Fly high baby Crepe

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I don't know if anyone really reads these or cares but I am just so stricken with grief I need to let it out somewhere.
Its been 3 days since by baby passed away and I feel like I lost a child. I took her to get cremated yesterday and my heart broke more than I thought it ever possibly could. Every morning I wake up to turn on her lights and my heart just breaks. I'm going to tell the story of our short life together.
On January 23rd I went to a reptile expo and picked out the strongest biggest baby there was. Really I feel like she picked me, locked eyes dead on me as soon as I walked up. She was also born the same day as me, December 23rd. Our first 6 months together were perfect. She was growing and growing and growing. Until I moved. I replaced her lights and the uvb I bought was faulty unbeknownst to me. Slowly but surely she started showing signs of MBD. I quickly caught on and replaced it but by that time she had become impacted due to indigestion. 6 weeks, a vet trip and liquid calcium finally made her poop. After that things picked up dramatically. Mobility was up, she was open mouth basking again and actually interested in live prey. She went on a 22hr road trip to florida with me and the humidty finally helped her shed all that dead skin off. I took a 2hr detour on the way home so she could go see the beach. She loved every second of sand between her toes and that warm florida sun. Things just kept improving until one day she prolapsed. I read everything on it, tried everything and could just not get it to go back in for some days. Everything seemed fine once I actually got it in. Then I left for thanksgiving all day not thinking it would pop back out but sure enough it did. By the time I got home the tissue had dried and darkened. Quickly after, hours probably, infection reared its ugly head. Another $400 dollar vet visit and 2 stitches later I thought things would finally get better. The vet didnt give us any antibiotics though and the infection came right back. She began to violently throw up multiple times, its was the most helpless and heartbreaking thing I've ever seen. The vet couldnt see her until friday unless I paid the $200 emergency fee again and I just didnt have the money. I kept her hydrated, got her to eat a little and thought maybe the vet was right and she'd be fine until friday. That was not the case. Tuesday night I ran to the store for maybe a half hour and I came home to find her cold and stiff. I'll never forget the way her body felt when I went to pick her up. She was really my baby. I syringe fed her 3 times a day, every other day she took baths, every warm day we'd spend a few hours basking in the natural sunlight, I made her a detachable hooded sweatshirt, a bed and a quilt. She was my everything and I just don't know what to do now. I feel like I really cant talk to anyone because to them she was just a lizard and my heart break seems stupid. I go to pick up her ashes and urn tomorrow and I just don't know how I'm gonna get through. They're making me a small clay foot print like they do with cats and dogs. I'm sorry I'm rambling. Please say a little prayer and kiss your beardies a little extra for me please.
Mommy will always love you baby girl. Fly high with your dragon wings.

Edit: I figured everyone should see my precious baby. This is a very sloppily put together collage but going through all her pictures was the worst. Please enjoy the happiest flatter than a pancake bearded dragon you've ever seen.
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I miss you so much, Amaris 💔
What is a quick way to warm up a cold beardie? His heating element went out overnight and now he's very cold.
Pearl Girl wrote on moorelori1966's profile.
i feel so sad reading your about me 😢
Clapton is acclimating okay I think. He's quick as lightning so I'm not sure how much I should bring him out of his house yet. He's not at all interested in his salad though. I wonder if I should change what I'm giving him. Least he's eating his crickets.

Things to do:
Buy calcium powder
Material to raise surface for basking spot
Scenery decals for back of tank

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