CruelBenevolence
Member
First, I want to say that it has been an uphill battle since I got him back in 2016. When I got him, he was undernourished and had an improper habitat. No UVB lights. Lack of heat. And the humidity was registering over 60% in the habitat. The habitat was small, even for a three month old. There was feces in his water dish, he was being fed those red pellets mixed with meal worms. He looked absolutely miserable. I only went into this pet store to pick up some cat food, but walked out spending $300~ is the bearded dragon starter supplies along with a new member of the family.
Now, I never personally had a bearded dragon, but I grew up in an environment that was very centered around pets of all types. So I knew the basics, like they need special light, heat, humidity, and supplement requirements. That they ate things like crickets and roaches. That they needed to be fed leafy greens and vegetables. Etc. I won't say I was an expert going into it, but I will say I knew more than the average pet shop employee going into this relationship.
So after I got him home, I immediately noticed he was walking on the backs of his hands, and his back legs had noticeable problems. I immediately called the vet and scheduled an appointment. I also had a fecal done while I was there, and there were no parasites. The vet took some Xrays and said that there is noticeable bone loss, and gave me a super calcium supplement to give him, and directed me to give it to him for a few weeks, which I did. At this point, my vet diagnosed him with MBD. I assumed it was from the lack of UVB and the lack of care he got in the first three months of his development. I didn't think there was anything more than that. My vet also advised he may not be able to walk correctly for the rest of his life, and deemed him disabled.
His movements began getting worse as time went on until he lost complete use of his back legs. When that happened, he wasn't able to hunt anymore. So I put him on a Repashy diet of Grub Pie, Veggie Burger, Grubs and Fruit, Bluey Buffet and a few others to give him a variety. I hand fed him every day via a syringe, twice a day. He had healthy bowel movements, and alert eyes, but he really didn't move around too much. I assumed he was in some amount of pain from his back legs. I soaked him regularly in pure epsom salt, which my vet cleared. I couldn't really give him anything for the pain, just try and make him as comfortable as possible.
I started getting worried of him falling off his hammock so I substituted his rocks for cushy cat beds and crate liners, and sort of child proofed his tank so he couldn't hurt himself, and made it easier for him to get around.
He was always a happy dragon, and enjoyed being held and cuddled. He slept in his own little bed hooked up to a heating pad underneath every night to keep his night time temperatures up to boost his immune system, which is what my vet recommended.
For the next year and a half, he didn't really get any worse, but he didn't show signs of getting any better either. But he definitely loved being held and kissed. He was such a docile baby, not one aggressive bone in his body. He didn't deserve the fate he had.
Around April, he started suffering from complications of an upper respiratory infection. I treated him orally with Baytril. He got better, then relapsed. I tried Tylan orally. No improvement. Finally I began fogging him with Baytril again, and he got better again by July.
This is where things go down hill. I noticed him getting what I called a buddha belly in August. I just assumed I was feeding him too much, so I tried to supplement more of the Veggie Burger and Grassland Grazer into his diet instead of going for the Grub Pie, which was just protein. I figured that would help. The pudge didn't really go away.
His behavior really didn't drastically change all that much for me to be alarmed there was a problem other than the usual. But after careful consideration, I am assuming that was a sign that his liver was failing. In retrospect, there is really nothing my vet could have done at that point, because it was already too far gone. I thought maybe the antibiotics did it to him, as I did give him an extended double rounded treatment. Maybe it was too harsh on his system and his liver began to fail? I only did what I felt was right, and sought the advice of my vet and followed his recommendations. In retrospect, drowning in his own mucus I think would have been more traumatizing than having his liver shut down. I don't really know to be honest.
All I know is that he was fine this morning, and when I came home, he was in a pile of his own vomit hanging off his hammock face down. His entire body was yellow from jaundice. I guess it happened quickly for him. I immediately picked him up thinking he just fell and then realized the lifeless corpse in my hands, still warm from the basking light. I tried to shake him awake but he was already gone. I rinsed off his body and held him for an hour and said my goodbyes. Then I prepared a box for him, I opened one of his pillows and lined it with stuffing so he would be comfortable. Then made a cross with palms and placed it inside. I dug the hole, crying the whole time. Kissed him goodbye, and buried him and placed flowers from the garden over his grave.
He was only two years old. I did everything I could to ensure he was happy and healthy, but my attempts were all in vein. I feel like I failed him because he died alone. I was at work. I should have been here with him. Maybe I could have saved him somehow. I still don't understand what actually happened. He was absolutely fine that morning. He ate his breakfast. He was alert. He was fine. Then I came home to that graphic scene and literally lost my ****. I didn't even want to believe he was dead. I sat there for two hours holding him hoping he would wake up, as his body began to stiffen from rigamortis in complete denial.
Needless to say I am really broken up about this. I loved and bonded with that dragon like he was my own child. In many ways he was like a baby, because of how intently I took care of him and fed him like a baby, and held him like a baby. I have been crying for a full 18 hours now. I just can't get over this.
But in between crying spells, I have been thinking of getting another dragon. But then argue with myself that rebounding on a new dragon right after the death of my cherished pet wouldn't be fair to the new dragon, myself, or Aerogore. I can see me trying to fill the void with a new dragon, but then what if this new dragon's personality is radically different than Aerogore's and it hurts more because he won't interact with me in the way that Aerogore did and I end up resenting the new dragon for it? Then I was like, what if the new dragon is also terminally sick as well and I got through the same battle all over again. Or worse, what if the new dragon is an aggressive ******* that won't even let me hold it? That would kill me even more.
I just don't know what to do. For beardie owners on their 2nd, 3rd or 4th dragon... How long did you wait to get a new one after your beardie passed away? What was your experiences like with the new pet? Did you find it rewarding? did you feel like it helped the grieving process for you? I need some advice here. I am like... Lost right now. Every day was centered around caring for that dragon, whether it was preparing his meals, bathing him, cleaning his tank, or cleaning his bedding, it was always centered around him. Now I feel like I lost my sense of purpose. I feel like I lost a piece of myself. My heart is broken. And I don't know what to do.
Now, I never personally had a bearded dragon, but I grew up in an environment that was very centered around pets of all types. So I knew the basics, like they need special light, heat, humidity, and supplement requirements. That they ate things like crickets and roaches. That they needed to be fed leafy greens and vegetables. Etc. I won't say I was an expert going into it, but I will say I knew more than the average pet shop employee going into this relationship.
So after I got him home, I immediately noticed he was walking on the backs of his hands, and his back legs had noticeable problems. I immediately called the vet and scheduled an appointment. I also had a fecal done while I was there, and there were no parasites. The vet took some Xrays and said that there is noticeable bone loss, and gave me a super calcium supplement to give him, and directed me to give it to him for a few weeks, which I did. At this point, my vet diagnosed him with MBD. I assumed it was from the lack of UVB and the lack of care he got in the first three months of his development. I didn't think there was anything more than that. My vet also advised he may not be able to walk correctly for the rest of his life, and deemed him disabled.
His movements began getting worse as time went on until he lost complete use of his back legs. When that happened, he wasn't able to hunt anymore. So I put him on a Repashy diet of Grub Pie, Veggie Burger, Grubs and Fruit, Bluey Buffet and a few others to give him a variety. I hand fed him every day via a syringe, twice a day. He had healthy bowel movements, and alert eyes, but he really didn't move around too much. I assumed he was in some amount of pain from his back legs. I soaked him regularly in pure epsom salt, which my vet cleared. I couldn't really give him anything for the pain, just try and make him as comfortable as possible.
I started getting worried of him falling off his hammock so I substituted his rocks for cushy cat beds and crate liners, and sort of child proofed his tank so he couldn't hurt himself, and made it easier for him to get around.
He was always a happy dragon, and enjoyed being held and cuddled. He slept in his own little bed hooked up to a heating pad underneath every night to keep his night time temperatures up to boost his immune system, which is what my vet recommended.
For the next year and a half, he didn't really get any worse, but he didn't show signs of getting any better either. But he definitely loved being held and kissed. He was such a docile baby, not one aggressive bone in his body. He didn't deserve the fate he had.
Around April, he started suffering from complications of an upper respiratory infection. I treated him orally with Baytril. He got better, then relapsed. I tried Tylan orally. No improvement. Finally I began fogging him with Baytril again, and he got better again by July.
This is where things go down hill. I noticed him getting what I called a buddha belly in August. I just assumed I was feeding him too much, so I tried to supplement more of the Veggie Burger and Grassland Grazer into his diet instead of going for the Grub Pie, which was just protein. I figured that would help. The pudge didn't really go away.
His behavior really didn't drastically change all that much for me to be alarmed there was a problem other than the usual. But after careful consideration, I am assuming that was a sign that his liver was failing. In retrospect, there is really nothing my vet could have done at that point, because it was already too far gone. I thought maybe the antibiotics did it to him, as I did give him an extended double rounded treatment. Maybe it was too harsh on his system and his liver began to fail? I only did what I felt was right, and sought the advice of my vet and followed his recommendations. In retrospect, drowning in his own mucus I think would have been more traumatizing than having his liver shut down. I don't really know to be honest.
All I know is that he was fine this morning, and when I came home, he was in a pile of his own vomit hanging off his hammock face down. His entire body was yellow from jaundice. I guess it happened quickly for him. I immediately picked him up thinking he just fell and then realized the lifeless corpse in my hands, still warm from the basking light. I tried to shake him awake but he was already gone. I rinsed off his body and held him for an hour and said my goodbyes. Then I prepared a box for him, I opened one of his pillows and lined it with stuffing so he would be comfortable. Then made a cross with palms and placed it inside. I dug the hole, crying the whole time. Kissed him goodbye, and buried him and placed flowers from the garden over his grave.
He was only two years old. I did everything I could to ensure he was happy and healthy, but my attempts were all in vein. I feel like I failed him because he died alone. I was at work. I should have been here with him. Maybe I could have saved him somehow. I still don't understand what actually happened. He was absolutely fine that morning. He ate his breakfast. He was alert. He was fine. Then I came home to that graphic scene and literally lost my ****. I didn't even want to believe he was dead. I sat there for two hours holding him hoping he would wake up, as his body began to stiffen from rigamortis in complete denial.
Needless to say I am really broken up about this. I loved and bonded with that dragon like he was my own child. In many ways he was like a baby, because of how intently I took care of him and fed him like a baby, and held him like a baby. I have been crying for a full 18 hours now. I just can't get over this.
But in between crying spells, I have been thinking of getting another dragon. But then argue with myself that rebounding on a new dragon right after the death of my cherished pet wouldn't be fair to the new dragon, myself, or Aerogore. I can see me trying to fill the void with a new dragon, but then what if this new dragon's personality is radically different than Aerogore's and it hurts more because he won't interact with me in the way that Aerogore did and I end up resenting the new dragon for it? Then I was like, what if the new dragon is also terminally sick as well and I got through the same battle all over again. Or worse, what if the new dragon is an aggressive ******* that won't even let me hold it? That would kill me even more.
I just don't know what to do. For beardie owners on their 2nd, 3rd or 4th dragon... How long did you wait to get a new one after your beardie passed away? What was your experiences like with the new pet? Did you find it rewarding? did you feel like it helped the grieving process for you? I need some advice here. I am like... Lost right now. Every day was centered around caring for that dragon, whether it was preparing his meals, bathing him, cleaning his tank, or cleaning his bedding, it was always centered around him. Now I feel like I lost my sense of purpose. I feel like I lost a piece of myself. My heart is broken. And I don't know what to do.
It always hurts us animal lovers to lose a pet, so my heart goes out to you. Sounds like he had great care right to the end. 
