I am so depressed that I'm beyond being depressed
Callie had finally showed up yesterday (Tuesday) morning. She was sitting on the front stoop of the unfinished house across the street. When I saw her, she was grooming herself and sniffing the steps and plywood walls. I watched her for a few minutes to see if she would make her way over to my house, but she stayed put, so I decided to go to her with her breakfast. As soon as I stepped outside, I called to her, but she didn't hear me. I called her name again a little louder, and she immediately stopped grooming and started to meow. Her meows were so loud that I clearly heard her from the end of my driveway. However, she didn't jump down and run over to me; instead, she stayed on the front stoop with an almost alert stance. When I was about half way onto the property, she finally stood up but still wouldn't walk down the steps. It wasn't until I was a few feet from the steps that she walked down and came over to me, but it wasn't the same happy prance I'd become to accustomed to seeing. I placed her food bowl down on the ground and she went right to it, but she only licked the food, never taking any bites. I said hello to her, asked her how she was doing, and told her that I missed her. I petted the top of her head, back, and even her cheek. Then she walked behind around me and sat behind me, just like she used to. Eventually she came back around and ate a few bites of food as I fed her from the spoon. At that point, it was 10am and I had to go back into the house for a teleconference call. I asked her if she wanted to go to the backyard and I'll give her the rest of her breakfast; she gave me an excited look and started walking, but then suddenly stopped. I asked again if she wanted to go to my backyard, and again she started to walk, but then stopped again. When I started to walk ahead of her, instead of following me, she suddenly cowered to the ground then bolted under the construction trailer. I placed her bowl down on the front stoop, hoping that she'd re-emerge after I left. All during my teleconference, I kept looking out the living room window to see if she had come back, but she never did. Instead, a squirrel had sneaked in a couple of handfuls.
After my meeting was over, I went back outside and called to her, but she wasn't around anymore. I walked around the lot, calling to her. No response. I stood still to listen for any rustling noises from the field next to the lot and the woods next to my house. Nothing. After waiting a few minutes, I gave up and went back home, feeling totally empty.
It took me the entire day to come to this conclusion: I was wearing my black coat (hanging by the front door) and not the usual blue coat that she's used to seeing (hanging in the laundry room, at the back of the house). Even though she recognized my voice and face, she didn't recognize my "body". At least that's what I'm hoping had happened, instead of her not recognizing (or remembering) me at all.
I think Digi had become used to being by herself, receiving all of the attention (though Gianna and Pookie and Squirt were awake as well), and not having to share anything. It could explain why Digi never brumated this winter; she wanted to know what it's like to be the only girl again :dontknow:
