RIP my best friend ever in the world, most personable dragon

My love, my best friend.... my cuddle bug and rock when I needed him..... he is gone forever and I am at a loss. Only 5, and ate a penny because of the kids negligence. I am angry at the world and sadder than life. Mr. Shelia (he had a girls name) was the best friend I ever had. I was on vacation when my boyfriends kids where over. I dont know exactly how it happened, but when I got home he just didn't look right. I immediately gave him a bath (which he loved baths) and he pooped blood. It was late, I took him to the vet the next morning at 8am. The vet, a reptile vet, after the coin showd in xray, told me honestly she had never done surgery on a beardie before. I asked if she recommended anyone.... she did. I took shelia accross town 45 minutes away from home to a more experienced vet clinic that dealt exclusively with reptiles especially beardies. They immediately went into surgery which lasted a few hours and he seemed to be recovering ok. I went home for the night exausted and drained. The next morning at 8am I called and called until 9am when they had checked on him and he wasn't doing well at all. My mom and I rushed to the place to be with him. I feel and felt so guilty for mot staying with him the night before.... when we got there his weakened body laid limp and looking lifeless on a towl. I begged him to stay and kissed his forehead so gently as I could. his eyes where closed his beard black and body lifeless looking. I didn't want to hurt him but so gently as i could picked him up to my chest where he use to always rest. I looked at him begging him to stay, that I needed him and his eyes twitched and shook and one opened as he took his last breath to look at me. I am so hurt I can't stand it. I love him so much its rediculous. he is my little baby, my man, my alpha male, my rock, my love, my life. I can never replace shelia, and I never will get over this. He was there through so much for me, and loved me back so trustingly. and most of all, he waited to see me one more time before passing away. Only 5 years wasn't enough shelia for me.