,
but she can't make you eat the salad, and she knows it. Stand tall, and remember, every time mom puts a salad in, assertively walk right over to it, and let her know that you've got nothing but time to NOT eat it.
After all, she's going to love you anyway, because how could she not?
